barbies get cold too

last month i gave petunia my case of barbie doll clothes.  barbies were my favorite toys when i was little, and i hoped that one day i could share my love with my little girl.

a lady at my childhood church made barbie clothes, and once she invited my mom and me to her house to pick out several outfits.  she made skirts and pants, blouses and jackets, dresses of all kinds.  i picked several evening gowns, a couple of skirts and blouses, and even a silk wedding gown and pillbox hat veil.

i hadn't played with my barbies for years, and it was fun looking at the clothes she had.  petunia would give me a dress to put on her doll then walk away.  i also discovered that my barbie clothes really don't fit the dolls of today.  they are snugger in the waist and and huge in the chest.  i guess that means barbie is more realistic than the dolls of my childhood.

anyway, i was delighted to find this in the clothes - a sweater!

(gee what a craptastic picture!)

mrs. k matched the buttons to the yarn.  they completely match.  amazing.


petunia's tinkerbell doll modeling the sweater (plus a skirt).  look how big it is on her!


sweater in action.  perhaps a turtleneck will fill out the sweater?


the lady who made those clothes passed away recently.  i hadn't seen in her nearly 20 years.  i wonder if she was still making barbie clothes and knitting?  i hope she knew how much i loved her clothes, and the hours of fun i had dressing my dolls, making up and acting out stories.

i found a couple of sweater patterns to make petunia's dolls sweaters (plus hats too!) on ravelry, and i spent a few hours on etsy looking up doll clothes.  there's a lot of lovely things out there!  maybe someday i can learn to sew barbie clothes too.

right now petunia is more interested in building with blocks and stealing freddie's cars, but i hope that someday petunia will enjoy playing with her dolls and the clothes too.  

snoopy knits!

while mom was packing up winter woolens she found these:

these were my favorite mittens when i was wee.  guess that's where my love for snoopy came from.

i had this hat for years.  it was in our woolens bench when i cleaned it out.  the boy rarely wore the hat becos i was afraid of him losing it.  it's apparent that i have letting go issues?


it's hard to find snoopy things nowadays.  sometimes i'll find a pair of socks in the dollar bins at target, and occasionally i'll find a t-shirt for freddie.  i guess kids today like video game characters and spongebob.  

a house isn't a home unless your loved ones are there

my parents retired and moved to my grandmother's house. before they handed in their keys i broke into the house with the hidden key stopped by the house to say my final goodbyes and cry and mourn what was once my young adult home.  it's funny how living there for 6 years impacted my life.  i'll miss the closets (my room alone had 3 - a huge cedar walk in closet and 2 large storage ones).  the house had 12 closets altogether, plus built in drawers in an upstairs spare room.  it was one kickass house.

my mission was to bring home my old prom gowns and whatever goodies i found in my old changing table.  i was going to bring my wedding gown and veil home, but couldn't find the tub that mom had for it (it was in the spare room.  the thing's as big as a coffin).  i found the prom dresses easily as they were in my "seldom used" closet.  the changing table was in the attic.  it was one of those 70s affairs, wicker and plastic that folded out, with a couple of baskets for diapers/clothes/blankets etc (it'd be condemned in this day and age for safety reasons).  considering the thing was nearly 40 years old, it wasn't cracked or dirty.  i opened that puppy up and this is what i found:

a crocheted shawl.  i'm not sure who made this for me.  mom didn't know either.  i'd like to think that my nana crocheted it for me.  

not knitted or crocheted, but a little carter's vest that i vaguely remember wearing (and loathing).  what's interesting is it's a size 5 (i think i wore it in kindergarten) and it fits petunia NOW.  actually, it's a bit short on her.  i had freddie try it on, and not only was it short on him but TIGHT.  the kiddos are not big by any stretch; in fact they're consistently on the lower end of the growing curve at the doctor's office.  either children were way smaller back in the day (i was tall and thin back then), or clothing sizes are really that far out of whack.


crocheted pink booties.  i think they match the pink crocheted hat that petunia has long since overgrown.  mom had no idear who made these either.


these drool bibs are destined for a soak in some oxyclean.  even after a gentle wash, they still had yellow stains.


mom said my my aunt dorotha (once removed) made me this bonnet.  too bad i found it too late.  it would have looked cute on petunia.


i think these mittens were store bought.  they matched the bonnet.


mom said this was my baptismal blanket.  as i hung it up to dry after i washed it, i couldn't figure out the design in the middle - an ark? an elephant? a turtle?  none of the above - it was a snowflake, with little snowflakes stitched around it.  it's a store-bought blanket, but i was touched to find it.


