they say God has a master plan for everyone, but it isn't always revealed until it needs to be - this could be 5 minutes away, 50 years, the moment we die. i think i saw a glimpse of the plan yesterday and it amazes me how things work out the way they do.
yesterday was the boy's first day of school. i was getting ready to go shopping (first solo trip in months!) when the phone rang. it was my dad, telling me that my grandmother fell in her bedroom and thought she broke her arm. they were running up to take her to the hospital.
throughout the day mom or dad would call with reports - waiting in the ER for the doc, settling her in for the night in a room, waiting for the orthopedist to come set the bone (a broken wrist, we found out).
at the same time, my MIL, who had her first chemo treatment on wednesday, passed out in the early afternoon and my FIL had to take HER to the ER. we didn't hear this until late last night, when FIL called and asked for help with his truck - his battery was dead and needed a jump. hubby had been trying to reach his folks all afternoon and evening but they never answered their phones. MIL is now hospitalized for observation, becos, as i wasn't aware, the chemo drugs can destroy heart tissue.
i can't help but think that (in my selfish mind) it was probably very lucky that the babies arrived when they did. had they not arrived, i would probably be having a C-section today. it's the boy's second day of school, and we are home to see him off on the bus and to pick him up in the afternoon. if i was in the hospital, and grams was in the hospital, and MIL was in the hospital, there would be no one around to get him to and from school. mom assured that dad would be around to see him off, but it's not the same. MIL had chemo this week, which puts her on "quarantine", so she and prolly FIL couldn't take care of the boy. and this is incredibly morbid, but if something happens to grams, she at least saw the birth of the twins and got to meet and hold them.
yes, this is what i'm scared about. last night mom called after 8 - grams was resting in a room, with her wrist on a pillow, not set, no meds. she was in a lot of pain, plus her back (which had previous problems) was paining her. she said that when it got closer to sleep, she was going to ask for meds for her back. grams is unable to stand on her own - her knee gave out on her (no reason why, other than the doc speculated that her knees prolly have arthritis and that's what let her down) so she needs help going to the bathroom and getting up. mom said she's (grams, herself) is scared. i think mom (and grams) is afraid that she'll need to go into a home. and that will definitely kill my grandmother.
i'm not sure what treatment protocol is, but i question whether or not my grams is getting the best care available. mom said they sat in the ER for hours. dad was concerned that while they took gram's vitals (temps, BP) they never checked her heart. this concerns me too since apparently her BP was sky high (from shock and pain) and i'm scared she'll either have a heart attack or a stroke. her wrist hasn't been set yet although they anticipated the ortho doc coming in late to do it. i know it's a small hospital, but it just doesn't seem like enough. is it really just a minor (!!?) injury? or are they slacking on treatment becos she's old and maybe anticipate that something will happen (like she'll die)?
and what has me awake at 5 in the morning is that i woke up from a horrible dream. i dreamt of my grandmother, near her hospital bed, crying becos "she kept hearing voices" and knew the end was near. what woke me up was hearing a phone ring at quarter to 5 in the morning. i am praying that it is residual pregnancy hormones giving me this awful dream. i almost afraid for the next couple of hours (until after 8) when the boy is off to school, becos if anything did happen to my grandmother, i cannot believe mom would call me before sending the boy to school. plus she is leaving early this morning to go back to the hospital and she is dropping some stuff off. this should be around 7.
i think i have mentioned in previous posts what a stubborn woman my grandmother is. it's hereditary as mom, myself and hopefully the pixie are just as stubborn. after grams fell, she managed to call mom and dad (fortunately there is a phone in the bedroom). since her knee still felt weak, she half crawled to the attic where she got pap's cane. she then managed to get out to the breezeway (which is at the other end of the house) to unlock the door to let the garage door guy in becos the garage door was broken. the guy arrives, offered to take grams to the hospital, and GRAMS REFUSES. she sits in the breezeway waiting for mom and waiting for the door guy to fix the door. apparently he was gone before mom and dad got there. can you believe that? instead of calling an ambulance or my aunt or cousin or myriad of other relatives that live nearby, grams waited in pain for my parents to come, only to be shipped to the hospital in an ambulance anyway!
