casting off...for now

after much thought, i've decided that i am taking a hiatus from my blog.

i started this blog nearly six years ago as a way to share my thoughts about knitting, being a mom, and my reflections about life in general.  i shared my FOs, bragged about yarn acquisitions, and shared bits and pieces of my life.  my blog became my online scrapbook of sorts, where i expressed sadness regarding my pregnancy loss, my fears with a twins pregnancy, and shared joyful times celebrating birthdays, vacations, and ordinary days.

i've arrived at a point in my life that...i don't have much to say anymore.  my children are older now and busy with school and activities.  i am still knitting, but not so much anymore.  i can't remember the last time i wrote a review about a book or movie, nor have i shared a cooking triumph in ages.

i used to panic when i noticed that i hadn't posted anything in a few days.  i felt that i should have posted several times a week.  writing felt like an effort, it was stressing me out, and i decided to take a break from it.

that's not to say that i won't ever write again.  on the contrary, i'm sure i will have many more stories to tell, and when the time is right, i will share them.  

in the meantime, be happy, be excellent to one another, and KNIT ON!

better living through chemistry

a month ago i had my checkup for my diabetes.  i received good news - my a1c had dropped, my cholesterol had improved, and my doctor was pleased with my progress.  i told her about how unbearable the PN pain was in my feet;  that no meds could dull it, and it was affecting my sleep and daily functions.  at previous appointments she suggested a particular medicine but i was apprehensive becos it is also a med prescribed for depression, and i didn't have that.  at this point, however, i was fed up with the pain that i was ready to try it.  she gave me a few weeks of samples and a script for the meds and sent me on my way.

i started the meds that evening, and discovered that adjusting to the meds was tough.  i woke up the next morning feeling tired and, for lack of a better word, stoned.  i could barely focus, i sat like a lump. good thing the kids had school that day, as it allowed me to veg that morning.  the next day the kids went to their grandparents for the weekend, and i felt less stoned but still fuzzy headed.  the third day i felt much better, and by week's end felt no pain and my head felt clear.  until i increased the dosage again...and i had a couple zombie days as i adjusted again.

you know the scene in the wizard of oz when dorothy arrives in oz...from the black and white world she lives in to the technicolor land of oz?  that was me on the new meds.  for the first time in months my feet didn't hurt, pick or burn anymore!  it was such wonderful relief, to fall asleep without kicking around in spasm.  i wore heels for the first time in over a year, and they didn't feel like bear traps on my feet!  last week i tried shoes on, and they didn't hurt.  and when one of the kids accidentally bumped or stepped on my foot, i didn't fly off in a rage.  the sensitivity i was feeling on my scalp, hands and legs - gone.  it was awesome to not be in pain anymore.

another thing happened with the meds...my head felt clearer.  i had more energy.  i felt more ambitious.  i felt calmer.  i stopped screaming at my kids.  was this patience?  yay!

i also found that my appetite changed - i didn't pig out and i didn't snack as much in the evenings.  the meds are weight neutral - they won't cause gain or loss - but this is a side effect i don't mind.  i feel more in control of my eating.

hubby even noticed a marked difference.  he thought i seemed calmer, less brittle, and sometimes more cheerful.  it was a side of me he hadn't seen in a long time.  we couldn't pinpoint when i changed - pre twins, pre kids?  at any rate, he was pleased and relieved that i was feeling better and in less pain.

that's not to say that i didn't experience negative side effects.  while falling asleep was easier now that i wasn't in pain, i found myself waking up at 3, 4 or 5 in the morning.  unable to fall back to sleep, i'd go downstairs, lay awake on the sofa, doze off around 6 or 6:30 then wake to the sounds of a kiddo padding around upstairs.  i haven't felt this sleep deprived since the kiddos were babies.  i try to remedy it by taking naps and catching up on weekends.

i've always been a very lucid dreamer, but i noticed that since taking the meds, i no longer dream.  or if i dream, i don't remember it.  i'm not sure it's becos i'm missing rem sleep (which is when dreams occur) or if the meds calm my neural synapses.  it's kinda weird, and a little unnerving, to not dream.  then again, i used to have really awful dreams...i won't miss them.

i could kick myself for not trying the meds sooner.  my pride got in the way.  this is in no way a wank against psychotropic drugs a la tom cruise* but i thought i didn't need them.  i felt that the depression and anxiety i felt was more situation (various worries about myself and family, financial worries and so forth).  i assumed my escalating PMS symptoms were hormonal - even my ob/gyn suggested meds in that they would alleviate some of the symptoms.  i was afraid the meds would turn me into a stepford wife or put me in a "i have no cares to give" mode (as i'd heard certain meds can do).  now i feel normal - or what i imagine is "normal" - and i'm sad to think that i could have felt better so much sooner.

i'm glad i got over my apprehension.  i feel so much better now that my pn pain is muffled.  i love my newfound energy - i get things done now!  i feel like a better mother as i'm less grouchy.  not that i don't feel overwhelmed at times, but i'm coping better.

finally, i feel hopeful for the future.  it's about time!


