you're just jealous that your sock isn't handknit!

i'm sorry to report that my children aren't as spirited in their conversations as these little ones.  mine just grunt and giggle at each other, or scream when the other steals the toy out of their paws.


i did have a linky of the video but it kept getting yanked off youtube.  so, just imagine 2 little bald cuties wearing mismatched socks arguing in front of the refrigerator, and you get the point.  

let it be a challenge to you

this is one of my favorite quotes from the novel up the down staircase.  it perfectly describes my feelings right now.  sit tight, folks, for yet another round of diva the disillusioned.  i pray there's light at the end of this tunnel real soon...

i knew that having twins would be a challenge.  having two babies thrown at you, when you're accustomed to dealing with one baby at a time, is a shock to the system.  it takes twice (sometimes thrice, sometimes more) as long to do a mundane task as with a singleton.  i do what i can, make allowances for myself and my family, and just deal (i'm going to have "just dealing with it", along with "must be nice!" and "damn it anyway" carved on my tombstone).

some days feel monumentally hard.  some places feel difficult.  one place, i'm discovering, is church.  today was a really bad day for me.

we take up one pew near the front of the sanctuary, near doors where we can make a quick escape if need be (we've been sitting in these pews for years.)  i like sitting in the front (sitting in the back is extremely claustrophobic for short me - i like to see what's up front).  

i try to bring toys, snacks, juice and things to entertain the kiddos.  i count on sunday school (which is before church) to wear out them out.  the kids nap mid morning, and it's always my fervent hope that they fall asleep in church.  yeah right.  that doesn't happen.

not only are my kiddos extremely curious, but they are extremely active as well.  petunia is especially a wiggle worm.  i have to hide pencils, bulletins, ribbon bookmarks and anything else they can get their hands on.  will they play with the toys i bring?  hell no!  do they like my snacks?  yeah, but they usually wind up dropping them on the floor rendering them inedible (i do not allow the 5 second rule at my church - there are mousies living there).  and i can't hand my child over to hubby for a break, becos he's holding the other one.  sometimes we trade off, but that just riles up the fussy kid more and ticks off the kid who was disrupted.  

if my church has a nursery, why not use it?  well, i could, but in my family (and as with a lot of parents at my church), we've always kept our kids in church with us, so they learn to mind and listen.  and anyway, i don't want to take them back to the nursery becos there are usually other kids back there (kids who are too big and too old to be there, so how is my child going to get attention when the attendant is too busy entertaining the big kids?

i've already conceded defeat in being a lector.  can't take a kiddo up there, can't read over a squalling kiddo, i've decided that i'll go back to reading lessons when the kids are bigger and can mind themselves better.  i'm still in choir, and i'm praying that mom will be understanding if i can't sing every sunday becos i'm off dealing with an unhappy kid. 

now, some ladies who sit near us have offered to hold the kids so i can sing/read, and i've taken them up on their offers, but i feel bad doing it.  i feel like i should be able to do it all.  or expect hubby and the boy to pick up the slack when i can't (and believe me they do.  they are my angels).  

today was world wide communion/blanket sunday.  that made church a bit longer today.  the kids were in rare form today.  neither would settle, both were overtired and of course wouldn't nap.  the ladies who offered to help were nowhere near us (one lady was helping with communion, the other was several pews behind us).  in front of us is a sweet older couple but both aren't in the greatest health and i wouldn't expect them to help.  the families behind us had more than their share of kidlet issues (dad was at church alone with a baby and his two older children;  another family have a very active toddler).  

i think i sat in church for a total of 10 minutes.  i was out with either kid, who wanted to either crawl like a mad person or toddle and explore.  neither wanted to nap.  by the time we got to communion i had to hold back tears, i just wanted to cry.  thankfully mr f in front of us flirted with petunia, which calmed her down and made me feel a bit better.

it's funny how an hour long service can feel like it's three hours long with twins.  becos of the kids' actions, i could feel all eyes on me.  someone actually made that comment to hubby - it's okay if they act up.  we're a show in itself.  i think people make allowances for us becos we're the PKs, but i don't want that.  i don't want to be a show.  i just want to sit in church. 

begin rant

shows like kate plus 8, raising sextuplets and quints by surprise piss me off to no end.  where to start...

first of all, i don't have volunteers knocking down my door to help.  outside of my mom and dad, who watch the kids once a week so i can run errands/swim and my ILs who watch the kids occasionally so hubby and i can have a date night, hubby and i take care of the kids all by ourselves.  well diva, these families have 5 or 6 kids or more and you only have 2 plus a big kid, you can do this all by yourself.  well, sure we do this by ourselves.  but imagine doing zumba for 24/7, with exception of a half hour bath, an hour of knitting, and a half hour of sunday school for a break.  all week.  this is my life.  it ain't pretty.  just becos i have twins and not half a baseball team doesn't mean i couldn't use a break now and then.

