linky do's!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

playing the twins card

this week i did something that i rarely do.  i played the twins card.

what's that you ask?  basically, i used my kids as an obnoxious form to one-up another mom.

a mom in an online group expressed her frustration with dealing with her child.  her child is a bit older than the kiddos, but they're basically the same age.  the kidlet was being a typical toddler and pushing her momma's buttons like crazy.  i knew how that mom was feeling.  the kiddos are learning new ways to annoy me, even more so than the boy ever did.

other moms chimed in, saying that the child was a typical toddler, the behaviors were normal, it was normal to feel frustrated and resentful.  the more comments i read, the madder i got.

i shouldn't have felt so mad.  i was a mom on a singleton, once upon a time, and i remember how frustrated i felt with the boy.  i remember how i felt like the worst mommy in the world for yelling at him, even though he didn't understand what he was doing and probably wondered why mommy was screaming at him like a lunatic.  i do the same thing with the kiddos too.  i'm sure "mean mommy" looks pretty scary, and i try really really hard to take a breath and remember patience.

on the other hand, i couldn't help but think, this woman is complaining about her singleton.  try chasing two kiddos - what one doesn't think of, the other one does.  ever pull one kid away from the stereo while the other is throwing napkin rings out of the china cupboard drawer.  i wish i had a clone who could help me when that happens.  or dragging the kiddos away from the front door, becos freddie is trying to close the door on petunia.  and don't even go there about toys.  i'm about to chop a hole in the floor to sweep the toys in, becos some days i can't stomach to sort them and put them away.  becos i have twice the kiddos, i have twice the toys.  and lego.  lord do i loathe the big kid's legos somedays.  especially when the kiddos find one of his creations placed precariously on the edge of the dining table.  and how horrible is it that i took away the kiddos duplo blocks for the time being, becos i was tired of finding them scattered between the two rooms.  (maybe that's becos i'm an anal retentive freak).  and books.  board books, captain underpant books.  foam books.  it's enough to drive a reasonable same woman insane.  and this woman is complaining becos her one kid gets into stuff. 

the situation reminds me of one of my favorite pieces of flair (yes, i play pieces of flair on facebook.  i could care less about people's farms or zoos, but i love my flair):

image courtesy of                                       

after much deliberation, i chimed into the conversation, and posted that i understood how she felt, that this age in toddlerdom sucked, and how frustrated i felt when chasing the kiddos and how frustrating it was when the big kid stirred them up worse.  i added (as i am a wise old mother with big kid experience) that this phase will end and they get easier to take care of, eventually.  after i posted, i regretted what i said.  i could have deleted it, but not before many other moms read my words.

i told hubby and another friend how guilty i felt about using the twins card.  it's never cool to one-up another mom just becos i have twins.  hubby commented that i was being honest, and in all honesty, taking care of two toddlers is harder than taking care of a singleton.  he added that i wasn't showing off, becos this is my experience, taking care of twins.  everything's relative.  right?

i still felt bad, but apparently the comment passed, no one commented negatively on it, or ripped me a new one for being insensitive.  there are a few moms in that group with twins too, so i hope they have my back in this case.

i learned a lesson out of this.  i waited nearly a day to comment on the situation.  it gave me time to think about how i could show my support and share my experience.  normally i'm a react first/think later sort of person, and i'm sure if i posted first and thought later, my comment would have been less than graceful.  i also learned, that in a group where i am peripherally active, that sometimes it's best i keep my mouth shut anyway.

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