the zombie flu

the zombie flu seems to be in the house.

i was the last of our bunch to get sick.  after 10 days, two antibiotics and a couple nights of chills and sweats, i'm still sick.  i lost 8 pounds over the past week becos the meds made me sick to my stomach and i couldn't keep any food down.

hubby got sick before i did, and is feeling better, although he still hacks up a lung each morning.

freddie started with the runny nose and fever on saturday and seems to be on the mend.

petunia started sunday.  she coughs like she's got whooping cough.

the boy's wet cough returned yesterday, and i foresee a trip to the doctor for him in the future, since the first go around for him resulted in bronchitis, zithro and preds.

we need a break from all this illness.  the other parents/grandparents at preschool today looked at me like i was typhoid mary.

this is the fourth round of antibiotics since july.  i've felt rundown for months, especially since my last cold in september.  sometimes i wish someone would knock me out for a couple of weeks, so my body can heal.  

hard stuff

first off, pretty WIP shot!  that's winchester, a pattern and yarn that i got at KDO this year.

now for the hard stuff.

i am struggling with some serious health issues.  i'm exhausted from lack of sleep and from constant pain from my PN.  it's hard to chase after kiddos when my feet are hypersensitive and hurt and my ankles throb.  at least my sugars are improving.  and i've lost enough weight that i can pull my jeans and khakis down without unsnapping and unzipping them.

i'm dealing with some faith issues.  i still believe in God - always have, always will - but some days i don't believe in my Lutheran faith anymore.  or in Christians, for that matter.  this is so hard for me.  i count on my faith to help me through hard things, and it really sucks when the faith (and the people) you count on...aren't there anymore.  and no longer care about you either.

lastly.  maybe it's becos of the election.  perhaps it's the economy.  a lot of it is societal.  i'm fatigued (and not in a physical sense).  i have no faith in the government anymore.  society has me going O.o on a daily basis.  i guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm tired of other people's crap affecting my life.  and the fact that common sense and decency is nearly non-existent these days.  

all of this hard stuff has taken its toll on my blog (and my knitting which is coming back in spurts).  hence, the radio silence.  i toyed with shuttering my blog, but i was reluctant to do that becos i like to write about my knitting and my kids' milestones.  i also read an article recently that journaling/blogging is good for airing out issues.  i'm sure my "hard" posts are unpopular and difficult to read, but for me, it feels good getting it out of my system.  

for now, i think i'll blog when the spirit moves me (or i complete a project, or the kids do something exceptional).  no stress of ohmygoshwhatamigratefulforthisweek or whatismymomentthisweek or iamtiredoflookingatthatoldpost.  this is my space and i can write whenever i want to.  in the meantime i am working on my health issues.  and praying a lot.  

thanks for listening.  

the summer plague

this is the third summer in a row that i got hit with a summer cold.  other years they lasted only a couple of days.  this year's really walloped me.

the plague started with the boy.  we left for vacation with him coughing.  i thought maybe it was his asthma kicked up by the heat and stupid me neglected to bring his inhaler with.  after 2 days of his wet cough and lethargy, we found ourselves at lancaster general's urgent care center on an early sunday morning.  i was hoping for a nebulizer treatment (it usually kicks the gunk out of his lungs) and an inhaler.  he was diagnosed with a cold virus (it was going around) and a script for an inhaler.

poor kid.  he didn't sleep well on the trip (he was relegated to the spare couch) and every morning we had to rouse him hard to wake up.  i blew through a packet of tissues at the amusement park as his nose constant ran.  on our last day, i scheduled an appointment at the peds at home becos the boy wasn't any better (plus urgent care advised having a follow up) and petunia was running a fever and acting lethargic.  hubby and i hustled the kids home while mom and dad ran for produce, baked goods and amish meats and cheeses and met up at home later.  the ped confirmed viral cold and advised rest and fluids and tylenol for fever and aches.

the next day the boy slept until noon.  petunia perked up.

meanwhile i had a cough of my own and i chalked it up to the crummy hot air and my asthma.  friday night we went to my class reunion dinner where i greeted everyone with a hug and a cough.  saturday morning i woke up feeling like i was hit by a truck.  i dragged my butt to the boy's soapbox derby (luckily it was just a block away) but i left early becos i felt so rank.  i had no cold medicine except some old advil congestion which did nothing.  when the kiddos went down for naps, hubby ran to the store and got me cold medicine and ginger ale.  i slept off and on all day.  my class reunion picnic was in the afternoon, and altho i made an awesome greek pasta salad for it and had all our picnic things at the ready, the idea of spending the day in the heat with a snotty nose didn't appeal (plus i didn't want to share our wealth of the plague with the rest of my classmates).