secondly, these shows make the families appear that they are living high off the hog (i'm talking about you, kate).  we do not live in a big home - the kiddos have their 2 cribs squeezed into a 12 by 12 room and not a lot of room to grow.  while our home is nowhere near hoarders condition, i can't stand the kid clutter.  we don't drive a big ass SUV or the fanciest soccer mom van - we drive a hyundai entourage, the last of its kind, and i will cry if anything happens to it becos we cannot afford anything else.  while i did splurge on yarn last week, i can guarantee it'll be the last thing i buy for myself for a long long time becos any extra money (what's that?) will go to the care and feeding of the kids.  we do not go on fancy vacations on anyone's dime - we're planning a trip to baltimore in the future and believe me it's bare bones.  

thirdly, i wish a plastic surgeon would knock on my door and say, "allow me to remove that elephant belly of yours, free of charge!"  then i could run around chasing the kids in short shorts and skanky halter tops and high heels.  any MoMs out there...do you honestly do this?  and how?!  i'd wear yoga pants and t shirts every day if i could get away with it.  but i have pride, and that's why i wear jeans and khakis just to feel pretty.  and flats or sneakers.  please.  have you ever held 40 pounds of kids in a pair of heels for an extended period of time?  

fourthly, and i find this distressing, but of these three shows, one family is divorced, one is separated and experiencing family turmoil, and the other, while no couple issues have surfaced, have other issues to deal with (financial).  i know hubby was worried, when we first had the kiddos, that we would drift apart and head to divorce court.  we are working really hard to keep this from happening (read:  no we are not experiencing relationship issues.  just basic maintenance that any couple would do).  we both shoulder the responsibility of the kids (i pity the moms who get no help from the dads.)  we make it a point to have alone time every day, even if it's watching tv.  and we try to have a date night if not every week then every other week.  believe me, i really look forward to those nights when we can eat out at a restaurant that doesn't offer mac and cheese on the menu, or go to a grown up movie that makes me think.  (and while i should be more sensitive, i do get annoyed when we go out, just to escape the kids, only to have gaggles of squalling kids wherever we go.  oh well).  

lastly, and this isn't coming from a reality show, but my own experience.  i find it ironic that the people who fuss the most over the kiddos are people my parents' age (aka other grandparents).  ever since the kiddos were born, i can count on one hand the number of families my age at church who ever commented on my kids or even ask how i am.  not that i am fishing for comments or expecting you to chuck them under their chins.  but i've fussed over your little bundles of joy, is there something wrong with mine that you can't be bothered to ask how they are doing?  personally, i think these parents just look at me and pray to Bob that they aren't in my shoes.  and that's why they can't be bothered to say beans to me or hubby.  

end rant

i'm rambling, but this is what i want to you know:

ask me how i'm doing.  while hearing the ill spoken comment (such as "i'm glad i'm not you!") will either make me want to shove my kiddos at you or whack you over the head with my big ass diaper bag, i'd rather be acknowledged than to not be spoken to at all.  i'm just a mom with 2 kids born a minute apart.  i'm just a mom, like you.  

it's okay to offer to hold my kid/get something/do something for me.  i should wear a sign that says "remind me...if i don't ask for help".  i hate asking for help.  but with 2 squirmy sometimes fussy kids, i'm learning to accept the fact that i can't do it all, and just taking a kid off my hands for a few minutes really makes a difference to my sanity.

my kids aren't circus freaks.  please don't treat them as such.  freddie and petunia are brother and sister who happen to share the same birthday.  they're kids.  it's okay to ask about them.  and when i'm having a day where i'm frustrated becos freddie won't walk and petunia growls instead of asking for "more" becos she's hungry, i feel better when i can vent my frustration.  i promise it'll only take a minute, and maybe you'll have some words of wisdom that can help me.

while you're at it, don't forget the big kid.  the boy never asked for twin brother and sister.  he's a big help with the kiddos, but he's still his own person, with interests and talents.  i can't help it if he chews your ear off, but he feels like big stuff when someone asks him how he is, too.

just becos you have a certain lifestyle don't expect us to follow.  how wonderful that your kids are in soccer, football, art classes, ballet, horseback riding, bungee diving, etc. etc. etc.  i'm sorry that your weekends are taken up by all these activities (and evenings too).  but my family chooses not to participate in a lot of activities becos not only are they expensive, but they also take up a lot of time.  and at the end of the day, hubby and i are exhausted.  what energy we have left to expend on weekends and evenings, we keep for our family.  i'm sorry if we live in an nearly century old home and drive an unfashionable car.  i'm sorry if i'm carrying vera bradley 2008 and not the newest louis vuitton.  really, i don't care.  and you shouldn't either.


