suffocation

i got a total of 2 hours of sleep last night. woke up around 1:30 in the morning feeling like i was suffocating. the same thing happened a few weeks ago, but back then i blamed myself becos i'd eaten a huge hoagie the night before. not only did i not have a big meal last night, but maybe my sinuses were a bit stuffy too cos i didn't take my allergy meds the day before. i tried to not have another panic attack, watched tv, downloaded some solitaire games, tried to get sleepy again. but every time i'd fall asleep, i doze for 15 minutes then jerk awake. i can't imagine what it feels like for someone with a breathing disorder. this has been scaring the shit out of me. not being able to breathe or sleep for the next 10 weeks.

i caught up some this afternoon. maybe slept 2-3 hours. but i pray this doesn't happen every night. i don't know where else to sleep. can't sleep in bed (snore, can't breathe). can't sleep in the recliner (snore, apnea). i've been on the sofa since january and i sleep on my side, but i'm just so damn uncomfortable.

right now i'm 26 weeks. i have at least 10 more weeks of this. how am i going to make it? i was never this scared with the boy. this scares me worse than the threat of miscarriage. i barely eat, i hurt like hell, can barely breathe. i'm trying to stay positive but for days like this, it's really really hard.