i can't sleep

What do you do to make yourself fall asleep at night?


after we put the kids to bed (around 8, earlier for the kiddos), hubby and i try to wind down for the evening.  


some evenings both of our noses are stuck in our macbooks.  i do find that the light from my laptop and even my iphone mess with my circadian rhythm, so i try not to do it much.


often you will find me curled up on the love seat, either knitting away or reading.  we watch tv, usually stuff i DVR.  


some nights, when the clutter gets to me, i start cleaning.  it's tough to clean when the kiddos are up and getting into things.  


evenings are more fun now that the kids aren't up and crying for milk or messy diapers.


i really have to watch my intake of caffeine during the day.  if i drink too much soda, i can't sleep.


sometimes when i can't sleep, i do yoga breathing and scanning to fall asleep.  usually it works.

a good night's sleep

last night was the best sleep i've had in days. either i was so tired my body gave in or maybe the worst is over for me for the time being. i fell asleep before the end of 20/20, woke up around midnight and had some conversation with hubby about the show (we recorded it for the healthcare segment) then woke up around 2. moved to the recliner, fell back to sleep listening to fox news, woke up around 4-5 and went back to the sofa, then slept until after 7. peed a couple times in there, was so groggy i really don't remember how many times!

dreamt that my old boss threw a baby shower for me. actually i went to her office to tell her about the babies, and as usual she was a complete bitch to me. i dreamt in the afternoon about my boss and the shower and the fact that i was supposed to interview someone but couldn't remember what questions i had to ask and i had nothing to right down answers except a grotty piece of paper and a big blue crayon. it's weird i dreamt about this person, haven't talked to them in over 6 years.

MIL made out okay with her surgery. it was pushed back to 10 instead of 8, and the procedure didn't start until after noon. nurses spent over an hour trying to find vessels for her IV and lines and the doctor wound up giving her a central line. not only that but they intubated her WHILE SHE WAS AWAKE. i pray she doesn't have to endure any more surgeries since this one seemed to be incredibly hellacious. by the time hubby came home she was groggy but alert, and was offered soup, a sandwich and some sherbet, which she picked at. SIL called around 7 (?) and said she was resting and doing well. haven't heard anything this morning, but hopefully she comes home sometime today. i marvel the fact that this surgery is considered minor, basically one day surgery. i always looked at a mastectomy as something major, like heart surgery. i imagine having a breast removed would be as traumatic as losing a hand - that's a significant body part being removed.

the new treatment plan seems to be that she'll have 6 chemo treatments (instead of 4, hopefully more treatment decreases the chances of recurrence) and radiation (no seeds, i have no idear how they do this unless they give the entire breast area a shot of radiation). hopefully by christmas, she will be considered cancer free.

mom and dad have the boy for the day, they went up to gram's for a visit. i get to watch my invasion marathon today and hopefully clean off the dvr! they are keeping him overnight for church tomorrow. i think that's the last thing i hate to give up - missing church. i thought i could go for an hour but mom and dad thought it best i stay home and stay still. hubby has some grocery shopping for me and tidying up the garage. he'll also see his mom this afternoon, hopefully.

day 2 of the new laptop and can i say how great and fast it is??! my websites pop up automatically, email doesn't sit and spin, and it doesn't take 2 minutes to sync up my touch. we hated to get a new laptop but with the old computer so precarious, we were afraid of losing our music and picture libraries (and my resume). we have everything backed up on an external hard drive, but still, don't want to take chances.

time to watch dead like me.

suffocation

i got a total of 2 hours of sleep last night. woke up around 1:30 in the morning feeling like i was suffocating. the same thing happened a few weeks ago, but back then i blamed myself becos i'd eaten a huge hoagie the night before. not only did i not have a big meal last night, but maybe my sinuses were a bit stuffy too cos i didn't take my allergy meds the day before. i tried to not have another panic attack, watched tv, downloaded some solitaire games, tried to get sleepy again. but every time i'd fall asleep, i doze for 15 minutes then jerk awake. i can't imagine what it feels like for someone with a breathing disorder. this has been scaring the shit out of me. not being able to breathe or sleep for the next 10 weeks.

i caught up some this afternoon. maybe slept 2-3 hours. but i pray this doesn't happen every night. i don't know where else to sleep. can't sleep in bed (snore, can't breathe). can't sleep in the recliner (snore, apnea). i've been on the sofa since january and i sleep on my side, but i'm just so damn uncomfortable.

right now i'm 26 weeks. i have at least 10 more weeks of this. how am i going to make it? i was never this scared with the boy. this scares me worse than the threat of miscarriage. i barely eat, i hurt like hell, can barely breathe. i'm trying to stay positive but for days like this, it's really really hard.

bored and crampy

it's memorial day, and i'm spending it laying on the sofa watching a vintage "land of the lost" marathon. i haven't felt well all day - really tired, cramping off and on.

this morning i moved the boy's clothes over to his new room and culled out the clothes he outgrew. it didn't take very long, and hubby helped move the drawers back and forth. but i lost a lot of steam doing that. also did some wash (hubby helped swap loads). ran to Kmart to get more bins and a shelf unit for the boy's new toy closet. saw mom and dad there too, mom was returning a shirt she got for the boy that was too big (mislabeled). she got the boy new sheets and towels for his new bed.

saturday hubby painted the spare room. the blue is actually pretty nice, cross between tiffany and robin's egg blue. it took him all day to strip the border, clean the walls, move the furniture and then paint. there's a lot of trim to go around, there are 5 doors, the window and the closet. hubby did a good job on the room, and the boy is excited to move in. next thing we'll do is get his toys moved over. little by little, it's happening.

i had a bad night friday night. i couldn't breathe and couldn't sleep. i'd fall asleep and then wake up unable to breathe. i actually had a panic attack from it. i ate a huge hoagie friday night, which was prolly the reason why i couldn't sleep. guess it's mini meals from now on! i had good sleep the last two nights, but i'm still having trouble sleeping. nature of the beast.