blast from the past - a gown from one of my SAI formals.  petunia didn't seem interested in playing dress up.


i also brought home 2 t-shirts - and orange ET shirt and a red and white baseball shirt (remember those?!) with the smurfs on the front and my name ironed on the back - remember fuzzy letters?  i have to rewash the baseball shirt with a color catcher as the color ran from the collar and sleeves. when the boy put on the ET shirt, it was too tight.  it was in his size, but mom reminded me that they would have bought me a girl size.  still going on the kids little in the past/kids bigger now theory.  the boy was disappointed that he couldn't wear the shirt, but it'll be there for when freddie and petunia are big enough.

the changing table was full of other stuff - my old undershirts (lord did i hate wearing them when i was little - that attitude didn't change much becos i hate wearing bras too), long john underwear (i have no idear why mom kept these), bags of old tights (ugh) and a couple cute pairs of pajamas, one being a nightie that looked very holly hobbie.

the other things i found in the table were bits of old pine cone and some mouse turds.  yes, something built a nest in there.  i was dismayed to see this.  as i shook pine cone petals off the shawl, i heard the voices of dr. zazio, dr. chabeau and the cleaning specialists talking in my head - why do you want that dirty piece of clothing?  do you really need something that has pine cone petals and mouse poop on it?

yeah, i did.

these were the only items i could salvage from the changing table.  i washed them well, hung them to dry, and now i'll pack them away in the attic.

there were other things i wanted from the house but couldn't have.  mom and dad left the changing table behind for lack of space (hoarders mentality that i can be, i wished it could have been reunited with the matching bassinet that lives in my grandmother's attic.  oh well.)  a chair that used to be in my room at my childhood home couldn't be salvaged becos it spent too many years down cellar and was full of mold and mildew - the last thing someone with allergies and asthma should have.



sometimes i feel dumb for feeling sad about leaving a place where i haven't lived for years.  i've long learned that HOME is wherever hubby and the kids are.  i've returned to my church a few times for services and the boy's choir practices, but it doesn't feel like *my* church anymore.  i got the same feeling when i stopped by the old house to look through mail for my parents.  it was akin to viewing a dead loved one - while they look the same, they don't, becos their essence or soul is gone.  the church and my old house aren't the same, becos my parents' essence are no longer there and can't return anyway.

it's funny.  parishioners tell me how much they miss my parents.  how they wish we could come back to church.  the national church dictates this rule - former pastors aren't really welcome at former parishes.  it's to help facilitate the mourning/healing/moving on process in the church.  it makes sense tho.  imagine leaving your job, and returning to see someone in your place.  it feels weird for you, and no doubt feels weird for the person who took your spot.  now, a parish can make a retired pastor a pastor emeritus but it doesn't necessarily guarantee a pastor can be welcomed back by new pastors (ask me how i know).

there's no doubt that they people miss my parents.  but no one misses them as much as i do.  my dad has been my pastor my entire life.  my dad has been pastor at his parish for 19 years.  sorry, i win this one.

last night i had to run to the grocery store.  in the middle of the freezer aisle a song came on the muzak, one that was popular around the time my folks' dog rusty died years ago.  it hit me at that point that my folks would never shop in that store again.  that they'd never live in my town again.  i almost started crying and moved away from the waffles quickly.  i bought myself a crochet magazine, cherry blintzes and a mike's hard lemonade to keep myself from totally breaking down.  crazy, right?


my parents are now settling into their new/old home.  they started their new routine with the kids by keeping them overnight last weekend and taking the kiddos to the farmer's market and big playground on wednesday.  i'm used to relying myself for dealing with kid emergencies (i.e. picking up the boy at school when they call that he is sick; running a pair of pants to the school when he ripped his at recess; running errands to target and aldi's).  we are going to a new church for holy week and easter services.  i have my moments, but our new normal is getting easier and better.  it's all good.

three of a kind

mom found some pictures of herself when she was petunia's age.  dad said she looked like petunia in this one:

now i know where she gets her doe eyes from.  and big giggle grin.  and goofy derp face.  from infant on, i always thought petunia looked like my mom.


this is mom with my gram.  i looked like my mom at this age (around 3).


this is me (3ish?).  maybe closer to 4 (if that's birthday cake...)


there's no denying it.  i finally got a kid who looks like me.  

harbinger for fall

it's sunflower season again:



when i pass this field, it reminds me of when i was pregnant with the boy and the kiddos.  8 years and 2 years ago we passed this field for doctor appointments and tummy checks. and the sunflowers nodded their heads at the road.

