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Thursday, August 11, 2011

musings in the motherhood

comparisons - it's so easy to do in the motherhood, and so easy to worry over nothing, especially things out of my control.  some things that have been on my mind lately...

they're not buddha tots

the kiddos had their two year checkup the other day.  both weigh around 25 pounds.  i honestly thought they were closer to 30.  no wonder hubby has guns - sundays, when he's carrying them around becos they're fussing in church, he's basically carrying 50 pounds of dead weight.

i can't help but compare the kiddos to the kids moms talk about on ravelry.  there are babies half the kiddos age that weigh as much as the kiddos now.  these kids are breastfed.  my kids were never breastfed.  they eat like pigs tho.

the nurse practitioner who checked the kiddos said that they are growing great, have good BMIs (under 5) and are tall and lean.  petunia is so fine boned and takes after me and freddie is so sturdy like hubby and the boy.  i know they're normal and healthy and growing.  so why do i feel bad becos they seem smaller than kids younger than them?


the kiddos, while they do have a decent vocabulary, seem to chitter more than speak words.  some days they tag team words and talking - some days freddie talks more than petunia, but petunia seems to string together sentences more.  she'll nod her head yes when asked a question.  they know body parts and objects, and take direction pretty well (i wish the boy picked up his toys and cleaned up messes as well as the kiddos do!)  they seem to know colors too (petunia does anyway, she has a fit if she's given the wrong bottle, plate or spoon!)  i realize that twin speech tends to develop slower, and that they often have their own language (i've yet to figure theirs out) but i still feel the ombmykidsdon'ttalklikeotherkidsthey'reSLOW!bbq!!!

potty training

potty training has been a bit slow this summer.  until a few weeks ago, neither showed interest in using the potty.  in fact, freddie was using his as a makeshift jack in the box with his gak (i think he was pretending it was like the curious george JIIB over at my folks' house).

petunia started pulling at her pants and diapers.  for a while now, she seemed pretty attuned to when her diaper was dirty as she'd come over, grab a diaper and take it over to me.  taking these cues, i'd sit her on the pot - she'd willingly sit on it and seemed to understand the concept, but no pee or poo in the pot. no biggie.  i'd thank her for sitting on the pot and say maybe next time she'd go.

freddie observes petunia doing this, but still thinks the potty is a toy.  and he doesn't like to sit on it much either.  no pressure.  it'll come to him eventually.

my head knows this is completely normal.  books and doctors confirm this too.  i know it's not wise to push kids to use the potty before their time (ask me how i know - the boy still has issues with #2 sometimes, but i think it's more a dietary issue, but i still worry that my pushing him to PT at 18-24 months wrecked him).  so why do i feel a mini freak out when i hear that kids younger than mine are toilet trained?  apparently elimination communication, a popular toilet training method and quite a few moms online do this.

i used to worry that i didn't take the time to EC the kiddos when they were little (not quite as much guilt i felt not cloth diapering the kiddos, but i picked and chose my battles to maintain my sanity).  thankfully the authors of ready or not, there we go! put it in perspective for me and made me realize that it's okay that the kiddos aren't trained yet.

the freak outs over training two kids at the same time, yeah, normal.  but we're taking it a day at a time.

we could use the extra money

not to say that i can't wait to get out of the diapering business.  it's still a chunk of money that i can't wait to use for something else.  i remember how expensive pull ups were for the boy - now we have to buy twice as much, and with two different kinds (apparently girl pull ups differ from boy pull ups.)  i'm toying with looking for cloth training pants - more economical, especially since the kiddos have relatively predicable potty schedules.

another use for duct tape

petunia thinks she's Gypsy Rose Lee.  a couple weeks ago i'd go get the kids from their naps, only to find petunia (and sometimes freddie) without a stitch on, no diaper, and a wet crib.  after a day of changing the sheets twice and doing their wash twice, hubby did some google-fu and found other frustrated parents used duct tape to tape up the diaper so the kiddos couldn't unfasten them.  so far it's been working (altho petunia somehow shimmied out of her diaper yesterday and i found yet another wet crib.  you'd think take diaper off/wet bed = no gak or ugly would be enough for her to learn to keep the damn diaper on.

i hate that we have to duct tape our kids diapers on.  HATE IT.  but what are the alternatives?  oh yeah, potty training.  or just wash the sheets every day.  like i don't have enough work to do.