*i am fully aware that many people require psychotropic meds in order to function in life - i used to work in mental health/d&a, and i witnessed first hand what happened when someone went off their meds.  i also know many moms who went on meds for their postpartum depression.  i'm grateful that we live in a time where there is treatment for mental illness.

fylwaafeab!

i totally would have loved this at our wedding.

(and yeah, that's how i feel about playing it too!)

fylwaaffeab!

punk rock cowl

remember my writing about maggie's cowl in this recent post?  i finally knitted up my version of the cowl!

this is a moebius cowl, long enough to wear wrapped twice, or as featured on the show.  i used madtosh dk in pop rocks - how 80s is that?  

it is so hard to photograph hot pink.


remember that the original cowl had rivets.  i toyed with trying that, but since i wanted this to be a moebius, i used YOs to make eyelets instead.


cowl worn wrapped twice.


rav details are here!

punk rock cowl

materials
worsted weight yarn, at least 200 yards.  i used less than a skein of mad tosh dk, so YMMV
US size 8 circular needle, 40 inches or longer
stitch marker

techniques used
moebius cast on, knit (K), purl (P), yarn over (YO), knit two together (K2Tog), cast off

remember that...
i use cat bordhi's moebius cast on - i linked it at the end of this page.

when knitting a moebius garter stitch scarf, you must knit one round, purl the next.

for binding off, you may want to use a needle a few sizes bigger than what you're knitting with, to ensure a loose, stretchy edge.

also, this pattern has not been tested or edited - WYSIWYG.



Cast on 150 stitches, or if you want more stitches, cast on in multiples of 5.  Place stitch marker at beginning of round.

Row 1:  knit
Row 2 (and all even rows) - purl
Row 3:  k1, *YO, k2tog, k3, repeat from *
Row 5:  k4, *YO, k2tog, k3, repeat from *, YO, k2tog
Row 7:  repeat row 3
Row 9, 11 and 13 - repeat row 5

Continue in garter stitch (knit a row, purl a row) for one inch (6 rows total), or more if you want a wider scarf.

Cast off, using a decrease stitch method:

Knit two stitches together, put the new stitch back on the left hand needle, knit two stitches together, put that new stitch on the left needle...continue with this until all stitches are cast off.  Weave in ends.  Gently block cowl.

now go rock that hot cowl!

here's cat bordhi's youtube video of moebius cast on:

splurges

i splurged on some goodies for my bday

project bags from slipped stitch studios.  this is a two skein bag in you need a thneed!

sock project bag in doctor who toile.


i happened on a wollmeise update from the loopy ewe and splurged.  i had a hard time picking colors - i could have bought a dozen skeins!


my knit buddy knittingkris gave me these lovely skeins for my bday!  i've always wanted to try plucky knitter - now i can!  (for some reason it feels rare, like wollmeise!)


i love this skein of skein.


so much for the destash.  i just added to it!

a heart for newtown

i made a square for knitters for newtown.  it's only one square, but i hope it brings comfort to the one who receives it.

more details here.  this pattern is so quick to knit up, i completed it in an evening.

i made this square with yarn that i bought originally for baby layettes.  i bought it at rosie's yarn cellar shortly before i got pregnant with ani, and although i tried to knit a bunting with the peach yarn for the petunia, i just couldn't do it.  this really was ani's yarn.

i did a destash a few weeks ago and the yarns were on the sale list, but after having a rather sour experience with the the destash critics, took the yarn out of circulation.  i wanted to do something good with the yarn, and decided a square was the way to go.

little house knitting

last summer i reread the little house books.  i usually read this series every few years, and i think the last time i read them was when this remake aired.  as i read the books, the knitting passages jumped out at me, and i couldn't help but take note.


in the first book of the series, little house in the big woods, laura described the gifts that they received for christmas that year...

my impression of the mittens were that they were actually crocheted, but i did find these mitre square mittens on ravelry, or perhaps they were these fair isle mittens.

i cut the picture short, but laura describes the needle book ma gave aunt eliza.  these books are very much in use today, considering how many images came up when i googled it.

