for the longest time i've felt slow-burning anger about my MIL's illness. cancer is a scary shitty disease. i'm scared of it. i'm scared of what it does to people.
i haven't talked or visited with MIL much since her diagnosis. hubby keeps me updated on her treatment, and i made her a prayer shawl and am making another to give her for christmas.
MIL has virtually become a hermit since her surgical procedures and chemo treatments. she works from home and only goes to her office when no one is there, and she wears a mask during these visits. she doesn't go shopping. she hasn't been to church in months.
hubby and MIL were talking about preparations and gifts for christmas. her final chemo treatment is a couple days before christmas, which puts the holiday in the middle of her quarantine period. hubby said that she feels the ill effects of her chemo a few days after the treatment, which of course places this on christmas day. i asked if we'd have christmas with his family at all, since the children are practically ground zero for germs and i don't want MIL wearing a mask around them. hubby wasn't sure about this.
in regards to presents, MIL doesn't want to go shopping for them this year (fear of infection). she was considering gift cards, which are handy but not terribly exciting to open. she wasn't sure what to get the boy or the babies. the babies are easy this year since they have no concept of christmas. i suggested that if MIL wanted an easy gift, get our family a Wii and not bother with individual presents at all. we'd been toying with getting a Wii for ourselves.
this is the plan MIL thought of - if she gave us money, we could buy our own presents and wrap them up ourselves. WTF? what fun is that? if i'm going to buy my own present, i'm not going to wrap them!! what a waste of paper and time!
this is where i got really pissed. i get that MIL is fighting a shitty disease. i get that the treatment makes her feel rotten. i understand being afraid of getting sick becos her immunity is low. but why not buy presents online? some sites even offer gift wrapping. is she really so weak that she can't be bothered to wrap presents herself?
every year MIL asks for our wish lists. i make it easy and suggest things that can be ordered online - books, DVDs, gift cards. the majority of my shopping is done through amazon. i've become somewhat agoraphobic over the years, and i'd rather let my fingers do the walking instead of elbowing my way through the crowds at the stores. christmas doesn't have to be so hard, really.
i used to feel bad that i felt mad about MIL's cancer. i kept telling myself, "it's not her i'm mad at it's the disease". but right now, i really feel made at her. i feel like she's given up on herself. i feel like she's using this disease to get out of living life. we're only given one life. i hate wasting a day of it. life is so uncertain, why waste it hiding yourself away and living in fear?
this morning i made it easy for my MIL. i wish listed my gifts on knit picks, pattern works and yarn barn. i can order the stuff i want.
i feel bad being angry. i feel like a bad person for being angry but it's how i feel right now.
i haven't talked or visited with MIL much since her diagnosis. hubby keeps me updated on her treatment, and i made her a prayer shawl and am making another to give her for christmas.
MIL has virtually become a hermit since her surgical procedures and chemo treatments. she works from home and only goes to her office when no one is there, and she wears a mask during these visits. she doesn't go shopping. she hasn't been to church in months.
hubby and MIL were talking about preparations and gifts for christmas. her final chemo treatment is a couple days before christmas, which puts the holiday in the middle of her quarantine period. hubby said that she feels the ill effects of her chemo a few days after the treatment, which of course places this on christmas day. i asked if we'd have christmas with his family at all, since the children are practically ground zero for germs and i don't want MIL wearing a mask around them. hubby wasn't sure about this.
in regards to presents, MIL doesn't want to go shopping for them this year (fear of infection). she was considering gift cards, which are handy but not terribly exciting to open. she wasn't sure what to get the boy or the babies. the babies are easy this year since they have no concept of christmas. i suggested that if MIL wanted an easy gift, get our family a Wii and not bother with individual presents at all. we'd been toying with getting a Wii for ourselves.
this is the plan MIL thought of - if she gave us money, we could buy our own presents and wrap them up ourselves. WTF? what fun is that? if i'm going to buy my own present, i'm not going to wrap them!! what a waste of paper and time!
this is where i got really pissed. i get that MIL is fighting a shitty disease. i get that the treatment makes her feel rotten. i understand being afraid of getting sick becos her immunity is low. but why not buy presents online? some sites even offer gift wrapping. is she really so weak that she can't be bothered to wrap presents herself?
every year MIL asks for our wish lists. i make it easy and suggest things that can be ordered online - books, DVDs, gift cards. the majority of my shopping is done through amazon. i've become somewhat agoraphobic over the years, and i'd rather let my fingers do the walking instead of elbowing my way through the crowds at the stores. christmas doesn't have to be so hard, really.
i used to feel bad that i felt mad about MIL's cancer. i kept telling myself, "it's not her i'm mad at it's the disease". but right now, i really feel made at her. i feel like she's given up on herself. i feel like she's using this disease to get out of living life. we're only given one life. i hate wasting a day of it. life is so uncertain, why waste it hiding yourself away and living in fear?
this morning i made it easy for my MIL. i wish listed my gifts on knit picks, pattern works and yarn barn. i can order the stuff i want.
i feel bad being angry. i feel like a bad person for being angry but it's how i feel right now.