it is an awesome memory.  and a sad reminder that autumn will be here before we know it.

real brides wear lace sleeves

image courtesy of we*heart*it

i wish there was a betting pool - becos i guessed that kate/catherine would wear long lace sleeves!  can i just say how refreshing it is to see a bride wearing something other than a boring strapless gown?  i suppose there was a royal edict of how much skin to show, but kate's wedding dress was elegant and modern at the same time.  her dress reminded me of princess grace's dress.  maybe now designers will make wedding dresses that are anything but strapless.  strapless is boring and depending on the shape, not very flattering either.



watching the royal wedding (which i swore i wasn't going to do, except i wanted to see the dress and the hats) made me think back to my own wedding and my own wedding dress.  i got married in the late 90s, before the era of "bridezilla".  most gowns still bore the "mutton leg" sleeves which princess diana set as a precedence in the 80s, in addition to lots of frills.  i didn't want a lot of frill - a little bit of lace, a little bit of glitter, but most of all i wanted lacy bell sleeves for my dream dress.  do you know how hard it is to find bell sleeves?

the bridal shop i went to didn't have any bell sleeves.  bell sleeves weren't "in".  i had to make do with "cuffs"

and i loved my tiara.  that was my mom's rainbow tiara.  

i loved my train:


i didn't want a big poofy dress, so i chose not to wear hoop slip.  big and poofy was in then, and considering i was already "big and poofy" i didn't want to be "bigger and poofier".  i chose white becos i look like a corpse in ivory.  this was just before the subtle shaded dresses became vogue.  if i got married today, i'd rock a pale green or periwinkle dress.  i look so much better in color.  i wanted to wear my beloved doc martins, but mom shot that idea down pretty fast.  i think i wore a pair of white low heels.  i don't think i have them anymore.  today, i'd get married in my bare feet, becos not only do i hate heels, but i can't walk in them either (and no, i wouldn't wear hand knit socks either).  

my dress and veil sits in a rubbermaid tub in a closet at my parent's house.  maybe someday petunia will wear my dress.  and if she wants to hack it to bits to make it her own, that's fine by me!

most women crow about finding the "perfect" dress.  was mine perfect?  it doesn't matter.  on my wedding day it didn't matter what i wore, or how much fun the reception was.  i was marrying my soul mate, and nothing else mattered.

forget william - i found my prince.  and we've been living happily ever after since:

the end of a soapy era

one of the last remnants of my childhood is disappearing.  all my children has been canceled.

don't think i'm a SAHM who sits around watching soap operas eating bonbons.  i started rewatching AMC a couple years ago.

i watched AMC as a little girl.  i remember watching it with grams and my mom.  during the early to mid 80s,  my daily soap ritual started with ryan's hope, loving, all my children, another world and santa barbara.

i will go as far as when i was 8 years old and my grandparents took me to hawaii for a week, i insisted that no activity interrupt  the airing of AMC becos it was the summer of jenny and greg, the teen super couple.


image courtesy of foreverafangirl.com


there was snooty phoebe wallingford and saintly myrtle fargate.  i remember when opal was played by dorothy lyman who went on to mama's family!  gotta love those bastards adam chandler, palmer cortlandt and david hayward.  everyone loves tad the cad!  and we can't remember the last original character of the show, erica kane.


image courtesy of groovyvic.mu.nu

AMC featured many groundbreaking storylines.  erica had the first legal abortion on television.  homosexuality, drug and alcohol addiction, rape, anorexia, and AIDS/HIV were important storylines.  bianca and reese became the first legally married same sex couple (and ironically, the first divorced same sex couple).


image courtesy of lesbiancrete.blogspot.com

AMC also pushed the envelope with really implausible storylines (erica's long lost daughter kendall, her "assumed to be aborted" son josh, not to mention bringing jesse back to life after being dead for 20 years).  a recent storyline featuring the stillbirth of a baby only to have it be replaced by an infant "given up" and left in a police squad car - i don't want to say how many shades of wrong that is - that's a rant for another day.

it's also somewhat amusing what "tragedy" befalls the residents of pine valley - i can't remember how many tornados, explosions and accidents one small village can endure.  and the strange maladies - SORAS being one of my favorites.  and i would LOVE the transportation system they had in pine valley.  need to be in new york for a meeting?  snap!  you're there in 5 minutes!  trip to california - snap!  you're there an hour later!

