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Sunday, April 8, 2012

moving on

today we are going to a new church for easter.  it feels weird to "church shop".

when hubby and i first got married, his aunt (also a lutheran minister) gently suggested that maybe we should think about going to a church separate from our dads'.  by doing that, we'd be "k1k2 and hubby" and not "the pastor's kids".  at the time hubby and i alternated weeks at each other's church.  neither of us wanted to hurt our dads' feelings.  the arrangement worked until we had the boy.  then we had to plan ahead and get creative in juggling sunday school and church activities.  five years ago my FIL retired and we went to my church full time, knowing that my dad wouldn't retire for several more years.

i loved my church.  it has good opportunities for young people with sunday school and youth group.  i loved my sunday school class.  i've always had good sunday school teachers who actually teach bible lessons.  not many churches in the area have programs like that.  i guess that fact is a complement to my dad.

last week we went to the palm sunday service at my old church becos the boy's choir sang.  it felt weird to see someone else in my dad's pulpit.  i think i'll always be a judgy mcjudgepants towards other pastors - i've been  this for years.  not many people talked to us.  that made me sad.  why should i stick around in a church where people can't be bothered to even acknowledge you?

i'm ready to move on.  i'm tired of being "the pastor's daughter".  i want to be able to sit on a church counsel some day.  i won't be able to do that fairly at my church.  maybe someday i'll be in a choir where i'm the soprano that i am and not an alto by proxy.   i want my family to sit in church and not feel like a three ring circus.  i'd like to actually SIT with my parents and in-laws in church and be parishioners and not have one in charge of a service.

we attended maundy thursday and tenebrae services at my IL's church.  while i know the pastor and feel pretty comfortable with him (he knows our dads and preaches similarly) it still felt really weird.  my impression of going to a new church - it must be what it feels like to date or have sex after a divorce or a death.  it felt very awkward and even sad.  i wanted to cry during the thursday night service, and apparently my nerves were shredded becos i got hives on my hands and arms.  i hope once the initial awkwardness is over, i can start feeling comfortable.

this is an interesting part of my faith journey, one that i've never been on before.  please pray for us to find a good church home.

this post was written ahead of time.  yesterday we took the kids to my church's egg hunt.  

there was so much talk about "helping us feel comfortable" after my parents left.  a need to "make us feel welcome".  well, i guess talk is cheap, becos i never felt so damn unwelcome in my life.  

i'm pissed.  not one soul spoke to us at the egg hunt.  not one person said hello.  not one person asked how my parents were.  honestly, i don't think anyone even looked at us.  oh, a friend of my folks' came over and said hello, but their adult child couldn't be bothered to do the same.  i had to put up with teenaged angst bullshit in high school; i never expected to deal with the same crap in church.  i guess that's how some people roll.  sad.

and to those who snubbed us - a pox on you.  i know who you are and where you come from.  you needn't act like so bloody superior; in fact you are no better that me, hubby or my kids.  you're the reason i never want to go back to my church.  as far as i'm concerned.  you can suck my left nut and piss off.

yeah, to those who want us to stay at my church:  don't count on it.  if you need a reason why, just read between the lines.

my apologies for writing an incredibly passive aggressive post, but i feel hurt and a little betrayed.

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