pink post

today is breast cancer awareness day.  today my blog is pink in honor of my MIL, who kicked BC's ass last year!  i'm happy to report that my MIL is currently cancer free, is feeling well, and rocking short silver hair!  i am so proud of her!   

i also had my own breast cancer scare two and a half years ago.  i was referred to the breast center by that bitch CNP the nurse practioner at my ob/gyn, becos she feared that the HS carbuncles on my breast could possibly be cancer.  i remember coming home crying to mom.  the fear of having breast cancer.  i was young, just 34.  i had a little boy.  we'd just been green-lighted to TTC, and now that was possibly on hold.  no woman, young or old, should ever go through this.  

i had an ultrasound, which was clear.   i was still referred for a mammogram, but found out i was pregnant with ani and had to cancel.  to this day, i still blame the stress and fear that i felt at that time for my miscarriage, but i'll never know.  i am absolutely grateful that i was in the clear, but i still fear that someday, i may not be so lucky.  having a daughter, i fear for her as well, and i'll be sure to tell her to do her monthly self check when she is old enough.    

i blogged about my bc scare and those posts are found here, here, here, here, and here.  you can also click on the labels i've noted below, for posts regarding to my MIL and her recovery and "the pink glove dance".

friday soup

i had sunday scrapple. now it's soup friday.

yesterday i had another NST and ultrasound. the babies are doing well, very active, and i have adequate amniotic fluid. i hurt like hell, my belly is so misshapen and my "apron" is all stretched out with gigantic white stretch mark worms all over it. i can only imagine what my belly is going to look like after the babies are born. it was flabby before i got pregnant, i have a feeling it's going to look a lot worse. thank goodness for spanx! i gained 10 lbs from last week, but i surmise it's water weight since my left leg is twice the size of my right one, and my foot looks like a club. my joints hurt. i can barely walk. i'm ravenously hungry (i had lomein for the first time in months) . last night i cried in the shower becos i hurt so bad. i know i need to let these babies cook a little longer, at least 2 more weeks, but my body feels unbearable. i am still scared of losing these babies, and with all the pain i have i will seriously be pissed at the universe if anything happens to them. today i have another belly check. if all goes well, i'll schedule another NST and ultrasound, and see my old doc again!



yesterday my MIL had a followup at the cancer doctor. she got a good report, altho they found a couple of "rogue" (my term) cells around the edge of the incision. doc thinks that with chemo and radiation the cells will get wiped out. this is annoying. how can a tiny isolated tumor have spread all over her breast in the matter of 6 weeks? i don't get it. they didn't remove her drainage tube.

the good news is because of the tube, she is staying home from camping next week. my FIL, on the other hand, still plans to go to the campground next week. apparently WV aunt is coming up, for only one day, and my SIL will be up on sunday. FIL wanted to take the boy out the campground, and hubby told him no becos we don't know what's up with the babies, and if i go into labor or have trouble we want him with us.



yesterday at the hospital hubby saw our old neighbors near the nursery. yay for them, they now have another bastard grandchild! hubby barely got to talk to them (i was on my way to ultrasound) so we don't know which boy knocked up someone or where they are living. i told hubby i never saw a family where the boys can't keep their dicks in their pants. they don't have jobs, but apparently their best skill is knocking up baby mamas. oh goodie. another mouth for us to feed! never mind we'll be struggling to feed our own kids. feh.



my mom's cousin got a clean bill of health from her mammo! the 2 spots they found turned out to be fluid filled cysts, and as soon as the doctor aspirated them they burst and drained. i am so glad that at least one woman i know won't have to deal with breast cancer!



guess that's it. i need to get some sleep since my appointment is at 8:30. woke at 2am with cramps, so i peed and guzzled some water. i'm sure i'm dehydrated. i didn't drink much yesterday.

a good night's sleep

last night was the best sleep i've had in days. either i was so tired my body gave in or maybe the worst is over for me for the time being. i fell asleep before the end of 20/20, woke up around midnight and had some conversation with hubby about the show (we recorded it for the healthcare segment) then woke up around 2. moved to the recliner, fell back to sleep listening to fox news, woke up around 4-5 and went back to the sofa, then slept until after 7. peed a couple times in there, was so groggy i really don't remember how many times!

dreamt that my old boss threw a baby shower for me. actually i went to her office to tell her about the babies, and as usual she was a complete bitch to me. i dreamt in the afternoon about my boss and the shower and the fact that i was supposed to interview someone but couldn't remember what questions i had to ask and i had nothing to right down answers except a grotty piece of paper and a big blue crayon. it's weird i dreamt about this person, haven't talked to them in over 6 years.