the next morning hubby went to church and the rest of us stayed behind.  the boy was to go along as well but he slept in.  i honestly don't remember anything about sunday except watching bits of sherlock holmes: a game of shadows which i fell back to sleep midway through.  both saturday and sunday i barely ate anything and drinking was an effort.  my sinuses were stuffed, i couldn't breathe, and the pressure made my teeth hurt and right eye water.

monday hubby went back to work and i spent the day on the sofa.  the kiddos had free reign of the tv.  we watched a lot of caillou.  tuesday was the same, and i had a bit more energy, but i still felt wiped.  this was the day petunia loafed on the chair, and freddie played by himself.  the boy holed himself up in the man cave.

wednesday was independence day and hubby was home from work.  normally we'd spend it at the craft show at pineknotters days but going out in the heat, with the crowds, with a drippy nose with equally drippy mopey kids ended that.  we didn't even have food for celebration so hubby ran for some KFC.  it was my first real meal in days but even the dollop of potatoes and the biscuit made me sick.  hubby and i had zero appetites (did i forget that hubby and i had tummy issues as well?  fun times.) and we had lots leftover.  somehow i managed to finish my mystery shawl.  we also watched the nathan's hotdog eating contest (watching them chow down made me nearly puke) and the boston pops at night.  i felt better, but still so weak.

i also had 2 days of killer migraines.  i have no idear if it was the sinus pressure, the hot weather and atmospheric pressure, or the fact that i started provera and they were hormonal migraines.  more fun times!

on friday i had a check up with my GP, who noticed my coughing and stuffy nose (i also had to do a breathing test and the results were not stellar).  i was surprised to learn that there were no cold viruses reported in the area and apparently what i had i picked up while on vacation.  i walked out of her office with a script for a ten day supply of antibiotics.  it was the first time i got meds without groveling!

the boy is pretty much over his cold.  once we got home, we could use his regular inhaler with the chamber (it helps him get more medicine in his lungs).  petunia and freddie would tag team symptom days.  freddie would have yellow caterpillars coming from his nose; petunia cried when i used the blue bulb syringe to siphon snot from her nose.  shame i learned about the Nosefrida too late.  hubby's been keeping the cold at bay for days;  he used a zinc spray he got when he bought my medicine.  maybe it was the zinc; maybe it was his strong constitution.  he rarely gets sick - lucky guy!

i'm feeling better now and slowly working my way back.  this was by far one of the worst summer colds i ever had.  i used to never get sick in the summer, but i guess i can count on at least one viral doozy now.  

the lost weekend(s) (and weeks)

all apologies for the radio silence here - we vacationed in lancaster two fridays ago, attended my class reunion last friday and on saturday i got hit with the worst summer plague in the history of the world.  i spent last weekend pretty much unconscious and only yesterday started to feel some semblance of being human.

quite a bit happened in that span of two weeks, so here are the highlights:

- took the kids to day out with thomas at the strasburg railroad.

- visited the choo-choo barn

- spent my sephora gift cert and bought an apple tv, but not before making our first visit to urgent care with the boy (respiratory infection and groveled for an inhaler).

- ate at shady maple and shopped at goods store

- bought $85 yarn (yes, you read that right) at labadie looms

- took the kids to dutch wonderland, lapped roller coasters with the boy, and ate at cici's pizza

- left vacation early and skipped shopping for produce/bulk goods/amish meats and cheeses so i could take the boy and petunia to the doctor for their plague colds

- did obnoxious amounts of wash

- attended my class reunion dinner and saw classmates i hadn't seen since graduation

- attended the boy's first soapbox derby (he came in last)

- caught the plague (both respiratory and intestinal).    and i had to skip the class family picnic becos of it. :(

- finished my mystery shawl


i'm still digging my way out of the past two weeks.  so many neat things happened that i'll blog in bits instead of one huge post.  

the count

i believe i'm on the verge of cronedom.  i've officially started the count.

it all started back in november, when i missed my monthly bill.  i chalked it up to "eh...i'm at that age where i can skip a month, no biggie..."  but then christmas arrived and a second cycle skipped, i started to wonder if i was starting the change.  i did notice that my usual signs of fertility were absent during those weeks, but i can't say i was complaining about my absent menses.  during those two months my HULK*SMASH rage was nonexistent, my roller coaster moods diminished and best of all, my HS cleared up and my pits were no longer angry and sore.

