week 11

nearly into my 12th week. this week went pretty smoothly. i think my tummy is growing as it looks a little rounder, and my elephant pooch is filling out. i don't feel as nauseous or as tired but i do get sleepy in the afternoon and nap still.

my appetite is still hit or miss. some days i'm ravenous. other days just watching food on tv make me sick. my boobs still twinge a bit and hubby commented on the shape of my nips. apparently they become conical while pregnant. who knew! my tummy feels crampy at times and i hope it's becos my uterus is growing.

i feel bittersweet. this is the last weekend my boy will know he's an only child. we will tell him our news on monday, so we'll have him prepared my my checkup next week. from different conversations i've had with him, i think he'll be receptive of having 2 younger siblings.

i sometimes feel guilty having these babies. i feel guilty that the boy will no longer be an only child. i know this is crap since we are bettering his life by adding to our family. maybe it's my only child feelings clouding my thoughts. but i could bawl thinking about sharing my time between 3 children and less time with my boy.

i feel so bad thinking this. i've wanted another child for so long and am so ashamed to think this. i'm so afraid that this thinking will do something to the babies and i will lose them.

i'm so glad that i'm nearly out of the first trimester. this has been the longest 4 weeks of my life.