welcome to week 25, AKA viability. last week's belly check went well, with no major problems. i go back in (now) 3 weeks with another U/S. hopefully rolly will be more cooperative this time. and so far i've gained only 8 pounds.
this week i have been feeling rather prickly. i feel like every comment directed to me offends me. it's prolly hormones, it's prolly me just being weird, but it seems that every time i say something, someone has a smart ass comment back to me, and it's pissing me off.
to kick off this loverly topic, i'm pissed that people at church haven't really commented much on my pregnancy. oh, i get "how are you feeling this week" questions but they seem few and far between. i don't want to make it sound like i'm fishing for comments, but why did it seem when someone else was pregnant, i always asked how they were, and now that i'm pregnant, no one gives a shit? i'm not having a run of the mill pregnancy here - this pregnancy has been a little trickier than the boy's singleton one. i know i shouldn't let it get to me, and mom and dad said that they get quite a few questions about me, but why doesn't anyone say it to my face?
secondly, last night at SnB we had a new lady join us. she was already familiar with our group having seen us when she frequents the library, and she decided to join us. the pharmacy lady knew her from work and introduced us around and when she introduced me she commented that i was having twins. the new lady looks at me with shock and says "better you than me." while i was trying to pick my jaw up off the table, the pharmacy lady must have noticed my shocked look and added "diva didn't know she was having twins until the doctor told her, and then she argued with him about it!" i added yeah, i didn't believe it myself, but here i am, getting ready for 2 more kids! i felt like such an ass. this is the first backhanded twins comment i ever had. i get a lot of "congrats", "double the pleasure, double the fun!", some "i always wanted twins" (to this one i say "it's a little different than carrying a singleton, but it's been an adventure nevertheless") and my favorite, "you're going to have your hands full" (no shit? i just planned to let them beat on each other for entertainment.) even that last comment doesn't bug me as bad, since it has a grain of truth - yes, i'm going to have my hands full, yes i'm scared to death of having to care for 2 babies, but often after that comment i get a "i heard that twins are easier than singletons becos they have each other" and that seems to absolve the comment.
well, back to the comment. just when i finally got my head around having twins, just when i started to relax into my pregnancy, just when i started feeling like this pregnancy was actually becoming fun despite the pain and discomfort, the comment knocked me over and made me feel scared again. like, how dare i have twins. what am i, crazy to have 2 babies? i never asked for this. i never asked my ovaries to drop 2 eggs to get fertilized. i never asked to lose ani last year which put me in this place. i never asked God for this precious blessing. but the comment made me feel like shit, and it's been hard to shake ever since. i told hubby about it last night, and playing the devil's advocate, commented that maybe the lady regretted saying that once the words came out of her mouth. maybe she's the type of person that doesn't know how to censor herself. i'm trying really hard to give her mulligans on this one. she doesn't know i had losses. and lord knows i've eaten both feet up to the thigh with ignorant comments myself. but this one hurt and like i said, i'm trying really hard to let it go.
last night i took the stroller afghan to work on and as always people ask what everyone else is working on, and when it came to the afghan i showed them the pattern, talked about the yarn, i was really excited about the project. the new lady asked me if i was just making one and i said no, everything i make i have to make 2 of each so each baby has something. she gave me a funny look like i was crazy for making 2 of each project.
what the fuck am i supposed to do? be the mean bitch knitter mommy and make only one pair of booties, one blanket, one hat, and expect the babies to fight over them, or wear one bootie a piece? i am having a hard enough time just GETTING STARTED WITH KNITTING, i have no desire to knit right now, but i have to becos i have a lot of things i wanted to make the babies before they're born, and i'm pretty sure my knitting time will be severely limited once they arrive. i've already come to the realization that i won't be making fancy lacy sweaters for the babies. i'm grateful that i have some booties, hats, the baptismal blankets and now these stroller blankets. again, the comment just rubbed me wrong.