MIL made out okay with her surgery. it was pushed back to 10 instead of 8, and the procedure didn't start until after noon. nurses spent over an hour trying to find vessels for her IV and lines and the doctor wound up giving her a central line. not only that but they intubated her WHILE SHE WAS AWAKE. i pray she doesn't have to endure any more surgeries since this one seemed to be incredibly hellacious. by the time hubby came home she was groggy but alert, and was offered soup, a sandwich and some sherbet, which she picked at. SIL called around 7 (?) and said she was resting and doing well. haven't heard anything this morning, but hopefully she comes home sometime today. i marvel the fact that this surgery is considered minor, basically one day surgery. i always looked at a mastectomy as something major, like heart surgery. i imagine having a breast removed would be as traumatic as losing a hand - that's a significant body part being removed.

the new treatment plan seems to be that she'll have 6 chemo treatments (instead of 4, hopefully more treatment decreases the chances of recurrence) and radiation (no seeds, i have no idear how they do this unless they give the entire breast area a shot of radiation). hopefully by christmas, she will be considered cancer free.

mom and dad have the boy for the day, they went up to gram's for a visit. i get to watch my invasion marathon today and hopefully clean off the dvr! they are keeping him overnight for church tomorrow. i think that's the last thing i hate to give up - missing church. i thought i could go for an hour but mom and dad thought it best i stay home and stay still. hubby has some grocery shopping for me and tidying up the garage. he'll also see his mom this afternoon, hopefully.

day 2 of the new laptop and can i say how great and fast it is??! my websites pop up automatically, email doesn't sit and spin, and it doesn't take 2 minutes to sync up my touch. we hated to get a new laptop but with the old computer so precarious, we were afraid of losing our music and picture libraries (and my resume). we have everything backed up on an external hard drive, but still, don't want to take chances.

time to watch dead like me.

more bad news on the MIL front

my MIL now needs a mastectomy. while they got the tumor with the 2 lumpectomies, apparently there are some "floaters" in her ducts, and the safest way to eliminate them is by removing the whole breast. i feel so bad for her. she has been through the wringer for the past 2 months, and now this.

3031

haven't blogged for a while so it's time to catch up...

babies are now at 31 weeks. i have a new EDD of august 28. i'm going to ask doc if he'll push me up a week to the end of 36 weeks, becos august 27 is the boy's first day of kindergarten, and i want to be there for him. it's not fair to take away from his special day.

babies are now over 4 pounds a piece. i am now as big as i was when i had the boy. i hurt like hell, can't shit to save my life, and have heartburn 24/7. whenever i go out shopping, i get lightheaded. i'm tired all the time. and i have 6 more weeks of this.

the nursery is now finished. all that's left is the babies. and i don't want them to come until after august 10.

i have terrible cabin fever. i'm too tired to go out. shopping makes me tired. i'm sick of tv, reading, knitting and my ipod. i'm nesting but too tired to do anything.

i'm still not hungry for food. it's an effort to eat. i wish i was like this when i'm not pregnant! i could actually lose weight this way!

MIL's treatment plan has changed. the tumor was actually bigger than expected. she's having surgery this week to have the area "shaved" her chemo and radiation is now dependent on bloodwork.

i've been such a pissy bitch this week. i hate it.

i now know what it means to be so bored i could cry.

even better news

MIL got good news about her tx. turns out her tumor was biological not hormonal. that means she may not have to take traditional chemo treatment. the cancer didn't spread to her lymph nodes. she'll have another procedure where the doc will shave some more tissue around the site. the doc could leave the site alone, as would many doctors, but he's picky and wanted to take some more out as insurance. thank goodness for picky docs! she'll have the procedure in a few weeks. i can't remember offhand if she'll need radiation, it seems to me she will.

i'm so happy for this news. hopefully it means the medicine she'll take won't make her as sick as chemo, and she can keep her hair. hopefully it will mean that she will be able to be with us when the babies are born next month. hopefully it means that she can go camping without being held in exile in the camper.

this is good.

soon to be 29, 7 weeks left

i had another post a few days ago with all sorts of little tidbits, twitter style, but somehow lost everything. i was typing it on my ipod touch. that'll teach me to blog on my pod!

tomorrow is week 29 and i'm 7 weeks away from baby time. this week has sucked. i have massive constipation and the only way i get relief is to literally dig it out with my finger (tmi i know, but what else can i do). i basically decided to hell with carbs, i'm eating raisin bran and fruit and pounding down as much fluid as i can take to get more regular. i hate being constipated. it rarely happens to me, and up until this point i was doing okay with it in my pregnancy. i think it was the combination iron pill/diet change that did it, not to mention 6 pounds of baby in me. it is so alien to me to not be able to go - i'm the girl who can go on command, plus there were days i would go 5 times a day. and big bms at that. today i tried hot water with lemon with my cereal to see if that helps. also used one of the boy's suppositories, left over from when he was potty training a few years ago. if that doesn't work i'm going to have hubby get me some colace. i'm at the end of my rope here. i hate not pooping.