ME time

i saw an interesting exchange in a parenting thread about ME time.  some mothers feel they are entitled to "me" time, others say there's no such thing, you deal with having less time for yourself and roll with it.  "personal time" runs the gamut of taking an hour to get a mani/pedi/massage to going away for the weekend sans hubby and the kids.

for me, personal time is taking a bath without a kid barging in.  that's the simplest sense of me time.  my folks watch the kiddos for me to do grocery/target runs, but are they really "me" time since i'm running errands?  i must say, i do get a lot accomplished without kids when i run errands, but at the end of the day i'm still feeling whipped even with an uninterrupted hour of bath time.

i would *LOVE* to have a momcation.  i would love a day or two away from my family, spent sleeping, eating, knitting, reading, swimming, sleeping.  is it realistic?  i don't think so.  at least, it isn't for me.  financially it isn't viable for me, and honestly, i don't think i'd know what to do with myself without the kids climbing all over me and chittering away.  and, in all honesty, i'd miss them.  i'd almost rather a few days away with hubby without the kids, but that's equally as difficult to coordinate.

i disagree with the moms who feel that taking time for yourself isn't realistic.  if "me" time is an hour getting your nails done, so be it.  meeting up with friends for drinks or shopping is a nice respite from the motherhood too.  busy moms need require the recharge time, and no matter how little it is, if it feels good and recharges you then by golly do it!  what good is it for our kids if we don't take the time to recharge ourselves?

i'm so sick of my body

my body seems to be eating itself.  my HS flared to epic proportions and it hurts to sit, stand or lay down.  i ordered the good manuka honey cream.  no point in covering the carbuncles with bandages - no matter how sensitive or latex free they are, they still rip my skin off.

my feet are driving me insane.  my toes alternate between numbness or insane sensitivity.  i'm toying with scheduling with a podiatrist becos i swear there's something wrong with them, and i think it's connected to my diabetes.

on top of that, i am sick of my hands going numb.  the other day, i felt like i was wearing an elbow length glove on my left arm, that's how numb it was.  i asked my doc about it at the last checkup and she said it was probably a nerve compression in my elbow.  try spine, honey.  i'm convinced my body is still mucked up from carrying the kiddos (yep, even 2 years later).  i would give anything to go to a chiropractor just to have my back cracked.  can't afford it tho - insurance doesn't cover.  i also surmise the chiropractor would want to see me more than once, and i just don't want to commit to that extent of treatment.

i'm thinking about going to the local educational puppy mill trade school and getting a massage.  i've also thought about going back for acupuncture, mostly to deal with my sugar issues and jaw numbing tension i've been feeling.  but alas, no money.  no time, either (says she who says me time is important, especially if it improves health).

oh yeah, did i tell you i've been grinding the hell out of my teeth?  even hubby's caught me clenching my jaw.  i have days where even my wisdom teeth ache (i'd love to ask my dentist about my wisdom teeth but i'm afraid he'll demand i get them taken out and i have no money or time for that).  i think i know why i do it - i just wish i could stop doing it.  

i also have a lovely bruised - possibly broken - toe after having a pyrex bowl fall on it.  it fell out of the cupboard which was in disarray (courtesy of he-who-shan't-be-named).

dear lord, i had no idear my toes and feet looked that gruesome.  thank goodness this is a fuzzy looking picture - a clearer one would send one running for the hills!

book 'em

i splurged on more books.  the wilder lifethe happiness project and the help.  perfect for me time.

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