the family celebrates maple sugar season (interesting enough, it's sugaring time now too) by having a party.  the details of the ladies' accesories is interesting.


ravelry had a ton of patterns for lace knit stockings that i just couldn't decide what the ladies would knit.  i picked this romantic one as i bet these single ladies knit pretty stockings in hopes of finding a nice man!



farmer boy is the only book in the series that is not about the ingalls family, as it about laura's husband, almanzo, during his childhood.  this book also was a wealth of fiber art as ma wilder not only knitted but spun her own wool and weaved her own fabric.

this is such a cozy winter scene - knitting, stitching, reading, popping corn in the fireplace...


hubby's aunt has a weaving loom, and i envision it looking much like this.  the local sheep to shawl group has a loom like this too.  in nearly 150 years, looms haven't changed much.


i love the descriptions in this passage!  i can just imagine the sound of the treadle.  i bet ma wilder having a saxony spinning wheel.  baskets of wool and stash.  she must have had the mother of all craft rooms!

by the shores of silver lake, laura is nearly a teenager, and she has now become a knitter and sews too.


in this chapter, ma gives away one of her best handkerchiefs, which had a crocheted edge.  she also gifted knitted wristlets, intended for pa, to their guest.  i call these fingerless mitts, and i can vouch that they are very quick to knit up.  pa received knitted socks, and if they were knit with wool, they would have been very warm and cozy in boots.




the long winter has the most knitted or craft scenes in the series.  in this passage, laura is sewing a sheet.  she doesn't say if she is sewing a twin or full size sheet, but the thought of sewing tiny even stitches on a large piece of fabric must have required a lot of patience.

in this scene, the family is cozied up to the stove during a blizzard.  both mary and ma are knitting.


this scene shows laura and mary chatting about school - laura teaching, mary attending college.


stitch and bitch in the late 19th century!  laura was knitting fine lace, while mary power and minnie johnson crocheted.


i hate frogging and picking up stitches.  imagine frogging fine yarn/thread then picking up the stitches!  laura does it in this scene, in quickly dimming light.  incredible.


mary sewing together a rag rug.  pioneers back in the day definitely reused and remade things.  laura also kvetches about knitting in dim light, and mary shames laura in that she is able to craft despite her blindness.



so many things crafted to be gifted for christmas!  this passage describes laura's cross stitch picture frame that she would give to carrie.  the fine lace she knitted she would give to mary.  and ma would receive an embroidered hair receiver that matched the picture frame.


ma darned pa's socks.  i tried, but i just couldn't get it.  mom and dad's dog got some fancy chew toys got my holey socks.  he destroyed my koigu socks in a day.  it took about a week for him to demolish the steam valley socks.


this is one of my favorite passages in this book.  imagine getting these yarns and threads for christmas!  silk yarn...yum.




there is much discussion of fashion in little town in the prairie - imagine having to wear hoop skirts and tight corsets.  thank goodness for spanx!  at least the petticoats were pretty.


they planned to knit mary fine stockings, and laura knitted a pair of mitts out of fine silk thread.  i bet those chocolate mitts felt divine.


back in the day, young ladies took knitting, beading and sewing lessons, in addition to literature and math.  how cool would that be!


laura crocheted a nubia for mary's christmas gift.  apparently a nubia is a head wrap.  i bet it was cozy and warm, especially in iowa in winter.


laura also knitted a lacy collar for mary.  lucky!




laura grows up in these happy golden years.  she begins the book as a green school teacher and ends the book as a young married woman.

ma has a knitting basket.


mary comes home for a visit, and she brings handmade gifts for her family.  laura received a blue and white beaded bracelet, while carrie's ring is made of interwoven pink and white beads.  grace got a beaded doll chair.  i neglected to include ma's gift, which was a woven mat.


laura's knitting and needles fit in the till of her trunk (i'm assuming this is part of the lid).  yeah, my stash wouldn't fit in a trunk - try five trunks!


laura's friend ida gives her a silk lace fichu.  from the many patterns i found on ravelry, i'm sure laura's lace kerchief was exquisite.




laura and almanzo's early marriage is chronicled in the first four years.  laura is busy being a mom and tending house in this book, but she still took the time to knit "manly" a fine knit undershirt as he was very sensitive to cold.  in later chapters, laura and her cousin peter buy a flock of shropshire sheep.  one hundred sheep - imagine the fleeces!


i've read these books since i was younger than the boy, and it's amazing how i still find interesting  bits that i don't remember reading before.  i've heard of people cooking like the ingalls, and people make pilgrimages to their old homesteads, but wouldn't it be fun to craft along with the ingalls?  maybe someday...