linky do's!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

gimme a break!

having a snow/ice storm every other day really does mess with a schedule.  and when your schedule is out of step, it seems like the little things get mucked up too.  to wit:

i made crayons for the boy's valentines.  i'm not happy with them.

i got half a dozen boxes of crayons at walmart at the start of the school year, becos they were 25 cents a box.  i thought, can't beat that for making crayons!  cheap!  big mistake.  first off, the labels were tough to peel off.  apparently the crayon makers now glue the labels to the crayons.  why would you do that?  the label should be easy to peel when you need to sharpen it (or in my case, strip them to smash to bits).

then i wanted metallic and fluorescent crayons which the little boxes didn't have.  so monday night, before the big storm hit, i ran to michael's and target for these crayons.  they didn't have them, making the trip a big waste (well, maybe not a big waste.  i got a new blender and food for souper bowl sunday at my church.  not diapers, bread or milk like a normal person before a storm).

when i melted the crayons, they stuck to the molds and they got funny "colorless" rings at the top, like the wax was cheap and separated.  maybe that's why the crayons were so cheap.

next year, i'll bite the bullet and just buy two boxes of the 96 crayons.  they had the metallic and fluorescent crayons in them.

speaking of the blender, i bought a new one becos i was on a smoothie kick and our old one didn't have the horse power to make a decent one.  so i bought a nice blender at target, on sale.  i was so excited.

on wednesday i went to make a raspberry/banana/peanut butter and honey smoothie.  i went to detach the pitcher from the base when this happened:

dear bob, what a bloody mess.  nevertheless, i lost my smoothie jones.  guess next time i should read the instruction manual before i use a new appliance.

wednesdays are my "day's out" - when i swim, shop and run errands while mom watches the kiddos.  i missed last week becos mom was sick, and dad watched the kids when i took the boy to the doctor.  i had an abbreviated one the week before that allowed me time to swim and get groceries.  the week before that...i can't remember the last time i had a "leisurely" day out.

i was supposed to have bloodwork done on wednesday but rescheduled it to thursday becos of the storm.  i assumed that when mom and dad came over thursday to watch the kids that i'd get my delayed day too. they assumed otherwise - they thought they were coming over just long enough for me to go to the doctor.

i had the day planned out - michael's for more valentines for the boy (becos i thought a 24 pack meant "24 cards/envelopes" not "12 cards/12 envelopes"), a floor cushion for the kiddos, some groceries and, a treat for me, a movie.  i never go to the movies by myself.  with hubby, or with the boy as a family, but never alone.  i had a bad case of cabin fever and thought getting out to see a movie would help.

hearing that mom and dad wouldn't stay long made my heart drop to my feet.  3 weeks with no "me" time.  as i said "no, that's okay" (hubby's cue that "no, things aren't okay") i ducked into the kitchen to make the kids waffles and felt the tears well in my eyes.  mom said something else, and i must have sounded like i was about to cry (as i was) when mom quickly said "oh, i'll stay, i just thought that since hubby was home for the past two days helping with the kids you didn't need us".

begin rant

when you're a SAHM, you are with your kids pretty much 24/7.  even when they sleep, you're on call for when they cry out, need a diaper change, or sick.  day in, day out, your life is your children.  you can vary your schedule by taking the kids on play dates, or to the library, or outings.  with toddler twins, this is hard.  throw in crap weather and you're banking on being housebound for quite a while.  take a walk?  sure, but it's cold out, and the streets and walks aren't always clean enough for a stroller.  go somewhere?  sure, that works when the roads are great, it's not cold and the places you want to go are "double stroller".

i shouldn't complain, becos there are moms/parents out there who have it a hell of a lot worse than i do.  single parents, widowed parents, parents with supermultiples.  i am grateful for this life.  but it doesn't mean i couldn't use a break for a while.

that's why my wednesdays/mom's day outs mean a lot to me.  outside of an hour of sunday school and maybe an hour of SnB a week, the kiddos are under my constant care.  sure, i'm not double nursing them and they're growing more independent, but they fight, they explore, and no matter how much i child proof a room, they still find something they shouldn't.

the past two weeks i haven't had a MDO, either becos mom was sick or becos of this wretched weather.  being housebound with two toddlers who pick and fight with each other - it's overwhelming.  exhausting.  mind numbing.

i don't spend my MDOs doing luxurious things.  i don't get mani/pedi's, get my hair done or go get a massage.  i buy groceries.  i occasionally do a target run.  i swim.  pretty boring basic things.  but it gets me out and makes me feel like a relatively normal human being.

i know i should have gone swimming this week.  i hadn't gone in two weeks and my body needs the exercise.  but i felt like going to a movie.  doing something mindless.  i don't ask for much in life.  but this i wanted to do.

so excuse me while i sob, watching my day off evaporate into a wishful mist.  but this cabin fever is driving me insane.

and no, just becos hubby is home to help with the kids, doesn't give me a break.  or him for that matter.  i can still hear them when i take a nap, or a bath.  and it makes me feel guilty.

end rant

i cried going to the doctor.  if the lab tech doesn't stick a note in my file stating that "patient arrived at appointment appearing distressed", i'll be lucky.

i cried driving over to michaels.  i was hungry (since i fasted for over 12 hours) and knew i had to eat, but i didn't want fast food.  as i drove past bob evans, i remembered that i had commented to hubby that we hadn't eaten there in ages, and i decided that i'd have a decent breakfast for once.  it felt good to sit down and actually eat a meal, but i still felt guilty.

my errands took me to michaels, target, heimbachs and the grocery store.  i drove the back roads in the country to get to where i needed to be.  along the way i discovered a dam behind the market place.  i found beautiful homes.  churches that i didn't know existed.  i felt calmer, and the guilt started to melt away.

i went to the movies and knitted.  it felt great to lose myself in a story for a couple hours.

i returned home with groceries, a pillow for the kids, and more valentines for the boy.  and i felt refreshed.

mom and dad were matter of fact about the situation.  perhaps, after a bit of thought, they realized how frazzled i felt.

a note to those who know parents of multiples, especially SAHMs - give them a break.  really, a break.  just becos we are home all day, "doing nothing', doesn't mean we can't use a few hours to ourselves every so often.    

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