i stopped watching the show in the late 80s, when schoolwork and activities kept me busy, and i lost interest.  i missed pretty much all of the 90s and 00s.  i only started watching again a couple years ago when the show touted a highly technological tornado story arc.  shortly after was the bianca/reese nups and the reunion between jesse and angie, and i was hooked again.

over the past year or so, my interest waned.  the storylines were banal and i couldn't relate to many of the characters (newer, younger actors and characters).  some few juicy storylines (the return of brooke!) fizzled.  many of my favorites or originals either died (phoebe, palmer, myrtle) or retired (adam/stuart).  to save money, the show moved to the west coast, and many actors (including thorsten kaye, who played zach) chose not to relocate with the show.  the move out west really kicked off the demise of the show.

the show's final episode will air in september.  and so ends another piece of my childhood.

the network plans to air reality talk shows in the place of all my children and one life to live.  really now?  we need more inane talk shows?  no wonder america is becoming more stupid.  keep shoving more reality shows down our throats.  (not that soap operas were perfect for brain development, but they at least were entertaining.)  guess what ABC?  i won't be watching.  i can't stand talk shows. at least now i have 45 free minutes in my day due to your dumb decision.

rest in piece all my children.  you will be missed.

well-used tools

these are aunt helen's needles that got me through the last inch or so of ribbing of the baby sweater.

they were well used bates/boye's.  the susan bates was bent.  and the tips were silver:



i'm not an aluminum straights girl.  i use circulars for ease on my wrists.  but these did their job well.  maybe someday they'll be used again.

i think aunt helen would be proud.

here is where i described her knitting basket.  it's one of my favorite posts.  enjoy!

a birthday shout out

i normally don't post birthday wishes here unless you are related to me, but this one has an indirect connection to my blog.

one of my favorite teachers in high school was miss s.  she was my tenth grade english teacher, a tough but fair teacher, "old school".  hers was one of the very few (non math) classes where i had to work my butt off for the grades i earned.

tenth grade was the year we studied verb tenses.  you know, past, present, future.  i bet if i dig around in my old school things i might find my old verb notes.

why this pertains to my blog, is that every time i write a sentence, and i reread it, i always ask myself, did i write my sentence correct?  is that the right verb?  is it the correct tense?


over 20 years later, i still remember those lessons.  who says you don't use what you learned in high school?

happy "29th" birthday, miss s!  thank you for teaching me!

25 years ago today...

do you remember where you were 25 years ago today?

the challenger explosion was my generation's pearl harbor and kennedy assassination.  i remember where i was.

i was in sixth grade (!!!) and our class was excited that we were going to watch the shuttle launch on tv.  this was before it was common for classrooms to have tvs in them.  we were returning from music class when we arrived in our classroom and found the reading specialist, mrs. P, looking grave.

"i have something to tell you.  the space shuttle has blown up".

the laughter and joy we felt as students turned to shock and awe in an instant.  she turned the tv on and we watched the news feed show the liftoff of the shuttle and its subsequent explosion seconds later, in silence.  we asked questions - were the astronauts okay?  why did this happen?  we learned pretty quickly the fate of the crew.  it would take years to find out why it happened.

we were so excited to learn, before the launch, that there was a school teacher on board.  she was going to teach science experiments from space.  it was cool that there was someone on the shuttle who wasn't a real astronaut - she was a teacher, a regular person, just like us and our teachers.  it gave us (well, me) hope that someday we (i) could go in space, if i really wanted to.

i remember that people magazine came out with a special issue that week, with an article about christa mcauliffe.  mom got me an issue and i remember taking it to school to show it off (how sick was i?).  i held onto that issue for many many years.  i don't think i have it anymore - i think i threw it away when we moved to sby years ago.

i vaguely remember president reagan's speech he gave that evening, to soothe a nation that was shook by such a tragedy.  i have my opinions on him, but he did give an eloquent speech.


it took a few years, but the shuttle launched again, and again, with great success, but not without that fear in the back of our minds.  that fear was realized nearly 20 years later, when space shuttle columbia suffered the same fate.  that tragedy happened on a saturday.  i was coming home from buying groceries.  i was barely out of my first trimester with the boy.  it was cold.  and in an instant, i was back in mr. g's classroom, with mrs. p comforting us while tears ran down her face, with a million questions in my head.