i had an appointment with my ob/gyn in late winter and thought i'd ride it out and see how long it would take for my cycle to kick back in.  but around new year's hubby told me he'd spent a sleepless night worrying that my absent periods meant that i had cancer and my mom and grams were equally worried that something was wrong and wanted me to have an ultrasound (i don't think that would show anything except for the pencil eraser sized fibroid that's resided in my uterus for the past decade).  so i called up my doctor and after having a pregnancy test to rule that out (negatory as it should be, the hen house closed over 2 and a half years ago) i was given a prescription of progesterone to kick start my cycle.  my cycle officially ended at 75 days (damn those meds).

six weeks later i saw my doctor and told him that i hadn't had a monthly since i'd taken the meds, and my moods had leveled off, could i be starting perimenopause?  mom told me that her paternal grandmother had gone through menopause at 37, and i was turning 38, could there be a genetic propensity for early menopause?  no, said my doc; menopause was a maternal trait; my cycle would be more like my mother's and grandmother's (they were early 50s).  doc also said that at my age, the brain sometimes had trouble metabolizing progesterone, and there were pills for that.  (for the record, i don't remember the brain metabolizing progesterone.  now, it's been a lifetime since i had a biopsych class and while i'm sure scientists have discovered new things about the body and brain since then, i just don't remember this.  even if you don't play a doctor on tv, if you have any information on this please enlighten me).  darned pills again.  i didn't want more pills.

he offered more bloodwork, for FSH levels and thyroid.  i'd had those levels checked in the fall and they were normal, but this was before the skipped cycles, so maybe something changed.  so down to the lab i went for my blood letting and a week later learned that both FSH and thyroid levels were normal, and i wasn't going into menopause.

i was really confused.  if my hormones were normal, why didn't i have my cycles?  hubby thought i was skipping cycles becos i was stressed out.  it's a possibility, but why such long cycles?  yes, i'm stressed, but no more than usual.  i've been way more stressed out before, and those times didn't monkey with my cycle.  it also didn't take into account why my hair was still shedding after nearly a year?  why was i have hot flashes in the middle of the night (i had no idea ankles could sweat.  and my irish blush has nothing on the "my hair roots are on fire" flush.)?  i enjoyed not having mood swings and clear HS free pits (ironically, progesterone is a new treatment for HS.  does that mean i have a plethora of natural progesterone in my body?)  i didn't want more meds.  i just wanted to know that my body was okay.    my damn body, disappointing me since 1986.

it's day 60.  the count is on.  

Deja knits

i'm knitting another ribbed shrug, this one for my mother for christmas.  i am using lion brand thick and quick which i got on sale at michael's on thanksgiving.  as i'm knitting along, i keep thinking, i've knit with this yarn before...but what?  the yarn is so familiar (albeit not as nice as the baby alpaca i used for my shrug).  i didn't use it for knitting socks for knit your bit (way too thick).  i used a brown t&q for the boy's scooby hat a few years ago.  i couldn't figure it out.

last week when we to christkindl market, mom brought along the cowls i knit for her and dad last year for christmas.  dad's is brown.  mom's is...teal.  like the shrug i am knitting.



for some reason i have a picture of dad's cowl but not mom's.  but you get the idea.


i have to get cranking on the holiday knitting.  mom's shrug is half completed.  dad's antler scarf is about 2 feet long, and i need at least another 2 feet, preferably 3.  gram has her socks, although they are thick ones and i like to give her finer knit socks.  i'm seriously thinking about gifting her my haggis socks, but that means i have to knit the second sock.

ugh.  why do i do this to myself?

on top of everything, petunia has been sick all week.  first diagnosed with a UTI, now it's an ear infection, and she's on antibiotics.  she's still not running on all cylinders but she's getting better.

the purge, ravelry edition

i belonged to 88 groups on ravelry.  now that number is 52.  wow.

half of the groups i belonged to was in name only.  i thought it wasn't fair to be a member and not participate.  so long, i love my ipod, only child and TCM.

there were a bunch of groups that i initially participated in when i first joined them, but my interests or schedule changed, and i no longer visit them.  bye bye, charity knitting, prayer shawls and babycakes.

some groups were defunct by nature.  that would be you, eastwick and the forgotten.

and quite possibly the biggest shocker of all, i left my main group, HAPL.  this was the hardest one to leave.

i joined in june 2008, after losing ani.  the group gave me comfort and support as i processed my loss, my anxiety with TTC, getting pregnant and carrying the twins, then caring for them in the months afterward.  i can't remember how many were in the group when i joined, but as of today, there were 188 women.  that's a lot of heartache and loss.

