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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

the count

i believe i'm on the verge of cronedom.  i've officially started the count.

it all started back in november, when i missed my monthly bill.  i chalked it up to "eh...i'm at that age where i can skip a month, no biggie..."  but then christmas arrived and a second cycle skipped, i started to wonder if i was starting the change.  i did notice that my usual signs of fertility were absent during those weeks, but i can't say i was complaining about my absent menses.  during those two months my HULK*SMASH rage was nonexistent, my roller coaster moods diminished and best of all, my HS cleared up and my pits were no longer angry and sore.

i had an appointment with my ob/gyn in late winter and thought i'd ride it out and see how long it would take for my cycle to kick back in.  but around new year's hubby told me he'd spent a sleepless night worrying that my absent periods meant that i had cancer and my mom and grams were equally worried that something was wrong and wanted me to have an ultrasound (i don't think that would show anything except for the pencil eraser sized fibroid that's resided in my uterus for the past decade).  so i called up my doctor and after having a pregnancy test to rule that out (negatory as it should be, the hen house closed over 2 and a half years ago) i was given a prescription of progesterone to kick start my cycle.  my cycle officially ended at 75 days (damn those meds).

six weeks later i saw my doctor and told him that i hadn't had a monthly since i'd taken the meds, and my moods had leveled off, could i be starting perimenopause?  mom told me that her paternal grandmother had gone through menopause at 37, and i was turning 38, could there be a genetic propensity for early menopause?  no, said my doc; menopause was a maternal trait; my cycle would be more like my mother's and grandmother's (they were early 50s).  doc also said that at my age, the brain sometimes had trouble metabolizing progesterone, and there were pills for that.  (for the record, i don't remember the brain metabolizing progesterone.  now, it's been a lifetime since i had a biopsych class and while i'm sure scientists have discovered new things about the body and brain since then, i just don't remember this.  even if you don't play a doctor on tv, if you have any information on this please enlighten me).  darned pills again.  i didn't want more pills.

he offered more bloodwork, for FSH levels and thyroid.  i'd had those levels checked in the fall and they were normal, but this was before the skipped cycles, so maybe something changed.  so down to the lab i went for my blood letting and a week later learned that both FSH and thyroid levels were normal, and i wasn't going into menopause.

i was really confused.  if my hormones were normal, why didn't i have my cycles?  hubby thought i was skipping cycles becos i was stressed out.  it's a possibility, but why such long cycles?  yes, i'm stressed, but no more than usual.  i've been way more stressed out before, and those times didn't monkey with my cycle.  it also didn't take into account why my hair was still shedding after nearly a year?  why was i have hot flashes in the middle of the night (i had no idea ankles could sweat.  and my irish blush has nothing on the "my hair roots are on fire" flush.)?  i enjoyed not having mood swings and clear HS free pits (ironically, progesterone is a new treatment for HS.  does that mean i have a plethora of natural progesterone in my body?)  i didn't want more meds.  i just wanted to know that my body was okay.    my damn body, disappointing me since 1986.

it's day 60.  the count is on.  

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