"...The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honoured us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for the journey and waved goodbye and 'slipped the surly bonds of earth' to 'touch the face of God.'"

icy snow day

school and work canceled on account of snow/ice/slush/general winter unpleasantness.

it's tuesday and garbage day, so the kids had some entertainment:






the "dumpsty" man is a long held tradition.  started by myself when i was the kiddos' age, mom said i used to entertain myself by watching the garbage men and truck in civil war burg.  mom used to get a kick out of how excited i'd get, considering how "homely" - i'm being kind here as mom used another PC word to describe them - the dumpsty men were.  then when we lived in mcclure, i loved wednesdays becos the dumpsty man came then, and i'd rush to the front window to watch him.

i passed this tradition on to the boy, who also got equally excited when the street cleaner drove by on mondays (for the other side of the street) and tuesdays (for our side).  and now the kiddos watch out for the dumpsty man (and actually cry if the door isn't open and they miss him).  even the boy enjoyed seeing him today.  gotta love this entertainment.




petunia also learned a new skill this weekend - she learned to climb onto the hassock.


it's cold and dreary out, and i'm in the mood to bake something.  i dug through my "puree" cookbooks looking for something cozy to bake but i'm missing ingredients.  perhaps i can find a mix, and the boy and i can whip something up.  i'm also going to dig through the freezers and see what i can come up with.  why does it seem to storm right before payday/grocery day?  so much for planning ahead!

i've also done a bit of blogging today.  feels good.

my fervent wish every year...maybe santa will deliver?

no true child of the 80s forgets this holiday gem

then there's this version, 5 years later (never knew this existed, it's like the early 90s)...




and then there's the millennial version (my apologies that it's a lyrics version, the one with the celebs is way too short to enjoy):




no matter what decade, you are not a true child of the 80s if you don't remember this ditty!

scenes from a nativity

as a PK, you can be assured that i have a nativity set or five in my house.  a few i keep up year round, the rest only get see the light of advent.



this is the nativity set that my parents have given me piecemeal since i've been married.  it is a fenton glass set, which were made in the 1990s/early 2000s.  each year the company came out with a different piece - first the holy family, then shepherds, wise men, angels, animals (i'm unsure of the order).  my mom has the complete set that some day i will receive.  this set resides in my china cupboard, middle shelf, where everyone can see it.

incidentally, that's our wedding cake topper in front of it.  it has a serendipitous story to tell, maybe some day.




this is the candle nativity i bought through the vermont country store.  the angels were all bought separately so the set is made up of 4 candle sets.  the blue angel and the little angels i got this year.  very vintage.




holy family, batman!

my pap painted this ceramic set many many years ago.  my mom brought it out during the holidays when i was growing up, and after we moved it sat, unloved, in a box with other unloved, forgotten christmas decorations.  several years ago i rescued it during the purge, and it sat in a curio case until a couple months ago when we redid the computer room and gave the curio to grams.  i didn't want to put the set away so i set it out on my bookcase.  the boy has since reclaimed the bookcase as a "level" in his pretend mario game that he has established in that room.

however, i had no clue that catwoman and the penguin were present at jesus' birth.  i guess the four gospels let that little bit out of the christmas story.   and that's how the easter bunny got involved with jesus.

oh, this is just an aside, but i can't resist adding this photo (before it gets lost in my flickr stream forever:



hubby's grandpa made this jacob's ladder toy for hubby when he was little.  there's a wooden notched block that flips over the bars.  the boy inherited it and somehow it found its way to the computer room.  it is now what i call "the owlery" (me and my harry potter addiction!).  perhaps the owls (and the bald eagle) also delivered good news of the christ child's birth?

when the boy was a toddler we got him the fisher price nativity set.  it was a nativity set we knew he could play with and not harm.  every year we'd get it out from the closet and set it up under the coffee table in the living room.  the coffee table is gone now, but we brought the set out for the little ones to play with.  they seem to like the palm trees.  i got tired of finding its pieces scattered around the living/dining rooms so i found a basket to put them in for the remainder of the season.  and then i'll have to find the figures which i'm pretty soon got mixed with their other little people toys.

we bought another set and gave it to the boy's nursery class, in memory of a little boy who died from meningitis.  that set sits on a window sill in the kiddos' sunday school room, where other children play with it too.  

we have a couple other nativity sets that i didn't put out this year.  one is a blue mother of pearl ceramic set that people from my old church gave us when we got married.  every year that set was under our christmas tree, surrounded by deer and little houses.  and yes, baby jesus makes his appearance christmas eve/day - he is absent during advent, and mary and joseph admire an empty manger.  i haven't had this nativity set out for a couple of years.  maybe next year it'll make a return appearance!