over the past few weeks, however, i felt like i didn't fit into the group anymore.  the majority of women who had losses around the time of mine now had babies of their own and were busy with their own lives.  there were a lot of new faces in recent months.  there are several women who struggle with TTC and i feel alienated from them as i will never know the pain of infertility and TTC for several years, and not months in my case.  i have no idear what it's like to have a D&C, or an overdue miscarriage, or to have multiple losses, one after another.  i felt disconnected from the new mom's thread as other moms discussed breast feeding, cloth diapering and other things attachment parents do that i just can't relate to.  i'm sure even my ravatars, which featured the twins often, probably made others uncomfortable.

so i took a deep breath, sighed and clicked on the leave this group button.  HAPL served me well during my hard time.  i pray that some of my experience helped another grieving woman.


this has been a rather shitty week.  i'm working on week 4 of bronchitis/cold, the boy is working on week 6 of his respiratory infection, petunia has a runny nose and is fussy (i pray it's teething and not a cold), fredster has a cough and hubby is teetering on the brink of getting sick.  we're exhausted, i feel depressed and cold, and i really wish we were moving into march and not february.  the good thing is, we are heading into february, it is a quick month, and hopefully soon it will be spring and we can be outdoors more.



ravelympics starts in 2 weeks.  i need to get my yarn at the ready, the patterns sorted, the projects planned.  i'm making preemie caps for the NICU at GMC, sort of a thank you for taking care of my little ones when they were born.  if i'm lucky, i can also finish petunia's sock monkey (a WIP) and maybe even the baby monkey, which was to be a gift for nudge, but maybe intended for someone else.

my swirl shawl goes slowly.  it's a tricky process.

and then it went horribly wrong...

i can't even explain it.

well, yes i can.  i think what happened is i missed a stitch when i bound off.  and when i was binding off the last swirl, the whole line of swirls was tangled up, and when i tried to fix it, the stitch finally slipped and totally came undone.  the funny thing is, i buried the live end somewhere in that mess and couldn't find it.  i tried for 10 minutes to salvage the yarn before giving up, snipping the whole mess away from the 2 last swirls.

and then when i tried to pick the yarn away from the new swirl (with the hopes of casting on and attaching to both the older and newer swirl, i knocked a stitch loose in that swirl.  so i decided, screw that, i'll just trash the last 2 (3) swirls, and start from scratch on swirl #5.

i have tried to find help and tips and tricks on making this shawl, and i'm coming up empty handed.  while there have been several shawls and scarves completed on ravelry, i haven't found any tips to help me from keeping the completed swirls from tangling and twisting.  the closest to a tip i found was a woman who knit her swirls individually and then attached them when all of them were completed (i am assuming she did this, as this is what her photos showed.)  the pattern doesn't say to do this - you cast each swirl on to the previous swirl.  pattern doesn't say to block after each one is knit (which is what i toyed with doing, except it would take forever to get the shawl done that way).  i'm thinking of using my new scarf fold-up to manage the string of swirls.  you would think that a pattern that has been harlotized would have it's own group.

soo...i lost 3 swirls.  but i have an extra ball of yarn, so hopefully it's not a big loss.

oh, and i'm knitting those swirls with pony rosewood DPNs.  they cut through the stitches like butter.  sweet.


can you believe this was once a prize in a gumball machine?

no, not the washing machine.  the fuzzy bunny decal.  yes, that's the playboy bunny symbol.  on my washing machine.

i can't tell you how old that sticker is, but i remember getting it out of a gumball machine when i was a wee girl (from weis, from saylors, who knows where).  it used to reside on my parents' washing machine for years.  when their machine died in the mid 90s, i peeled the sticker off and put it on their new machine.  during the summer from hell, i stole the sticker and transferred it to my own machine, and now that saint washie is gone, it now resides on the new one.

what baffles me is what gumball machine company sold playboy bunny stickers?  in a kids machine.  i know it was the 70s and things were fuzzy then, but still.  funnier still, is how my mom (ms. fussy) allowed me to put a sticker on a major appliance.  and a playboy bunny sticker at that!

so far the new washer is working fine.  i'm not use to the machine filling with water after i put the clothes in, but i guess that's how the washer decides how much water to use per load.


and some gratuitous kiddo pictures

why are the kiddos wearing st. paddy's sleepers in the middle of january?  becos they are outgrowing their clothes, and by the time march 17 actually gets here, they will probably be too small.

welcome to the sick house.  again.

the boy has bronchitis.  it only took 3 weeks to get him to the doctor and finally get him diagnosed.  he's been sick since before xmas.  every time i called the doctor to get him checked, i got "well, there's stuff going around, as long as there's no fever just give him tylenol".  TWICE.  i'm surprised i didn't catch hell from his teacher becos he coughed so much.  i've been sick for a week now too, and i really should go to the doctor too, but the thought of either finding a sitter for the kiddos or schlepping them to the doctor with me makes me not to want to bother at all.  i wish doctors made housecalls, spesh for big families or families with little babies.  i wish that was part of obamacare.  heh, if housecalls was included in the bill, i'd probably vote for it in a second, no matter what was in it!

