hard stuff

first off, pretty WIP shot!  that's winchester, a pattern and yarn that i got at KDO this year.

now for the hard stuff.

i am struggling with some serious health issues.  i'm exhausted from lack of sleep and from constant pain from my PN.  it's hard to chase after kiddos when my feet are hypersensitive and hurt and my ankles throb.  at least my sugars are improving.  and i've lost enough weight that i can pull my jeans and khakis down without unsnapping and unzipping them.

i'm dealing with some faith issues.  i still believe in God - always have, always will - but some days i don't believe in my Lutheran faith anymore.  or in Christians, for that matter.  this is so hard for me.  i count on my faith to help me through hard things, and it really sucks when the faith (and the people) you count on...aren't there anymore.  and no longer care about you either.

lastly.  maybe it's becos of the election.  perhaps it's the economy.  a lot of it is societal.  i'm fatigued (and not in a physical sense).  i have no faith in the government anymore.  society has me going O.o on a daily basis.  i guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm tired of other people's crap affecting my life.  and the fact that common sense and decency is nearly non-existent these days.  

all of this hard stuff has taken its toll on my blog (and my knitting which is coming back in spurts).  hence, the radio silence.  i toyed with shuttering my blog, but i was reluctant to do that becos i like to write about my knitting and my kids' milestones.  i also read an article recently that journaling/blogging is good for airing out issues.  i'm sure my "hard" posts are unpopular and difficult to read, but for me, it feels good getting it out of my system.  

for now, i think i'll blog when the spirit moves me (or i complete a project, or the kids do something exceptional).  no stress of ohmygoshwhatamigratefulforthisweek or whatismymomentthisweek or iamtiredoflookingatthatoldpost.  this is my space and i can write whenever i want to.  in the meantime i am working on my health issues.  and praying a lot.  

thanks for listening.