linky do's!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

no judgement in the grey area

this blog was shared on HAPL this week.  a father shared his thoughts and feelings on the loss of his unborn child.  the child had a rare physical defect (the legs were fused together, aka "the mermaid syndrome", in addition to lacking many integral organs) and the couple made the painful decision to terminate the pregnancy.  the man shared several posts about this decision, including one where he described the harassment he and his wife endured as they went to the medical clinic for the procedure.  right to life activists, who were picketing near the clinic, harangued them for "the choice they were making".

i am horrified that this couple, who were already facing the painful reality that they were losing their unborn child.  i am sorry that they had to endure this.  as a Christian, i am ashamed that people who claim they are Christian treat others so horribly for a choice that may or may not be of a woman's choosing.

my thoughts on abortion have changed greatly over the past 20 years.  as a teenager, i only saw the black/white "abortion is murder" aspect.  i remember a debate in a class in high school, where we were to debate whether or not abortion should be illegal.  in a class of 20 odd kids, there were maybe 5 of us (all girls) on the pro-life side, and the rest of the class (including all the boys) were on the pro-choice side.   during the last month of our senior year, my BFF told me she was pregnant, and when i told my mom (at work), one of her student workers turned to me, stunned, and asked "is she going to keep it?" the girl was from an urban area, and apparently in her world, school girls who got in trouble quietly got out of trouble.  me, living in a rural area, saw school girls marry their boyfriends when they accidentally got pregnant.  it did not occur to me, back then, that abortion was an option in our area.

in college and beyond, when i was searching for mr. hubby, my attitude changed.  what would i do if the condom broke, or i threw up my pill?  could i handle a baby?  could i give it up for adoption?  could i have an abortion?  abortions were for bad girls.  i wasn't a bad girl.  this was a hard decision to think about.  i had school, and eventually a job.  thankfully i never had to make this decision, becos i married the man i...

flash forward to our family planning years, and we had a chemical pregnancy, then the boy, then the miscarriage years later, then the twins.  i was fortunate that my losses occurred "naturally" and that i did not require medical intervention for disposing of the failed pregnancies (i am cringing as i write this.  i hate that sentence.  i hate these words).   however many women require surgery for pregnancy loss.  and we know what that procedure is.

now i see abortion as a grey grey area.  i see its place in the medical establishment.  it's a choice that no woman experiencing a pregnancy loss wants to choose, but it's there, and we need to support that.  no woman should ever feel ashamed that she required medical intervention for a pregnancy loss.  doctors will argue that it is merely a "surgical procedure" like getting tonsils or an appendix removed.  but in pregnancy loss, the procedure signals broken dreams;  the loss of the tiny soul that was so desired, loved so deeply, and not just tissue and blood "product".  that "product" (another word i loathe) was a baby, and should be given respect.

while i do not advocate abortion as birth control (hello, there are a gazillion forms of birth control out there), i am glad that it is an option for women.  who am i to judge what a woman does with her own body or pregnancy?  that decision is between her and God (and the baby's father, if applicable).

and my thoughts for the pro life advocates:  you are entitled to your opinion.  that's your choice.  but be aware that not all procedures are for unintended pregnancy.  screaming at a woman who is already enduring hell becos she is losing her child, does not help.  have an open mind, and like the blogger said, put your energy into promoting programs for preventing unwanted pregnancy, before the need for the procedure is necessary.  if you were the Christian you claim to be, you would be supportive and understanding instead of hateful and judgmental.

1 comment:

Comments? Questions? Feel free drop me a line!