stitch marker luv

i got my stitch markers finished.  if anything else, i can send these to trina for tamara's care package in case i don't get the knitted goodies finished.

these are for tamara:

these are for trina.  surprise!:

and i can't make stitch markers for others without making some for myself.  the pewter skull and the angel wings are my favorite:

and i got these beads for my second pair of french press felted slippers.  i haven't figured out how to attach them, but i'll find a way.  they were expensive, but too gorgeous to leave:

i love ellacinders for their beads.  they recently moved to downtown lewisburg in the building where the stationary store used to be.  the store used to be on 15, across from dunkin donuts and pizza hut.  i hate parking in town but the store is more accessible now.  

they sell all kinds of beads, from semi-precious gemstones to crystals to pewter.  you can take classes there to learn how to make jewelry, and they sell already made jewelry sets.  their stuff is gorgeous.  i bought carnelian beads there and made a necklace once, but the silver wire i used was too thin and the necklace broke.  i've made all kinds of neat stitch markers from their goodies.  my favorite was a rainbow bead (see above pictures, i made them for t and t too), a piece of pyrite, and a bone skull.  the first time i went to ec, i got beads that were made from recycled computer wires.  i hoard those since i haven't found them there since.  

i never make stitch markers in sets.  i could, but since i don't use these markers for repeats in my knitting, i make just one.  i use my stitch markers to mark right/wrong sides, or to mark the start of a round when i knit in the round.  

i've toyed with making markers to sell on etsy, but i don't know if people would really buy them.  i think most people want sets, and while i could make sets, i really like making singles.  i suppose i could sell sets of singles.  i don't have much time to make markers anymore.  maybe when my time frees up with the kiddos, i could try.

i'm on the dl list.  i think i have the flu - had a fever thursday night, had the sweats/chills, aches and was tired.  for days i blamed the wii for being tired and achy.  i also have a horrible cough and now i have a sore throat from coughing up my lung coughing.  on top of that i sliced my pinky on a formula tin and sliced my index finger on the plastic packaging of the new flat iron i bought.  i'll leave that story for another day.  

off my feed

a bout of the grippe has sidelined me for the past few days.  hubby and i were so sick.  thank goodness the children weren't sick.  hubby was so sick he took a day off from work - he never does that.  we don't know what made us so sick, but hubby thinks it's the popeye's we ate saturday night.  we're feeling a lot better, but eating isn't up to par.

on saturday we went south to visit hubby's GM.  we aren't going down for thanksgiving and since GM wouldn't see the babies until next summer, we wanted visit sooner.  she really enjoyed seeing the kiddos and we took her out to lunch at a really good buffet place.

we also made our quarterly pilgrimage to bRu, to look for new bottles (the avents leak and therefore suck), sippy cups, feeding supplies (since we need doubles) and a couple of other odds and ends.

i also made my jaunt to borders.  it yielded me loads of mags and books.  to wit:

november's yarn forward

issue 11 of the knitter

interweave knits accessories

interweave knits holiday knitting

november's knitting

december's knit 'n style (and anniversary issue!)

fall/winter debbie bliss magazine


i also got some books.  a couple of winter books for the kids for christmas.  and books for mommy!

itty bitty toys by susan b. anderson

naturally healthy first foods for baby by jacqueline rubin

what to expect the first year


i got this book a couple of weeks ago:

sock innovations by cookie a


thanksgiving is tomorrow.  we are spending it at home, just the five of us, eating very untraditionally (slow cooker hot sausage and peppers sandwiches, mac and cheese).  and i actually baked:

crustless pumpkin pie.  it's basically pie guts baked into ramekins.  when they cool, i'll top with cool whip and pie spice.  grams makes the best pumpkin pie, and for the longest time i thought it was a very special recipe, but she uses the recipe on the back of the canned pumpkin label!  i love her pie, but 'm not so much a crust person.  i'd rather eat the guts and leave the crust.

the kiddos are cooing now and smile more.  now they smile at the sight of me and return smiles when i give them!  and i swear i heard monkey ears say/coo "hello" a couple of times, and the pixie mouth "hi" to the boy.  the boy got an iguana eraser for having a month of no misbehaving at school.