the boy also has a small hard rubber nativity scene that his sunday school teacher from hubby's old church gave him many years ago.  i forgot to get it out this year (along with MM's white lighted tree, which also sat in the boy's room).  i surmise the set got lost in the knickknacks box in the closet.

this year mom got out a nativity set that they'd gotten as a gift from the same people who made my set.  it is a painted ceramic native american nativity set, with bears, coyotes and buffalo instead of camels and sheep and cattle.  it is a beautiful set.  mom got it out for the boy to enjoy, and he loves it.  mom said after the holidays she would pack it up and send it over for the boy to keep in his room (this set hadn't seen the light of day for almost 20 years too).

we also have nativity tree ornaments, including a peanuts nativity (lucy is mary, charlie brown is joseph), plastic a-frame style ornaments i'd gotten as a kid in church, a glass and mirror ornament that i no longer hang becos the figures are loose, and an ancient tear drop ornament set that mom got down in fortress when i was little.

yeppers, we gots lotsa nativity sets.

the christmas baskets

our family has a unique type of christmas basket for our holidays:






laundry baskets?  allow me to explain.


these baskets are hubby's old wash baskets.  he used them to schlep his stuff around when moving to and from the dorms in college.  if memory serves me, one of the baskets carried his stereo system (which we still have btw.  it's up in the attic tho.  i hate to part with it becos it's a good albeit outdated one).  from the appearance of the taped up handle on the green basket, they are about 20 years old.  the blue one is as sturdy as an ox.  all of the plastic wash baskets i've had are broken.

anyway, when we first got married, we used these wash baskets to carry our presents back and forth to our parents' houses during the holidays.  the green one, to my parents, and the blue one, to hubby's.  every year, we'd stack our presents in there, and return home with the gifts we'd received.

with the addition of the kids, we could use a few more baskets.  but we stack and cram what we can in the baskets, and use shopping bags or gift bags for the rest.

the baskets live under the boy's bed the rest of the year.

remembering john lennon

this song was played at the boy's baptism...one of the rare occasions that mom and dad allowed a secular song in a church service.  it is one of my favorite songs.

makes you wonder what the music world would have been like had john lennon lived.

the milkman cometh

remember these?




last week when we were out at penn state, i made a trip to meyer's dairy on the outskirts of town.  i used to go there when i was a little girl, and i was craving some ice cream.  the line was out the door, so i decided to pick up a carton of chocolate marshmallow.  while i waited people came in and out with carriers of empty milk bottles, which they dropped off, then bought more bottles of milk.  i decided to buy a bottle of milk too, for the kiddos.

i wish there was a dairy in the area that still sold milk in bottles.  state college is a bit out of the way for me.

i remember, when i was a little girl, going to a dairy on orange street in briar creek to get milk for my nana and pop pop.  i was always intrigued by the wire carrier, the square bottles of milk.  it's been nearly 25 years, but i can still remember seeing those bottles in my nana's refrigerator.

having twins and a big kid, we go through an insane amount of milk in a week.  some days i think we should just buy a cow, for the amount of milk we drink.

i buy organic milk, which is (so sadly) expensive.  i try to offset the cost, by buying a half gallon of whole organic and a gallon (or 2) for the kiddos, and a half gallon of 2% for hubby and the boy and a half gallon of organic 2% for me (which lasts about 2 weeks if the boy doesn't get to it first).  i wish organic milk didn't cost so much.  i really think it is so much better.

i've heard of raw milk, but it skeeves me out a bit.  i know it is supposed to taste better and more "real", but i can't get over the not pasteurized aspect of it.

the next time i got back out to state college, i'll stop by the dairy again, and buy more milk. and ice cream too.

tonga

What toy from your childhood do you still have in your possession?





when i was 3 i got a small stuffed monkey from a lady at my gram's bank.  his name was tonga.  he was brown with dangly arms and legs, and a long tail.  he had a tan muzzle, cute little ears and brown eyes.


i loved that monkey and he went with me everywhere.  i loved rubbing his right foot - it was so soft.  the left one was rough.  





tonga had 2 profiles, one jolly:





one serious:


  


i used to wrap wet kleenex around his leg, pretending he had a broken leg.  i used to parade him up and down the sidewalk in my doll stroller like that.  i'm sure my neighbors thought i was nutters, doing that.





as tonga got older, his eyes frosted over, he lost a nostril (and i colored it in with black marker) and the fur rubbed off in spots.  but i loved him.  


when i had the boy, i let him play with him.  but when he was too rough, i'd take him away.  he was still my monkey!