being a parent is hard.  being a parent of multiples is a challenge.  sometimes MoMs need a boost to get through the day.  let it be a challenge to you, to throw me a bone every so often.  i really do appreciate it.  when mommy's happy, the kiddos are happy, and that makes life easier for everyone all around.

the opinions expressed by the author of this blog do not necessarily constitute the opinion of all MoMs.  in other words, take what you will from my suggestions, and use your best judgement when talking with a MoM.

a disservice to multiples

saucer of cream, anyone?  diva's a bit catty today.

hey, i have twins!  i want something for free!

a new episode of kate plus eight aired this week.  i devoured the original "jon and kate plus 8" series and followed the family's story for about a couple of years.  last year i became especially interested when we found out we were having twins.  as an only child who had no clue how to deal with multiple children i was curious to see how they handled being parents to multiples.  i loved the earlier episodes, spesh when they showed kate exhausted and dealing with bratty kids.  hey, i can relate to that!  it was disappointing to watch the family spiral into anger, separation and eventually divorce.  i learned how to be a better parent and wife by watching their meltdown.  i also became somewhat resentful of the latter episodes - hey, i have twins, send me to hawaii to renew my wedding vowels! my hubby and i still love each other!  hey, i have 3 kids, send me to disney!  i am ashamed to admit that i did buy those tabloids in the stores, becos i couldn't get enough of this train wreck.  hubby even worried that our relationship could wind up like theirs, after reading a study that parents of multiples often separate.  

over the months kate got a make over!  kate was on dancing with the stars!  kate has a new show!  and i wondered what was happening with the kids.  i guess i got my answers with the new "specials".  after viewing those shows, i had to refrain from throwing the remote at the tv.  

kate and the kids got to spend the sextuplets' birthdays at an aquatic park, no doubt at the expense of TLC and the park itself.  hey, i have twins - let my kids swim with dolphins too!  i was most bothered by the children's birthday party.  it was just kate, her friend, and the kids.  no jon.  no other relatives.  no friends of the kids.  just 3 pinatas, a big cake and the fractured family.  i thought it was pitiful.  it was such a contrast of previous birthdays.  and it made me grateful that my kids' birthdays are surrounded by family and friends.

another scene that bothered me was kate et al at the airport. the kids were hungry and she bought snacks at the airport.  no biggy, but i remember kate bringing snacks from home when the kids were little.  personally, buying a $5 string cheese and a bottle of water would make me a bit ill.  now, the kids did share sandwiches, which is a savings, but it just seemed very unlike kate the penny-pincher.  

and this is just plain mean of me - jealous more likely - but kate's new physical presence.  hair extensions, tarty dress, high heels.  i realize she's entitled to dress however she wants.  she's allowed to get rid of her hideous kate cut.  but when i saw her stringy hair and mini skirt i thought "she looks like a hooters waitress.  trying to outdress jon"?  i'm lucky to get a hair cut every few months (i value sleep.  and a quiet trip to the grocery store.  and nice barrettes and hair elastics).  and while i do don good jeans and tops when i go out, i'm too tired to torture myself with heels. give me a nice pair of loafers or a pair of flats any day of the week!  the only time i wear makeup is when i go to church or a fancy function (and lately "makeup" consists of tinted lip balm and a bit of eyeliner).  thank goodness for kiehls eye cream and garnier nuctris face cream - i'm botox free!  hey, i have twins!  give me a gratis tummy tuck!  well, i better exhale - so i hide my tummy with a pair of spanx.  shh.  don't tell anyone!  

i have to laugh when kate says she has to make these shows to make money for her kids.  at my estimate, the family taped over 100 episodes at $75 grand a pop, plus her books, plus what she earns at speaking engagements, she surely must have enough money for the kids' educations, the home and previous debts.  kate used to be a nurse.  nurses make pretty decent salaries.  and they don't sell their children's souls to make a living either!  and what about jon?  can't get a job becos you're "too famous"?  get over yourself. grow a pair, be a man, and get a job.  

as a mom with multiples i think this family does a disservice for other families with multiples.  we don't get things gratis.  the discount at bRu doesn't help (really, it doesn't help when you have half the furniture already, and how often do we buy carseats?).  no diaper or apple juice companies pounding down my door for gratis goodies.  i don't even use my formula coupons becos it's cheaper to buy generic formula than name brand.  and this one is personal - just because there are more multiple births in recent years, doesn't mean i used fertility drugs or procedures to conceive the kiddos.  just sayin'.  