then i asked one lady if she had any chemo cap patterns for my MIL. she makes a lot of them and i figured she'd have a favorite to pass on to me and have good suggestions. as always, she was a fountain of knowledge and suggested different styles of hats and even steered me to certain yarns. i told her that i wanted to make something for my MIL, to help her get through this difficult time, but i was unsure what to do. she may or may not lose her hair, and she may or may not wear a cap, so i don't know if i should make one. i want to make her a prayer shawl, but i'm spending my knitting time making baby things i'm trying to figure out how to squeeze this in. i toyed with slippers, since i've heard that a patient's feet get cold during chemo treatment. so many options, i don't know what to do. the chemo cap lady suggested a shawl or the slippers were a good idea. the new lady suggested a prayer shawl and that if i wanted one she could get one for me becos she belongs to a PS ministry. i told her that i belonged to one too and she gave me a funny look, like i didn't know what i was talking about. i mean, if i'm going to give MIL a prayer shawl, it's coming from me. i realize the lady was prolly trying to be helpful, but again, RUBBED ME WRONG. pharmacy lady must have caught my discomfort again when she commented on the preemie caps i made for my church. bless pharmacy lady, for being on the defense of me last night.
and i have to learn to shut my fucking mouth on ravelry. on the KDO thread, some of us commented that there seemed to be fewer classes this year. i commented that maybe some classes were eliminated becos of lack of interest (i guess i should be grateful i didn't say "the xmas classes" becos they were the ones that were glaringly missing to me.). a coordinator of KDO later posts WITH MY POST that yes, there were fewer classes becos they were unable to get many teachers and volunteers, and why not next year i offer to teach a class or volunteer. i realize that she was prolly just commenting on my comment, but all i read was DUMB BITCH STOP COMPLAINING IF IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH WHY NOT HELP OUT. i swear i'm schizophrenic that way.
then the other comment i made was about my opinion on last night's jon and kate. i commented that kate getting a phone call on the elliptical trainer rubbed me wrong. another poster asked why it bothered me since there are far more inconvenient places to get a phone call. i don't know why it bothered me. it just did. call it crazy hormones. whatever.
anywas, i really need to learn to not take such comments to heart. i need to realize that NO ONE IS OUT TO GET ME. i realize i'm entitled to my opinion whether or not anyone likes it. i just gotta let it go and go one with my life. it's not worth it.
this week i have been feeling rather prickly. i feel like every comment directed to me offends me. it's prolly hormones, it's prolly me just being weird, but it seems that every time i say something, someone has a smart ass comment back to me, and it's pissing me off.
to kick off this loverly topic, i'm pissed that people at church haven't really commented much on my pregnancy. oh, i get "how are you feeling this week" questions but they seem few and far between. i don't want to make it sound like i'm fishing for comments, but why did it seem when someone else was pregnant, i always asked how they were, and now that i'm pregnant, no one gives a shit? i'm not having a run of the mill pregnancy here - this pregnancy has been a little trickier than the boy's singleton one. i know i shouldn't let it get to me, and mom and dad said that they get quite a few questions about me, but why doesn't anyone say it to my face?
secondly, last night at SnB we had a new lady join us. she was already familiar with our group having seen us when she frequents the library, and she decided to join us. the pharmacy lady knew her from work and introduced us around and when she introduced me she commented that i was having twins. the new lady looks at me with shock and says "better you than me." while i was trying to pick my jaw up off the table, the pharmacy lady must have noticed my shocked look and added "diva didn't know she was having twins until the doctor told her, and then she argued with him about it!" i added yeah, i didn't believe it myself, but here i am, getting ready for 2 more kids! i felt like such an ass. this is the first backhanded twins comment i ever had. i get a lot of "congrats", "double the pleasure, double the fun!", some "i always wanted twins" (to this one i say "it's a little different than carrying a singleton, but it's been an adventure nevertheless") and my favorite, "you're going to have your hands full" (no shit? i just planned to let them beat on each other for entertainment.) even that last comment doesn't bug me as bad, since it has a grain of truth - yes, i'm going to have my hands full, yes i'm scared to death of having to care for 2 babies, but often after that comment i get a "i heard that twins are easier than singletons becos they have each other" and that seems to absolve the comment.