this is the time of year that we count our blessings and give thanks for everything we have.  we should do this every day, not just one day a year.  not a day goes by that i don't thank God for my beautiful, healthy children, my wonderful, patient, kind and funny husband, my understanding and loving parents and grandmothers.  friends, both in person and in spirit.  i'm grateful that hubby still has a job and although things are tight financially, we are able to take care of our children and meet their needs.  grateful for a warm dry house.  grateful for a car that the five of us fit into.  grateful for my health.  grateful for my family's health.  just grateful.

i'm toying with going offline for a few days.  i have a lot to do - decorating for christmas, "spring" cleaning the house, spending time with my family.  knitting,  catching up on reading.  it's a challenge that's due.  wish me luck.

boo!

still on flu watch since 2 out of 5 of us have been sick.  the boy and i are feeling much better.  you'd never know the boy was sick, the meds made him extremely wired.  it was hard to keep him under control.  he was a good sport about it.  worked on his homework that his teacher sent home.

i feel whipped but i feel stronger every day.  i never had a cold or flu that kicked me this bad.  i finally helped with the babies yesterday and that felt good.  i'm grateful hubby stayed healthy through all this.  i don't think i could take care of the babies and the boy while sick.  no energy.  dizzy and lightheaded.  not hungry.  this is one bug that's taking a while to recover from.

bless my mom and dad, who helped hubby take care of the kids while i recuped.  i pray they don't get sick. mom helped clean, wash, tend to the babies, ran and got the boy's school work.

being sick goofed with the halloween plans.  we can't visit the ILs and the boy will be on limited trick or treating.  since i didn't get out for goodies, i'm keeping the lights out and the doors shut tonight.  just no energy to have visitors tonight.

did manage some knitting while sick.  got a quarter of the stroller blanket finished while in the doctor's office.  it's a fast knit when you use chunky boucle.  hate to call it this, but it really did feel like a monkey on my back.  so now monkey ears has his stroller blanket.

i also finished the last white panel on the tree skirt.  all that's left is the green panel, and about a dozen flowers.  then that monkey's off my back too!

also started another prayer shawl for MIL.  i think i blogged that already.

happy halloween everyone!  have fun and stay well!

i feel like a leper

i got the flu.

the boy has pneumonia which was probably caused by the flu.

no wonder i feel like shit.

welcome to the sick house

ugh, sick season is in full swing!

the boy has had a cough since thursday and had fever starting friday night.  it was high enough yesterday that i called the doctor to make sure it wasn't that flu.  doc's office said that there was virus going around and most likely he had that, but to keep him well watered, medicated and to call if the fever got worse.  he's been over at mom's since yesterday afternoon since we're trying to keep it from spreading to the babies.  i do NOT want to see what sick little twins would be like!!

i'm hoping i don't get sick either.  i've had a cough all day, stuffy nose, and at one point i got so nauseous it made me get the barf bucket.  last night i started with a migraine (PMS?) but nipped that in the bud with advil migraine.  now i'm home alone with the babies as hubby had to go to penn state for a board meeting.  sucky timing, but as long as i can hold it off, it'll hopefully be okay.  the twins have been good so far, sleeping and now fed.

the pixie scared the shit out of me tho.  i walked past her in the crib and she was laying on her side, was this grayish pale color and had dark purple circles around her eyes.  i panicked and touched her, and she felt cold but then moved.  i thought she died.  later i went to check on her and said "you scared mommy, i thought you died" and she looked at me AND SMILED.  that is so not funny, little girl!!!  so now i call her squints, after the kid in the sandlot who fakes drowning so he can kiss the lifeguard.

i forgot, the twins have more nasty nicknames (not really):

the pixie is now called squints.  i also call her miss mousie (for some reason she reminds me of miss mousie in "froggie went a courtin'") and petunia.  she was originally going to be called daisy, but she looks more like a petunia.

i call monkey ears "hootie" as in "hootie the hoot owl".  he has such a wise, sober look to him sometimes.  he reminds me of an owl.  and the other day hubby commented that his cry sometimes sounds like a hoot.

becos the boy is in quarantine at mom's and i'm home with the babies, i had to miss church today.  i was rather bummed.  today is reformation, and i love the service although it is long becos of confirmation.  i was supposed to read the lessons today too.  mom said the confirmands read them instead.  oh well.

i caught up on some tivo this morning tho.  i finished watching "the good wife" (good show) and am now watching "the tingler".  i'm a bit disappointed that not many scary movies are on TCM this year.  but i tivo'd "the brain eaters", "the fearless vampire killers" (with sharon tate!), "terrorvision" and "tales of terror".  i also tivo'd all 6 hours of the monty python documentary, have this weekend's gilmore girls to watch and am currently taping "the grapes of wrath".

