replacing the bad with good

hubby and i took a few days off to go see our favorite celtic band play at celtic fling.  they played the friday night concert and we stayed over and went home the next day.  this year we took an extra day and left on thursday becos we wanted to visit some new restaurants and there were stores i wanted to visit.

on our way to the mall, we passed the hospital where, three years ago, we lost ani.  we were on vacation with my folks.  after spending a day with the boy at dutch wonderland, i began to miscarry after a week of spotting.  i spent that vacation numb, sad, angry and fearful.  i couldn't cry or grieve - we didn't want the boy to know about the loss, and i was embarrassed to express my feelings in front of my family.  i numbed the pain with retail therapy - a glass ball lamp from the restoration hardware outlet store, and copious amounts of yarn from various yarn shops in the lancaster and gettysburg.  it was definitely the saddest vacation ever.

a month after the miscarriage, hubby and i spent a saturday at celtic fling.  we visited the renaissance fair other years but never for celtic fling.  it was a scorching day we visited, and i was sick with tummy troubles. there was so much food around but all i could muster was a fruit cup and a hot pretzel.  we wandered from band to band, and discovered enter the haggis.  they shared a stage with scythian.  we saw albannach, another band we discovered a couple years earlier and loved.  we left early becos i wasn't feeling well and it was so bloody hot.

we missed fling 2 years ago becos i was 6 months pregnant with the kiddos and knew that walking around in the heat with sore pelvis would not be fun.  it was the only time we missed an opportunity to see haggis, and while i was disappointed, the reason for missing the band was a good one.

we went to fling last year and had a great time.  we only went for the day, stayed over at a hotel and came home the next day becos the kiddos were still pretty little.

we got our tickets early this year and made hotel reservations early too, a good thing since the hotel was booked up.  after eating lunch at shady maple we went to our hotel to wind down and use the jacuzzi in our room (yep, we got the jacuzzi suite.  loved it).

we left to go to the mall and supper at taj mahal.  as we drove to the mall, we passed the hospital where it  was confirmed we lost ani.  as i saw the looming building i froze and felt panic welling up.  i wanted to cry.  i swallowed the feeling and tried to concentrate on my task - sephora, coldwater creek, and williams sonoma.  and supper.  i was hungry and it was months since i'd had good indian food.

after shopping we drove to the restaurant, which meant driving past the hospital again.  this time, i thought about all the good things that happened since then.  i lost ani, but we had freddie and petunia.  my kids were healthy and happy.  the boy was growing up to be a great young man.  hubby still had his job and we were doing okay.  i reflected on this as we passed the hospital.  the blessings definitely outweighed the bittersweet.

after supper we drove back to the hotel and settled in for the night.  the next day we ran more errands and ate at a terrific ethiopian restaurant - a first for us.  after spending more time in the jacuzzi hanging out in the hotel we headed to fling.  we noshed, we listened to the bands, and i felt the sadness melt away.

i told hubby how i felt when we drove past the hospital.  hubby said he felt the same way when we passed the amusement park earlier that day, when he saw the happy families in the boats near the highway.  we reminded each other that this trip was a good one, and i said i was working hard on trying to replace the bad memories with good ones.

instead of buying yarn (no yarn shop visits, can you believe that?!) i bought the kiddos pajamas and shoes.  i bought the boy a stuffed doxie at build a bear, and a bellhop's bell at shady maple.  i got hubby pants and shirts and a pair of shoes at the outlets.  and i got a new purse (the first one in a few years), a pair of wallabees, crocs and new jeans, tops and a cute church dress becos i'd been wearing the same tops and pants since i was pregnant, and they were in sorry shape.

instead of a lamp i got a cookie press and some spices at williams sonoma.  i got new eye and face cream by benefit at sephora, becos they were in pretty bottles.

hubby and i walked around center city in search of a british grocery store i'd found online (we never found it - it must have gone out of business).  but we found a cute candy shop, a bead store, and heirloom cherry tomatoes at central market.  another good memory made.

driving home, we stopped at chocolate world in hershey.  i wanted rally bars that i'd picked up during that last fated trip.  they didn't have them, but i got hershey bars...and kitkats...and reese's peanut butter cups... hubby and i rode the "how we make chocolate" ride.  another good memory.

we came home to find petunia stirring in mom's arms, and the boy holding a sleeping freddie.  petunia giggled when she saw us, and freddie cried becos we woke him up.  it was good to see them.  it was good to be away for a few days, but it was good to be home with my kids.

hubby and i had a great few days together, and wonderful new memories.


one last note.  the road that ran past the hospital was called good road.  i'm sure at the time, it wasn't good for us, but who knew that 3 years later, our life would be so good?