all right

my apologies if my sunday post freaked anyone out.  allow me to explain...

first off, the kids are all right.  other than being active and busy and driving me and hubby nuts, they are fine.

hubby and i are fine.  we could use more date nights, but we're okay.

teal deer:  i am struggling.

for several months i've been dealing with a lot of stuff.  a lot of it is keeping up with the kiddos - with two toddlers i am exhausted by evening.  as a result i'm constantly drained.  we couldn't afford to take any vacations this year, and while i do get some mom wednesdays, i use them for errands and not taking care of me.  hubby booked a hotel room for me to have a weekend by myself and i looked into doing a silent retreat at a local convent but we canceled it.  (my folks said i should take hubby along and not be by myself.  i love hubby but the plan was to be by myself.  don't you just love that?  men can take fishing or hunting trips by themselves, but bob forbid a woman wants to be by herself for longer than a day.  but i digress).

keeping the boy on track with school stuff is time consuming (hence, why we're not doing any extracurriculars other than church choir).  the school schedule changed (he gets on the bus almost a half hour earlier and school lets out an hour later). he has more homework now and the new reading curriculum has him reading nearly an hour a night (that's just the assignment, NOT including any reading for fun).

a lot of external stuff added to the pressure - my mom's knee surgery last summer; my grandmother's injuries from a hit and run accident in may and hubby's grandmother's declining health since early summer.  add economic woes, dealing with other people's stupidity and general anxiety to the mix and it's any wonder i'm not sitting in bp2 at the moment.

internally my health took a huge hit.  i slacked on the exercise and eating habits and my sugars worsened.  mood wise i was like this:

my PMS reached epic proportions.  somedays *i* can't stand being with me.  and crying.  holy hanna, i can cry at the drop of a hat, and not becos of something sad or mushy.  one day, i ticked off 5 cries before NOON.  who cries that much??  it's horrible to feel like you've lost control of yourself.  somedays it is an effort to take care of *me* let alone three kids.  

after much tweaking of the diet and stepping up the exercise i'm feeling a lot better.  i don't feel so much like sybil at the switch.  over the past couple of weeks my sugar dropped over 20 points.  i have a long way to go tho.

the stress isn't going to let up for a while.  MM will be moving to an assisted living center eventually.  mom and grams are doing better health wise.  we're still getting beaten by the economy and will be for a while, and i must point out that i am grateful that we are holding are own in that respect.  there is also something coming down the pike - it's a good thing - but it's a life changer and it remains to be seen how the aftermath will affect us.

so anyway, that's what's going on.  i'm okay.  i'll be okay (hopefully).  it'll just take a while to get to better.