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Saturday, May 14, 2011

a mine field of a different sort

this post was written a few days ago, during blogger's breakdown.  there were a few lovely comments written that unfortunately were eaten by the breakdown.  to karen and fugzilla, i thank you! :)

i recently attended my cousin's baby shower.  this is the cousin for whom i've been knitting away, with little caps, the baby sweater, and the log cabin blanket.  unfortunately, the blanket was still far away from completion, but i was glad that i had my other goodies to give her.

i'd been feeling apprehensive about this shower.  i'm sure you're aware of my losses and struggles to conceive my children.  showers are a bit of a mine field for me.  i attended a shower after my first loss, for hubby's bf and girlfriend.  i wanted to climb the walls at the shower, then spent the drive home sobbing becos of our loss and struggle TTC.  my family attending the shower seemingly have no trouble getting pregnant.  lots of "oopsies".  my cousin and i unfortunately didn't fall into that category.

when i was pregnant with the twins and told that side that we were expecting, we'd learned that **3** of my second cousins were expecting (all oopsies) at the same time.  one cousin was in jail/probation/somewhere entangled in the law.  another cousin didn't know who the father was (!!!).  the other cousin was okay (he's not a blood relative.  that explains it all).  i'd been anticipating being the lone preggo in my family, and i'll admit that it hurt that i wasn't.  one cousin had his baby a few weeks before the kiddos and gave the child a name that made names from lord of the rings very simple and plain (i googled.  they don't exist).  that child is under the custody of the (maternal) grandmother.  the normal cousin had his baby (can't recall the name, but it was probably a simple/trendy type name).  my other cousin gave birth a couple weeks after the kiddos.  she no longer has custody of her baby either.  

(yes.  now you know why i'm sensitive.  judgmental maybe.  *sigh*  it is what it is.)

so anyway, i found out that the party was a hen shower, no guys.  this freaked me out, becos i anticipated going to the shower, dropping off the gift, socialize a little then leave.  so my mom, my grams and i toted the kiddos along with a case of huggies, a case of huggies wipes, and my little gift bag of goodies.  (the boy stayed home with my dad.  i didn't want to deal with his shenanigans if i was going to have a nervous breakdown.)

the shower was at a church.  we were relegated to a center table with my cousin's hubby's aunt, neighbor and godmother.  the gifts were piled in a corner, unwrapped. (yes, at my cousin's request, so she didn't have to spend time unwrapping them and more time socializing.  is this a new thing?)

another cousin was there with her 4 day old baby (oopsie).  i felt the panic welling. the kiddos were restless (they missed their morning nap) and grams offered to take them for a walk.  when she returned the kids had fallen asleep but petunia jarred awake.  my aunt and uncle showed me the nursery where other little cousins were hanging out.  when my uncle introduced petunia to my cousins one said (spoken with a snotty valley girl inflection): "petunia?  we didn't know there was a petunia in the family".  i guess my cousin neglected to share the birth announcements and christmas cards with the rest of the family.  the little cousin younger than the kiddos was there, and she clung to my aunt's legs and was very withdrawn.  it's so hard to think that a pair of cousins the same age are so different.  i wound up pulling petunia out of the nursery when i discovered that the big cousins were paying more attention to the chalk board than my kid.

there were lots of goodies to nosh on but i had no appetite (between the pizza we had for lunch and nerves).  i had the most delish hull-less popcorn drizzled with white chocolate - perfect marriage of sweet and salty!   i picked at veggies and pickles and drank tons of water.  

my cousin showed off her gifts - mostly things from their bRu registry, but there were a few home made gifts.  she received a couple of quilts, including one with the most beautiful cross-stitch of the good night prayer.  she received a few knitted or crocheted blankets.  i thought one blanket was a nursing shawl but i think it was a baby blanket becos it was holey.  my cousin liked the hats and the sweater - i was pleased to see no one else made her a sweater.  the others aww'd over them too (can't beat handmade!)  i think she also liked the cloth curious george book (from the boy) and sophie the giraffe (from the kiddos).  i also threw in the organic rubber teething rings i'd gotten for the kiddos -i'd squirreled away and when they resurfaced they were too old to use them.  

i didn't get to talk to my cousin much - she was busy chatting with her work friends and other family.  my cousin from "the office" city stopped by to coo over the sweater i'd made and suggested that if i made things like that they would sell out in no time flat in her town.  considering i'm having enough trouble maintaining mojo for the blanket and my shawls and my socks, i don't see this happening. (altho i found an awesome yarn shop up there - i would love to visit it some day!)

2 hours of games, food and chatting with the lovely ladies at our table (the new dad's godmother was the one who made the lacy blanket - i enjoyed talking yarn shop with her!) and we were home.  most importantly, i survived.  

outside of my SIL, when she gets pregnant, i think my baby shower days are blissfully in the past.  i think i'll have an easier time with her shower.  hubby's side of the family is familiar with pregnancy loss and difficulties conceiving.  i guess difficulty loves company.  

and the baby blanket?  i think i'm 6 strips away from finishing it.  

here's hoping i complete it before the baby's born!


  1. First of all, the baby blanket is gorgeous. Second of all, I'm sorry to hear about your pregnancies, and having to attend the baby shower. I'm in a similar situation... My sister is due on June 2nd, and my other sister suggested that we throw her a shower -- so, this Sunday is her shower. The thing is, though, I had found out I was pregnant about a month before my sister found out she was pregnant. That was the second pregnancy I lost in 2010. Now, here I am -- I should have a newborn baby, and instead, I'm throwing a baby shower. It is hard, but at the same time, I am happy for my sister. Sorry for the long back-story, but I said all of that to let you know that you are not alone, and I don't think you are judgmental, at all. It is hard losing a baby. Hang in there.

  2. The blanket is beautiful. Are you sure you want to give it away???
    My grandmother lost her first baby at birth so that side of the family never has showers before a baby is born. I didn't have one at all with either of my kids. It didn't seem worth the hassle.

  3. @Karen - I don't mind giving it. I made the same blankets for my Kiddos (draped not 3 feet away from me)! :) It's really an awesome blanket!

    @fugzilla - i'm sorry you've been struggling too. I can imagine how you felt planning a shower yet mourning your loss. The balance is tricky, isn't it? Thank you for sharing - it's good to know we're not alone.

  4. I saw your reply, but Blogger was having issues, and I couldn't reply. Hope you're doing okay. Hang in there. :-)


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