like i told mom and hubby, i really hope this clips gram's mowing wings. she is 85 years old and INSISTS on mowing her own grass. and it's not a small patch of grass. it is a very large yard ( actually two, a front and a back). she does this all by hand (the yard is big enough for a riding mower but she has no room to store one). it scares the shit out of me becos i am always afraid that some day we'll get a call from her neighbors saying they found her dead pushing her mower. maybe this ends the mowing debate.
oh, the boy had a great day at school! he got on the bus just fine and came home all excited. apparently that was the highlight of his day - riding the bus! we tried to ask him questions about his day - who did he meet, what was his classes like, and he was too jazzed up to really tell us. he was really wound when he came home. hubby guessed it was from sitting for nearly 6 hours, trying to be good. he was also hungry - his fault for not eating the lunch i sent! i gave him his school cone (which prolly jazzed him up worse), which had school supplies, markers, pencils, a stapler and tape (so he's not stealing mine!), hershey kisses and starbursts. while at the grocery store i got him a general grevous figure, and i also got a jawa which i planned to give for his birthday but he found them both. he is obsessed with star wars right now and it seemed like the perfect goodie for him. he then proceeded to beat on the cone, which i grumped him - it needs to last him the next few years (or until he complains about it). we got him to bed by 8, fell asleep shortly thereafter. we wanted to start bedding him early for the past few weeks but the babies' schedules kinda blew that off course. waking him up is just as interesting. he was used to sleeping in (his old school didn't start until 9) so he's in for a rude awakening for the next few weeks. he'll adjust. we all will.
did i cry when he went off to school? i welled up, but was too busy trying to take pictures of him getting on the bus. and i had a big cry the night before in the shower (showers and baths are great for this). hubby was really worried. i think he worries that i could have PPD. i hope it's too early to have that. i don't feel depressed. i feel overwhelmed at caring for 2 babies at the same time (and even more so if mom has to care for grams and is unable to help out like she planned). it's bittersweet that the boy is off to school - obviously i'm happy that he's in school, but also a bit sad that he is growing up and doesn't need me as much as he used to. but that's life. nothing else to do but deal.
yesterday was the boy's first day of school. i was getting ready to go shopping (first solo trip in months!) when the phone rang. it was my dad, telling me that my grandmother fell in her bedroom and thought she broke her arm. they were running up to take her to the hospital.
throughout the day mom or dad would call with reports - waiting in the ER for the doc, settling her in for the night in a room, waiting for the orthopedist to come set the bone (a broken wrist, we found out).
at the same time, my MIL, who had her first chemo treatment on wednesday, passed out in the early afternoon and my FIL had to take HER to the ER. we didn't hear this until late last night, when FIL called and asked for help with his truck - his battery was dead and needed a jump. hubby had been trying to reach his folks all afternoon and evening but they never answered their phones. MIL is now hospitalized for observation, becos, as i wasn't aware, the chemo drugs can destroy heart tissue.
i can't help but think that (in my selfish mind) it was probably very lucky that the babies arrived when they did. had they not arrived, i would probably be having a C-section today. it's the boy's second day of school, and we are home to see him off on the bus and to pick him up in the afternoon. if i was in the hospital, and grams was in the hospital, and MIL was in the hospital, there would be no one around to get him to and from school. mom assured that dad would be around to see him off, but it's not the same. MIL had chemo this week, which puts her on "quarantine", so she and prolly FIL couldn't take care of the boy. and this is incredibly morbid, but if something happens to grams, she at least saw the birth of the twins and got to meet and hold them.
yes, this is what i'm scared about. last night mom called after 8 - grams was resting in a room, with her wrist on a pillow, not set, no meds. she was in a lot of pain, plus her back (which had previous problems) was paining her. she said that when it got closer to sleep, she was going to ask for meds for her back. grams is unable to stand on her own - her knee gave out on her (no reason why, other than the doc speculated that her knees prolly have arthritis and that's what let her down) so she needs help going to the bathroom and getting up. mom said she's (grams, herself) is scared. i think mom (and grams) is afraid that she'll need to go into a home. and that will definitely kill my grandmother.