on a visit to philly a couple years ago, i found a stuffed monkey in a children's shop on walnut street.  he was a jellycat stuffy, but but he was a deadringer for tonga.  i bought him on sight, praying for a baby someday to love him as much as i loved tonga.


a year later we found out we were having twins.  so i ordered another jellycat monkey, although it was smaller.  so now, petunia and freddie each have their own "tonga".


tonga sits on my hope chest in our bedroom.  

the road not taken

have you ever had a moment where you look at your life and wonder "how the hell did i get here?"  sometimes the oddest thing will set off that comment and give me pause.

one of MFB recently wrote about a recent move to another country.  reading her description took me back to my college years, when i would have given anything to visit this country.

in school i had a good friend who kept me in wonderful mix tapes (!!!).  we would trade music back and forth, he keeping me up to date with the latest in industrial noise from GB, me shipping off the newest in depressing grunge (this was the nirvanapearlpilotsinchains era after all).  we never met in real life but flirted quite a bit online.

my school had a studies abroad program but at that time didn't include studying in england.  and anyway, what kind of classes could i have taken?  i was a psych major and while i'm sure there could have been psych classes in england, i'm not sure they would have been the best classes.  secondly, i couldn't afford to study abroad either.  while my college tuition was paid by my mom's sweat and tears tuition exchange, that didn't include study abroad.

also, i was realistic - would i really have wanted to study, when there was so much to explore?  i figure i would have spent the semester clubbing/pubbing/having copious amounts of empty sex/possibly smoking pot (he smoked pot, one of many deal breakers about him).  while i'm sure it could have been fun, i would not have accomplished much.

the little voice in my head told me "he's not the one...don't even bother.  he's not the one."  so many deal breakers - the pot, he smoked cigarettes, he liked his guinness, and he wasn't a virgin.  he didn't want to get married.  he didn't want to have kids.  if that isn't a big red flag there, i don't know what is.

so i graduated and got a job working for the county.  my british friend and i drifted apart as our jobs took up our time.  a year after i graduated, i met hubby.  and the little voice in my head said "he's the one.  don't let him go.  don't be a jerk and scare him away becos HE IS THE ONE!!!"  

two years after we met, we got married.  four years later we had the boy, and six years after that, the kiddos.  this is the life i always wanted.  that's how i got to this place in my life.

i have no idear what has become of my old friend.  nearly every year, around his birthday, i have a dream about him where he tells me he is doing well.  i'm sure he's still pubbing, clubbing, drinking guinness, probably having empty sex.  last year, i threw away all the letters (!!!) he sent me long ago.  but i kept the mix tapes.  and i've downloaded a few songs from iTunes, becos i know those tapes will not survive in the long run.


sometimes the road not taken isn't the right road all along.

sold!

yesterday my mom helped me hold a yard sale up at my gram's house.  i wanted to get rid of baby gear and clothes and i had a year's worth of clothes, swings, bouncers and bottles that i wanted to clear out of the house.  throughout the spring and summer i sorted through tubs of clothes, keeping certain outfits and boxing ones i didn't want.  becos of illness and busy schedules, i didn't get the attic and cellar cleaned out like i wanted.  as the kiddos outgrew the swings and bouncers, i sent them over to mom's, who took them up to gram's.  then the summer got away from us, and we pinned down a date to hold the sale.  we decided the last friday and saturday in july would be a good time for the sale.  mom put an ad in gram's paper.  dad collected some old tools to sweeten the load, and gram found some things she didn't want.  during the week mom and dad schlepped boxes, tables and gear up to gram's, mom got money to use for change, and on thursday gram and mom pinned outfits together, put clothes on hangers and sorted items for the tables.  they also stuck price stickers on bigger items.

yesterday i took the kids up and saw the sale was in full swing.  mom said that people started coming around 6:30 in the morning, while she and dad were setting up tables.  the sale was supposed to start at 8 but people came in a steady stream beforehand - i think mom said they started selling stuff at 7:30.  gram took the kiddos for a walk and i helped mom check people out and straightening piles of clothes.

mom said my old nursing scrubs sold first.  a woman who worked for the red rock job corps center bought them for her students.  i had those uniforms for nearly 10 years - they held a lot of pain for me and i wanted to get rid of them in the worse way, but i couldn't find a way to sell them until this year.  mom said the jungle swing went quickly.