what remains of the day

i hate migraines. i lost most of today becos of a head crushing one. haven't had one of these in years. my hormones must be bottoming out, that's my only explanation for it. now i feel hung over from it. bother.

fuckin' grippe

fate was not kind to me. i got the flu anyway.

wednesday night i started puking and by the middle of the night it was running out the other end. hubby also got sick and was a few hours behind me.

bless mom and dad, they took the boy on thursday so hubby and i could recoup. poor hubby even took a sick day, and he NEVER takes sick days. we spent the whole day tag teaming to the toilet and staring at each other in misery.

i was really scared to be sick. since i couldn't keep anything in me i was afraid of getting dehydrated. i was so afraid that being sick would make me lose the babies. i called my doctor and they assured me that i'd be okay, just sip fluids and do the BRAT diet. thank goodness for apple sauce, jello and orange sherbet. never in my life did anything taste as good as a few spoonfuls of apple sauce.

i was also worried about my fever. yesterday it got up to 101. not good. i drank more water and took a bath to get the fever down.

this flu had such horrible aches. my legs and feet ached so much that when hubby tried to rub them i almost screamed. i have no idear what it's like to have a serious illness like cancer but i likened the pain to that, only i imagine it's about 100 times worse. i don't know how people can tolerate pain that bad. after a day of pain i wanted to cry.

i feel better today altho a little wiped out. i ran to the store for some groceries. my stomach is eating itself which means it must be getting back to normal.

i got soup since i don't have my own homemade chicken soup. it is so much cheaper (not to mention healthier) to make your own soup. my bill was astronomical and i didn't even buy half of what i usually get.

tuesday is my 8 week checkup. praying that the flu didn't hurt yin and yang.

no knitting for you!

for the past 2 months i've been knitting stuff for my church's fall festival (actually put on by area lutheran churches). my church has a craft stand so i cranked out dishcloths, baby kimonos and bib/burp cloth sets. my wrists are sore as a result of working with cotton yarn and cranking stuff out. i also donated 2 latch hook kits that i'm not giving my FIL cos he has a ton of them to begin with.

anyways, i guess the kimonos and baby sets didn't sell, becos the one lady in charge asked if i wanted my stuff back. i didn't, i assumed what didn't sell would go to our church's rummage sale in november. she offered to buy them at a discount then donate them to the sale. whatever.

well, this taught me a lesson. no more baby sets for the craft stand! they didn't sell. i'm not sure if it was price (each cost 5 bucks, not bad considering) or maybe people didn't want to buy baby stuff. apparently hats and scarves didn't sell well either (that was the other thing i thought of making next year). depending on what happens with my family next year, i may not have anything to contribute to the craft stand, if i'm busy with a baby. i'll be lucky to knit for myself.

speaking of baby, i'm 2 days late. my boobs feel like boulders. and i'm crampy. let's hope!

i'm also sick with a sucky cold. sore throat. ache like crazy.

i broke a couple toes on my left foot last week. i slipped down the bottom 2 steps in our attic, hauling down clothing tubs (fortunately they were empty). we have steep attic steps. i'm always afraid hubby is going to fall down them. i've almost fell myself. next house we get, i hope has normal steps.

scrapple time

the above title was taken from another blogger whose blog i enjoy reading. he uses the term whenever he posts about multiple things that don't all go together. i guess a better word for it is non sequitor.

i'm maybe halfway up the foot of the punk socks. i have a long ways to go, tho, if i want another ravelympics medal.

i have spent a good portion of this day downloading stash pics onto flickr then then downloading them on my ravelry stash page. i have about half of my stash photo'd now. i was hitting up against the 200 limit for a free account, so i decided to chuck it and pay the extra $25 for the year for unlimited photos. i also get 3 months free. that sentence was now documented for when flickr decides to bill me in december for another 12 months.

for the past 3 days i have been sequestered vacay-ing with the in laws at knoebels. i've come to realize that i've officially become an old fart in that not only do i get sick if i ride too many spinny rides, but that the 5 extra pounds i gained with the baby have rendered me useless on the phoenix. the damn lap thing wouldn't go over my belly. we got it latched but damn if it wasn't embarrassing. i have to do something about this. stupid flabby belly. on top of that, the boy has inherited my daredevil genes and now loves spinny fast rides. too bad i get sick riding them to enjoy them with him.


my guts have been wonky for the past couple of days. sunday night i simultaneously threw up and had diarrhea at the same time at the campsite. today i was working on my stash when i got the runs. it was so bad i was actually GROANING. i don't know if it's a bug i got, or a change in food or what. but (no pun intended) it really stinks.

the boy has a cold. from his activity level, you wouldn't know it.