i'm not sure what treatment protocol is, but i question whether or not my grams is getting the best care available. mom said they sat in the ER for hours. dad was concerned that while they took gram's vitals (temps, BP) they never checked her heart. this concerns me too since apparently her BP was sky high (from shock and pain) and i'm scared she'll either have a heart attack or a stroke. her wrist hasn't been set yet although they anticipated the ortho doc coming in late to do it. i know it's a small hospital, but it just doesn't seem like enough. is it really just a minor (!!?) injury? or are they slacking on treatment becos she's old and maybe anticipate that something will happen (like she'll die)?
and what has me awake at 5 in the morning is that i woke up from a horrible dream. i dreamt of my grandmother, near her hospital bed, crying becos "she kept hearing voices" and knew the end was near. what woke me up was hearing a phone ring at quarter to 5 in the morning. i am praying that it is residual pregnancy hormones giving me this awful dream. i almost afraid for the next couple of hours (until after 8) when the boy is off to school, becos if anything did happen to my grandmother, i cannot believe mom would call me before sending the boy to school. plus she is leaving early this morning to go back to the hospital and she is dropping some stuff off. this should be around 7.
i think i have mentioned in previous posts what a stubborn woman my grandmother is. it's hereditary as mom, myself and hopefully the pixie are just as stubborn. after grams fell, she managed to call mom and dad (fortunately there is a phone in the bedroom). since her knee still felt weak, she half crawled to the attic where she got pap's cane. she then managed to get out to the breezeway (which is at the other end of the house) to unlock the door to let the garage door guy in becos the garage door was broken. the guy arrives, offered to take grams to the hospital, and GRAMS REFUSES. she sits in the breezeway waiting for mom and waiting for the door guy to fix the door. apparently he was gone before mom and dad got there. can you believe that? instead of calling an ambulance or my aunt or cousin or myriad of other relatives that live nearby, grams waited in pain for my parents to come, only to be shipped to the hospital in an ambulance anyway!
like i told mom and hubby, i really hope this clips gram's mowing wings. she is 85 years old and INSISTS on mowing her own grass. and it's not a small patch of grass. it is a very large yard ( actually two, a front and a back). she does this all by hand (the yard is big enough for a riding mower but she has no room to store one). it scares the shit out of me becos i am always afraid that some day we'll get a call from her neighbors saying they found her dead pushing her mower. maybe this ends the mowing debate.
oh, the boy had a great day at school! he got on the bus just fine and came home all excited. apparently that was the highlight of his day - riding the bus! we tried to ask him questions about his day - who did he meet, what was his classes like, and he was too jazzed up to really tell us. he was really wound when he came home. hubby guessed it was from sitting for nearly 6 hours, trying to be good. he was also hungry - his fault for not eating the lunch i sent! i gave him his school cone (which prolly jazzed him up worse), which had school supplies, markers, pencils, a stapler and tape (so he's not stealing mine!), hershey kisses and starbursts. while at the grocery store i got him a general grevous figure, and i also got a jawa which i planned to give for his birthday but he found them both. he is obsessed with star wars right now and it seemed like the perfect goodie for him. he then proceeded to beat on the cone, which i grumped him - it needs to last him the next few years (or until he complains about it). we got him to bed by 8, fell asleep shortly thereafter. we wanted to start bedding him early for the past few weeks but the babies' schedules kinda blew that off course. waking him up is just as interesting. he was used to sleeping in (his old school didn't start until 9) so he's in for a rude awakening for the next few weeks. he'll adjust. we all will.
did i cry when he went off to school? i welled up, but was too busy trying to take pictures of him getting on the bus. and i had a big cry the night before in the shower (showers and baths are great for this). hubby was really worried. i think he worries that i could have PPD. i hope it's too early to have that. i don't feel depressed. i feel overwhelmed at caring for 2 babies at the same time (and even more so if mom has to care for grams and is unable to help out like she planned). it's bittersweet that the boy is off to school - obviously i'm happy that he's in school, but also a bit sad that he is growing up and doesn't need me as much as he used to. but that's life. nothing else to do but deal.
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