had my 28 week checkup, everything looks good. my urine test this week showed good results so thankful my kidneys are functioning well. doc is pleased with my growth and the babies' development. talked about birthing plans, and i will have a c-section. 36 weeks is when twins are considered full term, but they'd let me go as far as 38 weeks (heaven forbid) and as early as 34 weeks (i guess prior to 34 weeks they'd send me to geisinger where they're more equip for preemies and have the nicu.) my goal is still 36 weeks and i'm trying to keep my eye on the prize despite my discomforts.

this blog has sort of become a virtual on line baby book for rolly and hiccup and i guess it's appropriate to include world events so i can remember what happened while i was pregnant. this month has sucked so far in that respect. there is a lot of turmoil in the middle east and north korea and elsewhere and i pray for some peace with those countries. i complain about how our country is run, but when i see people getting killed for voicing their opinions in iran, i am most grateful that i live in a country where i can have an opinion and not fear someone killing me.

our world lost several influential entertainers this week. ed mcmahon died this week. i guess it wasn't a surprise, he was pretty old and had many health issues. i was too young for the tonight show but i remembered him from star search and blooper shows.

farrah fawcett died from cancer yesterday. while this didn't surprise me either - she'd been suffering from cancer for some time now - but it's still shocking that someone so beautiful dies before their time. she was pretty young - 62 - my dad's age. i remember her from charlie's angels. i suppose i liked her becos of her blond hair (shame on me - i should have liked smart kate jackson instead). but i was pretty little, and i guess blondes attract for that reason.

the most shocking loss of all was the death of michael jackson. he lost a lot of my respect in recent years, becos of the molestation allegations and his bizarre appearance, but i always liked his music. i liked his earlier stuff, the stuff he did as a kid and a young man. i got thriller for my 10th birthday. i always thought it was a shame that he felt he had to change his appearance. he was a cute guy way back in the day. i hated his nose job(s). and he was whiter than me! i always wondered what the african american community thought of his quest to become a white person. it's sad to deny your true self. i hope he's at peace with himself now. i'm sure the last few years of his life weren't very happy.

i've followed the jon and kate plus 8 family for several months now, and i enjoyed watching their show and seeing how they dealt with 8 kids. with twins on the way, this interested me even more. i was sad to learn that they are getting a divorce after 10 years of marriage. i'm sure they had their reasons, and hopefully their lives will be for the better becos of the split, but i feel for the children, and the romantic in me hoped for reconciliation. who knows what will come their way.

my MIL is having her surgery today for the lump in her breast. i pray that it is confined and that no lymph nodes were affected. this has been pretty shattering for hubby and his family, and i pray to God that MIL will be okay, and that she will be cured.

23

i am now a week away from viability. i'm not sure if viability for twins is the same as a singleton, but at least they have a 50/50 chance of survival, with grave disability potential. but i'm not going to think that way.

the babies seem to move around more. i think one has the hiccups becos at least once a day i get a rhythmic bump going near my belly button. i read in my book that babies are supposed to weigh about a pound this week, which means i prolly have 2 pounds of babies in me. my pelvis is driving me nuts and i'm having an increasingly harder time getting comfortable sitting and laying down. if i lay on my left side (which i'm supposed to do) my legs fall asleep. i can't sleep on my right side becos something in my belly gets in the way and hurts. i can't lay on my back becos it hurts my tailbone and circulation issues. can't sleep on my belly for obvious reasons. can't sleep in the recliner becos it makes my neck hurt plus i snore. if i'm having trouble now, what is it going to be like a few months from now!

yesterday we got the stroller, 2 car seats and high chair plus some extra bottles. the stuff cost a fortune. now i know why people have baby showers. i don't want one, becos we do have most of the things left from the boy, but it seems that everything cost more this time around than when we had the boy.

we also took the boy to the state museum - he seemed to enjoy it. there were a lot of school groups, so it was pretty busy, but we muddled through. the boy seemed to like the animal hall and the indians. they were always my favorite exhibits too. the place never changes - it looks exactly the same as it did when i was little. i made out okay with the walking. there were a couple of benches and i did take some breaks, but i was okay.

today my inlaws took hubby and the boy to some tractor show near selinsgrove, where they saw tractor square dancing and different things. the boy loved the corn box and the oil can train. hubby came home with home made french fries (soggy but good), whoopie pies, kettle corn, homemade potato chips, and best of all homemade vanilla and raspberry ice cream. it was the absolute best. i'm glad they had a good day.

on a sad note, my MIL found out that she has breast cancer. right now it's stage 1 IDC (just shy of stage 0) and it sounds like she'll have a good prognosis. fortunately it was caught by a mammo, and since it wasn't there last year, it's pretty slow growing and hopefully with a lumpectomy and some other treatment she will be cured.