the disease no one cares about

this is a grumpy bitchy venting nuclear mushroom cloud post. no happy bluebirds or squirrels today.

i have Hidradenitis Suppurativa (hs for short). i have had it for over 4 years. basically it means i get nasty painful boils all over my body, mostly my breasts, bottom, groin and arm pits. this disease affects about 1-2% of the population and has no cure. initially i was treated for a few spots on my pits. more for vanity since i was wearing a sleeveless bridesmaids dress and didn't want the creeping crud showing. but 4 years later it has become debilitating and quite possibly life threatening. in the past week i have had huge boils on my breast, my crotch, and a string of them lining both sides of my ass crack (for lack of a better description.) i spent the past week sleeping on the sofa since sleeping on my back aggravated the boils on my butt but i couldn't sleep on my front since the ones on my boob hurt.

last week was my yearly gyno visit (oh joy). i hate going cos every year the CNP always finds something wrong with me - last year it was my sugar/BP, the year before that i had to lose weight (and we know how well that went) and the year before that i thought i had a lump in my breast but it was nothing but i still got badgered for it. this year, it was the fucking carbuncle on the boob that led the CNP to refer me to the local breast health center because they couldn't guarantee that it WASN'T cancer and since they didn't know what it was they wanted me to have an ultrasound.

now, i'm 34 and i know i'm well within the age limit of getting breast cancer, but it's still scary to hear "we want to rule out anything but you might have cancer". so i had my ultrasound last thursday and indeed the fluid on my breast is from the boil, but they want to biopsy it anyway to make sure. i had that appointment today (and it was indeed PAINFUL). now i have to go back in 3 weeks for a mammogram to make sure that my spots truly are just HS and not cancer.

this disease sucks. it's ugly as sin. it's painful. IT HAS NO CURE. i should be grateful that the boils aren't visible like on my face or something but it's just as bad when it hurts to sit or walk or move my arms. some days i walk like i have a load in my pants becos the ones on my crotch or ass hurt so bad. i must be an anomoly becos NO ONE has ever seen a case as severe as mine. i've had derms document it with photos. i've had cortisone shots to alleviate the inflammation (which helps except i'd need shots every day since i get a new one always). this disease reminds me of the centralia mine fire. it tunnels underneath my skin and pops out with ugly painful swollen lesions. and they never go away entirely. a boil will get engorged then go away and then come back again. THEY NEVER GO AWAY.

i'm done seeing my derms at GMC. they keep me on antibiotics and panoxyl (which didn't help and gave me systemic yeast infection but that's another story...) i got an appointment with a local derm for JUNE, and finally a doc down at hershey for AUGUST. i realize that there are others out there with more serious skin problems than mine but damn if this disease doesn't make me feel like shit and on top of everything else HURTS.

this has been such a shitty week. i hope this one is better.

in the grip of the grippe

i've been KO'd for the past 2 days with the grippe. i haven't had it for a long time. so much for not getting a flu shot! it started yesterday with chills and i couldn't get warm, no matter what. last night i had 103.3 fever. my head hurt, and my ankles, feet and wrists just throbbed and ached. hubby said MM had this last week and thought i had the same thing. i made my mom feel bad becos she didn't think i was sick yesterday. really now, i'm a hottie, how many times do i get so cold i can't get warm and have a fleece AND a crocheted blanket over me and i'm curled in to a ball trying to conserve body heat? i feel better today, but i still have headache, and i feel like someone rolled over me several times with a steamroller.

no dignity

my pits and nether region hurt this morning becos i got cortisone shots for some boily looking things that i've had for months. the thing has a name, but no one knows what causes them. they hurt like mothers and no amount of panoxyl, keihl's drawing salve or oxy gets rid of them. i also have to take tetracycline for another 6 months, which pushes back baby making for another 3 months. well, hopefully the antibiotics will keep colds at bay.

normally going to the doctor doesn't bother me. however my doc is extremely cute and going to him for this is embarrassing. i know doctors are supposed to be used to seeing naked bodies and if it was a cold or something i wouldn't mind. however, showing him my pits, boobs and vajayjay is kinda humiliating. spesh when your fat.

then stupid ass me forgot my checkbook for the copay and i had to pay with my haircut money. i think someone up there is trying to tell me to NOT get my hair cut (i just a trim anyway).

i had to charge a $9 ball of gold sequined yarn at swishers. becos i forgot the damn checkbook. and i had to bag going to the grocery store and liquor store becos i had no checkbook, no cash and i'm not about to charge for groceries or wine.

i got another round done on mom's sock. and i finished an issue of kiwi and left it there for others to peruse and enjoy.

i'm really hungry.