had my 8 week checkup yesterday. yin and yang are going strong with good heartbeats. doc is pleased with me. doc was nearly an hour and half late to my appointment due to an emergency delivery. i can't complain tho. that may be me in a few months and i will need special attention.
my current cravings this week are apple sauce, jello, pretzels and starbursts. i made butterscotch pudding that tasted good. i made orange chicken and broccoli yesterday that tasted SOOOOOOO good. unfortunately i didn't have enough broccoli and i wish i'd taken the time to make rice with it to stretch the meal further. but it was the first time in a long time i made a meal and it was monumental for me. i started wearing a hair elastic to fasten my new jeans AS I CAN'T FASTEN THEM ANYMORE. i never thought i'd be so happy to not be able to fasten my jeans! i have to order some belly bands this week.
i'm grateful to be through my 8th week. this is the week we lost ani. for the past few weeks i've been analyzing my toilet wipes like tea leaves, looking for spots of blood or anything unusual. if my boobs don't hurt enough i freak. last week they shrank and were merely tingly, and hubby set me straight by saying "you've been sick! you lost weight! and you prolly lost weight in your boobs from being sick!"
i love this pregnancy but sometimes i feel cheated by my miscarriages. they have made me question my body and ability to carry these babies. they make me question whether or not i'm spotting or merely have discharge. i hate looking over my shoulder feeling worried. everyone else gets to enjoy their pregnancy. i'm trying so hard to enjoy this one.
i also got a surprise this weekend. my best friend emailed me and said that THEY are also expecting. my first impression was "great! how far along? how are you feeling?" then i started feeling bad. i was looking forward to being the only preggo that i knew amongst my friends and family. not that she lives close enough to cramp my style. i should be happy to have her be a baby buddy. but for some weird reason i'm not.
she apologized for telling me since she knew we lost ani and had trouble conceiving again. i know it's not her fault. hubby even pointed out that she was trying to not make me feel bad. i guess i can't have my cake and eat it too.
the other thing that surprised me was that i thought she was done. her youngest is nearly 10 years old. at the last reunion, where some of us were talking about our little ones (and there were a few rare ones of us) she kept saying that "she was done, no more babies." did she have a surprise? or feel regret and want another one?
hubby says i shouldn't feel bad. he said we're in better shape financially, emotionally, spatially for a baby(s). they live in a small house, she's the only one working, and they struggle financially. i can't imagine what that's like.
i emailed her back congrats, and told her our good news. i hesitated telling her since we were waiting until 12 weeks, but i thought telling her would make her feel better. she emailed back congrats but that was it. no due date, no how she as feeling. which is really weird. i think she's further along than she wants me to believe. maybe she feels bad for holding out on something that obviously is a good thing.
yet again, ever get the feeling you've been cheated. fucking miscarriages.
**bless dear john lydon for one of my favorite quotes in the world.
my current cravings this week are apple sauce, jello, pretzels and starbursts. i made butterscotch pudding that tasted good. i made orange chicken and broccoli yesterday that tasted SOOOOOOO good. unfortunately i didn't have enough broccoli and i wish i'd taken the time to make rice with it to stretch the meal further. but it was the first time in a long time i made a meal and it was monumental for me. i started wearing a hair elastic to fasten my new jeans AS I CAN'T FASTEN THEM ANYMORE. i never thought i'd be so happy to not be able to fasten my jeans! i have to order some belly bands this week.
i'm grateful to be through my 8th week. this is the week we lost ani. for the past few weeks i've been analyzing my toilet wipes like tea leaves, looking for spots of blood or anything unusual. if my boobs don't hurt enough i freak. last week they shrank and were merely tingly, and hubby set me straight by saying "you've been sick! you lost weight! and you prolly lost weight in your boobs from being sick!"
i love this pregnancy but sometimes i feel cheated by my miscarriages. they have made me question my body and ability to carry these babies. they make me question whether or not i'm spotting or merely have discharge. i hate looking over my shoulder feeling worried. everyone else gets to enjoy their pregnancy. i'm trying so hard to enjoy this one.
i also got a surprise this weekend. my best friend emailed me and said that THEY are also expecting. my first impression was "great! how far along? how are you feeling?" then i started feeling bad. i was looking forward to being the only preggo that i knew amongst my friends and family. not that she lives close enough to cramp my style. i should be happy to have her be a baby buddy. but for some weird reason i'm not.
she apologized for telling me since she knew we lost ani and had trouble conceiving again. i know it's not her fault. hubby even pointed out that she was trying to not make me feel bad. i guess i can't have my cake and eat it too.
the other thing that surprised me was that i thought she was done. her youngest is nearly 10 years old. at the last reunion, where some of us were talking about our little ones (and there were a few rare ones of us) she kept saying that "she was done, no more babies." did she have a surprise? or feel regret and want another one?
hubby says i shouldn't feel bad. he said we're in better shape financially, emotionally, spatially for a baby(s). they live in a small house, she's the only one working, and they struggle financially. i can't imagine what that's like.
i emailed her back congrats, and told her our good news. i hesitated telling her since we were waiting until 12 weeks, but i thought telling her would make her feel better. she emailed back congrats but that was it. no due date, no how she as feeling. which is really weird. i think she's further along than she wants me to believe. maybe she feels bad for holding out on something that obviously is a good thing.
yet again, ever get the feeling you've been cheated. fucking miscarriages.
**bless dear john lydon for one of my favorite quotes in the world.
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