Everyone else is doing it, why can’t I?

Oh, hi. Long time no write.

This year for Lent I decided to give up social media, primarily Facebook and Twitter. I’ve noticed that after being on both platforms, I always felt like crap. Politics depresses me; so much clickbait on FB (my fault for liking so many things) and all the “I’m on vacation! My kid did this! I’m awesome!”  posts made me feel worse about myself as a parent and a person. So. I decided to step away for 40 days and use the time for other things. Knitting. Reading. Cleaning the house and Kon Mari-ing (cringing as I write that last one). So far I’ve been FB and Twitter free for 4 days, and I’m doing ok. Lots of people don’t do social media, so I should be ok.

A lot has happened since I’ve written here. Some good stuff. Some really good stuff. Some crappy stuff. Some unbelievably awful stuff. Since I used FB and Twitter as places to vent, I thought I’d zombify my blog and start writing again. 

Hai.

It's been a long time since I've written here, and I thought maybe writing would help me work out some things that have been on my mind. 

A lot of things have happened in the past 18 months. Firstly, the kiddos started school full time and currently are in the first grade. Freddie enjoys school and does pretty well. Petunia is struggling. She's a whiz at math but has a hard time with reading. It's hard for me to watch her struggle as I've always loved reading and am a huge bookworm. Both she and Freddie are getting extra help for it but I hate to see her struggle. 

The Boy is in sixth grade and preparing for junior high next year. He's learning to play the drums and recently started phase 2 of his braces. He's a great kid, doing really well in his classes. He has his moments but he is almost a teenager so it's normal. 

Hubby is hubby, still working for the Man and bringing home the bacon. He lost over 50 pounds over the past year by walking 10,000 steps a day and eating a very low carb/high protein diet. His blood sugars dropped nearly 100 points  and his cholesterol improved. I'm so proud that he is paying attention to staying healthy. 

Then there's me. Health wise nothing's new - my diabetes is controlled although it could be much better. Hubby has taken over cooking duties of late to accommodate his diet and my eating habits have improved as a result. I still love my pasta but I don't eat it as often. Some foods turn me right off! I still go to the gym, not as often as I'd like, but I still do the weight machines and added the recumbent bike to my workout. I went down a pant size! The weight loss is slow and hard for me as PCOS makes things a challenge but I am trying to be mindful and listen to my body to figure out its needs. 

A broken toe (plus surgery for it), a uterine ablation and a badly sprained ankle didn't help with my gym goals. Coupled with crap sleep and over active brain weasels some days are an effort to have any spoons.  

I hadn't been knitting for a while. I often went to knit night with little progress from one week to the next. Last year I completed 12 projects, a disappointment for me as I had so many things to knit and no spoons to complete them. I made a goal for this year to knit every day, even if it was only a couple of rows, and to complete at least one project a month. So far I made a hat and a pair of mitts in January, no projects for February but I'll be finishing a shawl this weekend (hopefully!) and am well through another shawl project and a cowl. I participated in a MKAL which helped as it gave me goals to knit each week. Hopefully this means I have my knitting mojo back!

Of course with the good days there are bad days. My SiL is getting divorced. The situation blindsided all of us (SiL included). 

Lastly, my FiL died suddenly after thanksgiving. He had a cardiac event while he was driving home from a meeting. Thankfully no one else was injured. I am still trying to process his passing. Most days I'm ok until something reminds me that he is gone.  I think deep down I am depressed as I spend most of my days sleeping, watching crap tv or playing solitaire on my iPad. Some days it is an effort to get up. This was another reason I wanted to get back to knitting as I needed something g to soothe my broken heart. 

I worry about hubby as he has taken over as the male head of the family. He helps his mom a lot and I know he worries a lot about his sister, the kids and me.  I worry that the extra stress will hurt him. But I cannot allow the worries and what-ifs take over my thoughts so I support him the best that I can. And I pray that our family will find peace and strength.

Pieces of me

Ever feel like you're being pulled into a million pieces by kids...husband...parents...friends...church...life itself?  

I think even my soul is shredded. 

Sitting on my porch, listening to the rain, trying hard not to cry for the third time in less than two hours. It's hard to be alone when everyone wants a piece of you. On the other hand, it's funny how, despite being surrounded by people, how alone you can feel. 

Enjoy this picture of my soon-to-be competed sockhead hat while I try to muster up some spoons for tomorrow. 

This is what 40 looks like

Also, this

I finally feel my age. I've been 40 for too darn long. 

All the colors

Belated old post...enjoy!