hey kate!  i'm a mom of multiples too!  and i'm living the reality - raising 3 kids on a tight budget, making do with what i have, working hard with hubby to preserve our relationship.  it may seem a simple life...but it's MY life!

the music of our lives

it's funny how hearing a song takes you back to another time in your life.

a story on GMA this morning talked about abbaworld, this traveling museum of all things abba.  hearing "dancing queen" took me back to when i was 3 or 4, playing with my barbies and singing along to my 45.  when i was 6, dad gave mom an "abba's greatest hits" album for christmas, but i was the one who played it ad nauseum on my little denim record player.  20 years later, hubby and i saw "mamma mia!" in toronto on our 3rd anniversary.  if you want to make a grown woman weep, just do an audience sing-along encore of "dancing queen".  if i ever did karaoke, i'd prolly pick "dancing queen" as my song.  thinking of this song reminded me of "YMCA" and how the kids at my dad's church taught me the gestures to that song.  over 30 years later, i remember.

which got me thinking about other songs i love that i'd sing for karaoke.  and the memories that accompany them.

"just a girl" by no doubt.  when i first heard that song, i was driving home from harrisburg, after taking the state exam for being a caseworker.

"hand in my pocket" by alanis morrisette.  that song transports me instantly to 1996, the summer i worked at c&y.

"one last drink" by enter the haggis.  i'm surrounded by food which i can't eat becos i'm sick.  it's too hot to be sick to my stomach.  it's a month after losing ani.  i'm depressed, my hormones are rioting but hubby and i went to ren faire anyway.  the energy of the band and the audience cheered me up.  this is also the song that i swear will be played at my funeral.

"believe" by cher.  i'm 6 months pregnant with the boy, sitting in nosebleed seats at wacovia with mom and grams.  4 generations brought together.

music is power.  music is memories.


multiple blessings

another story on GMA this morning talked about women's fertility.  apparently 90% of eggs are gone before a woman turns 30 and only have 3% of their eggs by the time they're 40.

by those statistics, the kiddos are true miracles.  i had the boy shortly before i turned 30, and the twins when i was 35.  considering the fact that the twins were conceived naturally, they are a true miracle according to these stats.  i also wonder, if my miscarriage aren't somehow tied into these fertility issues.

we found out about the twins a year ago.  have you ever received news that made your stomach feel like it was ripped out, and feel icy chills go down your spine?  that's how i felt when i found out i was having twins.  we were grateful to just be pregnant, then to find out we were having twins.  i thought my doctor was playing a joke on my.  this was around the time of the octomom and jon and kate debacle.  i kept saying i wasn't having twins, that it was a joke.  ultrasounds don't lie.  we saw baby a and baby b.  whether it was genetic predisposition (my grams had twin aunts) or ovarian luck (i was in the window where multiples occurred naturally) we were blessed.

i remember driving home feeling stunned.  fear.  worry.

fast forward a year, and the twins are nearly 6 months old.  they are healthy, alert, and active.  monkey ears is so chill.  the pixie is a firecracker.


about a month ago a set of quints was born to a family who go to my hairdresser's church.  they were born at 31 weeks, not a bad run for a set of super twins.  my hairdresser told me that 50 people signed up to help the family take care of the babies around the clock.  they had to buy a bigger house.  a bigger vehicle.  and a newspaper article provided an address for people to send the family money, diapers or offers for help.

i showed hubby the article.  he said "that's nice, but in a way, it's not fair."

i knew what he meant.  this couple used fertility drugs to conceive their children, and on finding that they were carrying multiples, refused embryo reduction (can't say i blame them, i couldn't either).  our twins were naturally conceived.  twins are boring compared to multiples.  people aren't exactly clamoring to help take care of them to give us breaks.  we got gift cards when they were first born to help with supplies. we went through those within weeks (formula is so expensive.  what a crime). we had to buy a van - an expense we hadn't anticipated (i loved my mangemobile and hadn't planned to trade her in, but i had to).  our house, which felt big when we first bought it, now bursts at the seams with toys, multiple baby paraphernalia, and love.

i shouldn't complain.  we've been blessed with healthy children, and we are grateful for what we have.  while taking care of 2 babies at the same time is tough, i can't imagine taking care of 4 or 5 babies.  i know my babies' personalities.  i can tell my babies apart without having to mark them (yes, a peek in the diaper is easy and it helps that the pixie is a redhead) - they have distinctive looks.  i wouldn't trade that for anything.