well, back to the comment. just when i finally got my head around having twins, just when i started to relax into my pregnancy, just when i started feeling like this pregnancy was actually becoming fun despite the pain and discomfort, the comment knocked me over and made me feel scared again. like, how dare i have twins. what am i, crazy to have 2 babies? i never asked for this. i never asked my ovaries to drop 2 eggs to get fertilized. i never asked to lose ani last year which put me in this place. i never asked God for this precious blessing. but the comment made me feel like shit, and it's been hard to shake ever since. i told hubby about it last night, and playing the devil's advocate, commented that maybe the lady regretted saying that once the words came out of her mouth. maybe she's the type of person that doesn't know how to censor herself. i'm trying really hard to give her mulligans on this one. she doesn't know i had losses. and lord knows i've eaten both feet up to the thigh with ignorant comments myself. but this one hurt and like i said, i'm trying really hard to let it go.
last night i took the stroller afghan to work on and as always people ask what everyone else is working on, and when it came to the afghan i showed them the pattern, talked about the yarn, i was really excited about the project. the new lady asked me if i was just making one and i said no, everything i make i have to make 2 of each so each baby has something. she gave me a funny look like i was crazy for making 2 of each project.
what the fuck am i supposed to do? be the mean bitch knitter mommy and make only one pair of booties, one blanket, one hat, and expect the babies to fight over them, or wear one bootie a piece? i am having a hard enough time just GETTING STARTED WITH KNITTING, i have no desire to knit right now, but i have to becos i have a lot of things i wanted to make the babies before they're born, and i'm pretty sure my knitting time will be severely limited once they arrive. i've already come to the realization that i won't be making fancy lacy sweaters for the babies. i'm grateful that i have some booties, hats, the baptismal blankets and now these stroller blankets. again, the comment just rubbed me wrong.
then i asked one lady if she had any chemo cap patterns for my MIL. she makes a lot of them and i figured she'd have a favorite to pass on to me and have good suggestions. as always, she was a fountain of knowledge and suggested different styles of hats and even steered me to certain yarns. i told her that i wanted to make something for my MIL, to help her get through this difficult time, but i was unsure what to do. she may or may not lose her hair, and she may or may not wear a cap, so i don't know if i should make one. i want to make her a prayer shawl, but i'm spending my knitting time making baby things i'm trying to figure out how to squeeze this in. i toyed with slippers, since i've heard that a patient's feet get cold during chemo treatment. so many options, i don't know what to do. the chemo cap lady suggested a shawl or the slippers were a good idea. the new lady suggested a prayer shawl and that if i wanted one she could get one for me becos she belongs to a PS ministry. i told her that i belonged to one too and she gave me a funny look, like i didn't know what i was talking about. i mean, if i'm going to give MIL a prayer shawl, it's coming from me. i realize the lady was prolly trying to be helpful, but again, RUBBED ME WRONG. pharmacy lady must have caught my discomfort again when she commented on the preemie caps i made for my church. bless pharmacy lady, for being on the defense of me last night.
and i have to learn to shut my fucking mouth on ravelry. on the KDO thread, some of us commented that there seemed to be fewer classes this year. i commented that maybe some classes were eliminated becos of lack of interest (i guess i should be grateful i didn't say "the xmas classes" becos they were the ones that were glaringly missing to me.). a coordinator of KDO later posts WITH MY POST that yes, there were fewer classes becos they were unable to get many teachers and volunteers, and why not next year i offer to teach a class or volunteer. i realize that she was prolly just commenting on my comment, but all i read was DUMB BITCH STOP COMPLAINING IF IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH WHY NOT HELP OUT. i swear i'm schizophrenic that way.
then the other comment i made was about my opinion on last night's jon and kate. i commented that kate getting a phone call on the elliptical trainer rubbed me wrong. another poster asked why it bothered me since there are far more inconvenient places to get a phone call. i don't know why it bothered me. it just did. call it crazy hormones. whatever.
anywas, i really need to learn to not take such comments to heart. i need to realize that NO ONE IS OUT TO GET ME. i realize i'm entitled to my opinion whether or not anyone likes it. i just gotta let it go and go one with my life. it's not worth it.
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