I knitted this hat a couple weeks before the ravellenics. It doesn't count, of course, but I wanted something colorful to wear during the games.

Giving Putin some RBF...

This was knit with yarn from a hat I frogged a while back becos it was shapeless and big. The yarn is steam valley yarns in a silk blend - I loved knitting with this!  

***

The ravellenics are finished for another year. While I didn't quite finish my socks or sweater, I did frog several stagnant projects. 

Warts and all

There are many parent blogs that have "day in the life" memes. Once a week or month, the author shares a written snapshot of their day. Some bloggers appear to live Martha Stewart/Pinterest lives, while others offer up chaotic days. I'd like to think that my ramblings are a blend of the two;  my family is not perfect, but it's not a helter-skelter household either. 

To be honest, it's the "perfect" blogs that get me down. Posts that show homes decorated meticulously for the season and moms with gaggles of kids who crank out the knit goods - they seem too good to be true. Perhaps they are - maybe they have life figured out. Maybe they have something to prove. Maybe their lives are as crazy as mine and they hide behind a facade. 

I'm a "warts and all" person. While some things aren't public domain, I have nothing to hide. Over the years I've written about things many might find uncomfortable - my miscarriages, my twins pregnancy, my chronic health issues, my questions about faith. I write to get stuff out of my system - a mental purge if you will. It's daunting putting my thoughts out there, but I often feel better becos of it. 

I'm thinking about publishing a series of post about midlife on my blog. I turned 40 this year, and as I explained to hubby, it feels like a switch clicked in my mind about life. Things that used to be a Big Deal aren't anymore, while new, different things are worming their way into my conscience. Doubtful anyone cares about the way a middle aged lady thinks anymore, but there it is. 

Patterns

I am knitting a pair of socks. I am using nancy bush's gentleman socks in the ringwood pattern. Grumperina knitted socks in that pattern, and i thought I'd make my next pair with it as well. I was delighted to find that I actually HAD the pattern, in a book that I bought years ago but never used. 

It has been ages since I knitted from a book pattern, as the majority of my recent projects are from online sources. Many patterns are stored in my iBooks, and hubby found an app for me that allows me to mark off charts on my iPad. 

This got me thinking about how I obtain my patterns and it made me realize that I use more online patterns, and that it's been a long time since I purchase an actual pattern book. I looked at my rav stats and the numbers made me gasp:

I have 2253 patterns in my ravelry library. This includes pattern books I entered over the years plus online patterns I have purchased or gotten for free. 

I "faved" 4008 patterns. This includes both purchased, free and "I like it just 'cos" patterns. 

316 patterns are in my queue. My queued patterns started as a tickler file for projects I wanted to do, but a few months ago I cleaned it up and made it a "wish list" file for paid patterns that I liked. This is also the "gift" list, that if someone wanted to gift me a pattern, this would be the list to look at first. The list initially had absolute favorite patterns at the top but as I've added more patterns and the list grew, it became difficult to pick an absolute favorite.

I follow a few threads where ravelers post both free and paid patterns that become free with a code word.  The pattern section also has a highlight section that recommends newly released patterns that may be of interest. So, if you like knitting cowls or fancy stranded colorwork, the highlights will recommend patterns that feature your interests. I have found many beautiful patterns this way as well. Now wonder my queue and favorites is so big!

So, patterns. Lately I use my iPad for storing patterns. Another friend also uses her iPad for reading patterns, although many of hers are screen shots she takes of them. My other friends have paper patterns, which they store in plastic sheets in big binders. I used to store my patterns like that too, until I outgrew the binder and went to envelope pouches. I also outgrew those. Someday I should scan the patterns onto my computer so I have backups, can view the pattern online via Dropbox, and put the paper patterns in storage. What a day that will be!  I have a ton of patterns!

Ever buy a book of patterns where you only wanted or liked a couple of patterns?  By purchasing patterns online, sometimes I'm able to buy the pattern I like.  I realize that buying the book is much cheaper than buying a la carte, but I'd rather save space than spend money for a bunch of patterns I really didn't want. 

I'm quickly becoming a nail in the book and publishing coffin as I move to online books and publishing. We canceled our newspaper last month, and I now read it online. Lately I've been buying more books for my kindle as my bookshelves are stuffed. I also like how light my bag feels as I'm not hauling a bunch of books on trips. I told hubby that as magazine subscriptions become due, I'll choose to either go online or cancel outright. It saddens me to do this, the bookworm who loves the smell of books and feel of paper between my fingertips. Saving money and also space and time are behind many of these decisions. 

Do you prefer reading patterns from books or your reading device?