you meet all kinds of people at yard sales.  most people are pretty nice.  there was one older lady who bought up a ton of baby clothes, gear, my diet books and gram's clothes.  she seemed a bit dotty, but said they were for a baby in the family.  she bought my old maternity jeans, asked about the size (they were big for her) then commented "well, my husband can wear them.  he has alzheimers, he won't know the difference."  (!!!)  i made the dumb mistake of saying that we'd probably have another sale next year and she left her name and number so that we could call her so she could buy more things.  gram thought she was one of those people who buy things then resell them at a higher price.  hey, if she can get more money, more power to her, cos the stuff is out of my house now!

another customer was a girl and her mom - she was pregnant and needed boy clothes, after finding out the "girl" she thought she was having and bought things for was actually a boy.  she bought the bobux and a lot of clothes.

while most people are nice and fair, you do get some stingy and mean people.  there were 2 older ladies who were buying clothes for a baby that was "probably going to be put up for adoption."  the baby was 2 months old.  the one lady grumbled becos i had a lot of fleecy pajamas - didn't i have any cooler cotton ones?  then she asked if i could do better on the price of the jammies - i was asking a buck - i thought they were cheap enough already!  then she pulled out petunia's easter outfit - it was priced at 75 cents, and mom had bought the pants and shirt an a yard sale last year for about $5 total - and asked if i could do better.  i said, "my mom paid X amount of dollars for some of those outfits, i think a dollar is reasonable!"  she pursed her lips and sighed, then demanded that i help her find onesies.  i suppose she was expecting me to give her the clothes for free becos they were for "a baby going into foster care" but damn it, i wanted to make some money off my stuff.  literally, a buck.  was that too much to ask?  later on dad said that so many churches have clothing giveaways and that a lot of people expect that at yard sales too.  had i known that i would have told the old biddy that if she wanted something for nothing to get the clothes elsewhere!

someone also walked off with 2 of dad's tool kits, priced at $10 and $5 dollars.  dad said he remembered seeing a woman carrying them around, and assumed that she paid mom for them.  it was a shame - it's not a lot of money, but the principle of it.  dad said thefts at yard sales was common too.  it's a shame that people have to do that.  no sense at all.

by 10 we sold about a third of the clothes and mom asked if i wanted to slash prices yet.  we decided to wait until 10:30.  none of the snow suits or sleep sacks had sold yet, nor the car seat fleeces or the mobile.  so we went through and knocked a buck or 2 off of things, and sales heated up.  the snow suits sold as did the car seat fleeces, and the dotty lady bought the mobile and a few of the sleep sacks.

by noon we were tired and getting sunburned and decided to close up shop.  all that was left was a diaper box of petunia's clothes, one of freddie's outfits (which i pulled, cos i hesitated selling it anyway), gram's plastic flowers (they were old, they smelled old and plastically) and an old tool box and kerosene heater.  we made a modest amount of money, now safely stored at the bank, where it will go to make a credit card payment, becos unfortunately the kids are still growing and i will have to buy more clothes.

mom was tired and grumpy.  the boy was a terror and i was weary from tag teaming with the kids and the sale.  if/when we do this again, the kids stay home with hubby!  we cleaned up and went home.

i learned a couple things, to make the next sale better.  when i sort the kids clothes, i will pin outfits together.  mom and gram did their best to keep outfits together, but some things were still separated.  it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but there were some outfits i wanted to keep together.  i think i will also sort clothes by boy and girl.  i think i did this but it might make things easier for next year.  i'll also remember to keep hangers for those outfits that hung.  also, hopefully i can add more things to sell!  there were household things i wanted to get rid of like books, cooking things and videos.  hopefully next year we won't be sick, and i'll be able to get away from the kiddos long enough to do some cleaning here and there.

i always find yard sales somewhat bittersweet.  getting rid of stuff.  history.  selling the kids stuff was hard.  but i realize that we need the money more than the things, and i do have the memories (and some photos) to remember them by.

okay, i'm getting this out of my system NOW.  i cannot allow myself to feel sad about getting rid of my kids things.  they are objects.  stuff.  i refuse to be controlled by my stuff.  i will allow myself to keep a few things - obviously the snoopy clothes and the dachshund clothes i can keep.  toys that the kids truly loved.  but everything else.  is.  just.  stuff.  i have no room for it in the attic or the cellar.  the kids probably won't care when they grow up.  so next year when it's time to get rid of the damn car seats and the exersaucer and the avents and the kids summer clothes and the baby toys, i will not think twice.  i will sell them and never look back. 


okay, mischief managed.  now i feel better.

now i feel a little lighter, getting rid of the big ticket stuff.  next year's sale - the exersaucer, the avents, mom's changing table, and more clothes.  and hopefully even more stuff.